Facade
by ChthonicUnraveling
Summary: Umino Iruka is not what he seems - or who. If Naruto is the Knuckle-headed Ninja, then Iruka is the Unconventional Shinobi. Follow the beloved chunin as she simultaneously fights against and submits to the system, revealing secrets and gaining friends along the way. Just remember: not all is as it seems. Warnings inside. fem!Iruka, eventual KakaIru, BAMF!Iruka, total Iruka whump.
1. Age 17 - A Flower for Iruka

Umino Iruka was quite comfortable with her lot in life. She was a chunin of Konohagakure who split her time between teaching at the Academy and working the Missions Room. Iruka was not pretty or even cute; she had square shoulders and curves you would only see if she emphasized them, and she was fit and toned. Her facial features were foreign, more befitting of those lands outside of Hi no Kuni's borders, so her fellow Konohans could not tell from a glance her gender. In fact, the only people who knew that she was female were her previous genin team, Morino Ibiki, the Sandaime, Yamanaka Inoichi, her doctor, and now one blond little boy. Who was staring up at her earnestly with a slightly wilted and worse-for-wear flower gripped tightly in his small hands.

"What've you got there, Naru-kun?" she asked the six year old kindly. It was an hour after she had let his class out for the day, and he had barged in with that poor plant while she was grading papers.

"'S fer you, Ruka-sensei!" he replied and thrust the flower at her.

She smiled in confusion but took it anyway and ruffled his hair. "What for, Naru-kun?"

With all the innocence of his age he blurted sincerely, "'Cause yer pretty, Ruka-sensei, an' guys're 'pposed ta give pretty ladies flowers, dattebayo!"

Iruka froze, brown eyes blinking in shock. No one's… guessed correctly, she thought. But there was Naruto gazing up at her with wide, honest blue eyes. Warmth suffused her body, and a gentle smile graced her features; she knelt in front of him and placed her hands on his shoulders. "Thank you, Naruto," she said softly. "That means a lot to me. What do you say we go get some ramen?"

His eyes lit up, and he lunged forward and embraced her all the while squealing in excitement.

She returned the hug, the warmth in her chest growing more potent. When they pulled back, she took the flower in one hand and his hand in the other, and together they made their way to Ichiraku's.

Iruka was glad she had stayed to grade.

* * *

_Hello! Welcome to my first published Naruto fic :) This is obviously Iruka-centric, but we'll see a bunch of other characters (I just couldn't add them all in the tags; Kakashi and Naruto just happen to be the most important to **Iruka**_,_ at least later on). Like I mentioned in the summary, all warnings will be posted in the fic itself, usually at the beginning of each chapter. I will warn you that, so far, of the story I have written, there will be trigger warnings for: mentions of rape and torture, mild language, depression, and slavery. Sort of on the last one. It will make more sense as you read. But I'll have specific warnings for each chapter as they come, so no worries. This fic does deal with the darker side to shinobi politics, so be forewarned._

_More on the story itself: I'm not really into yaoi, but I love the KakaIru pairing. Sadly there isn't a whole lot of fem!Iruka fics out there (I'll suggest my favorites if you guys want), so I decided to go ahead and write my own. This is totally inspired by **Swiss Army Knife**'s version of Iruka, so go check out their fics; they're absolutely amazing. If you have or will read those fics, you will recognize a bunch of stuff, but don't worry: I already got permission to use **Swiss**'s ideas. I have plans for a bunch of branch-offs - mostly one-shots - from this fic, so be prepared for those in the future, too._

_Oh! Please like, follow, and/or review as you see fit. Thank you so much! :D _


	2. Age 18 - A Little Bit of Background

_Here's another chapter! Partly because I love you, but also because this chapter is pretty heavy and I really need some feedback on it. As a general note as this story continues: I do deal with a few spoken and signed languages, so there will be a key at the beginning of relevant chapters so that you know what's being said in what language. _

"Regular speech" - _Thoughts_

_Trigger warning: Torture, and towards the end Iruka talks about previous torture and rape. _

_Enjoy! Oh, and don't forget to catch the A/N at the end. _

* * *

Iruka stared blankly at the wall in front of her.

"You know why we do this," Ibiki was saying, and he sounded tired. So was she.

The bitterness welled before she could repress it. "Because I'm literally a slave to the system? Because, no matter how often or well I serve this village, I will still always be the Foreigner?" Her words held more bite than usual, and her friend stiffened where he stood; she slumped. "Gomenasai," she murmured and scrubbed her face with her hands; her fingers bumped into the cool metal of her hitai-ate. "I just…" Iruka sighed and let her hands fall to grip the edge of the table she sat on. "I just wish proving my loyalty didn't always have to end in pain, you know?"

It was Ibiki's turn to sigh, and he sat beside her, their shoulders barely brushing. "You are young," he murmured without looking at her, "too young to have to face this. But you and I have no choice as long as that council is in control."

Another sigh, words a breath in the space between them. "I know." She felt the vague urge to cry, but her tears had long ago run dry. Iruka straightened and turned to her torturer. "Let's get this over with, Ibiki-san; I promised Naruto to visit once I returned from my mission."

Ibiki nodded and stood, both shinobi stealing themselves for the ordeal ahead.

It wasn't going to be pretty.

* * *

When Iruka finally limped home, her whole body ached something fierce. The extra injuries she had gained from Ibiki had all been healed with chakra, of course, but the wounds she had received on her mission had all been left the way they were; she wanted nothing more than to sleep and forget why she wasn't sent out on missions very often.

Instead she was greeted with the sight of her old genin teammates waiting up for her in her apartment with a meal set out between them on the table.

This time the urge to cry was stronger, but it was for very different reasons. "Zumo, Tetsu," she murmured, and her voice cracked.

Both chunin rose and crossed the floor, frowning in concern. "Ruka? You alright?"

She struggled to reign in her emotions, but judging from the way her friends' faces flashed with protective anger before settling into sombre sympathy she failed. Kotetsu reached out and drew her into his arms. "I don't understand," she rasped out, "why loving my village has to be so _hard_." Iruka gulped and did not see the look the men shared above her head. "I _try_, dammit, I _do_, so _why _does it feel like it doesn't do a _damn _thing? All Ibiki and I can do is fill out our orders and move on, but I…" By now a couple tears had escaped, and Kotetsu held her tighter. "I'm just so _tired_."

They let her cry silently until she sniffed and pulled away; Iruka wiped her cheeks with her wrist in embarrassment.

"Gomen. It's just - It was a long a mission."

Izumo gently took her hand and led her to her bedroom, making a motion to be quiet before he silently opened the door. There was Naruto, fast asleep on her futon. "He refused to leave," he murmured even as she melted at the sight of the seven year old clutching the stuffed frog she had bought him for his last birthday to his chest. "He wouldn't even eat the ramen we offered, saying that it wouldn't be the same without you to eat it with him."

Iruka felt exhaustion sweep over her, and she leaned heavily against the door frame before Izumo half-led, half-carried her back to the living room. There her friends helped her out of her dirty clothes and bandage her wounds, then forced her to eat some food before ordering her to catch some sleep; they would be there all night.

She jerked awake after a nightmare some time later, heart beating frantically in her chest. The chunin barely noted the blanket spread over her or the sight of her friends conversing quietly at the table as she rose from the couch and stumbled back to the bedroom. Iruka watched the very-much alive child asleep in her bed until the profound relief abated, and she fumbled her way onto the futon beside him; Naruto instinctively curled into her warmth even as she wrapped herself protectively around him.

Her nightmare didn't bother her again that night.

* * *

"... She loves that boy," Kotetsu murmured as they watched their friend wake from her nightmare and go to sleep next to the jinchuuriki.

Izumo sighed. "I know. I'm not sure if _she_ knows it yet, though. Or him."

Kotetsu hummed. "... They're good for each other, though. I was afraid we weren't enough to keep her going anymore."

At this the slightly more mature chunin winced in agreement. Their sister-in-arms had always been strong, but her suffering had been great, and it was beginning to show. She was only 18, for kami's sake - still practically a child. Except she was, at least emotionally and mentally, the oldest one of them. After a long period of silence he suggested thoughtfully, "Maybe we should introduce her to Genma-san and Raidou-san. They would be able to help keep an eye on her, I think."

The other nodded. "It's worth a try." His grin was wry. "No one can help but love our Ru, anyway."

Izumo nodded and took another sip of the warm sake. It was definitely worth a try.

* * *

A solid roundhouse kick to the punching bag, a swift elbow jab and pivot into a left hook as it came swinging back; a duck and several quick, short jabs with her fingers and wrists, and -

_ KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. _

Iruka caught the bag and huffed. Who could it be? It was Saturday, her day off, and she had dedicated it to cleaning (which was done) and training (which was not).

_ KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_

"I'm coming!" she shouted, picking up her towel and wiping the sweat from her face and neck and wringing it from her hair as she walked.

The chunin had decided to use the dojo in her parents' old house - a house the Sandaime had let her keep even though she had moved into an apartment not long after the Kyuubi attack. It was a nice house: two stories in the traditional style and an enclosed walkway that connected the dojo to the main house. The backyard sported a koi pond, a couple trees, and a sandy area for sparring if she wanted out in the sun. In short, if Iruka had tried to buy the house herself, it would have taken at least a decade to save for it.

_ KNOCK KNO-_

She swung the door open with an irritated glare and a sharp remark on her tongue - but froze when she saw who was standing there. "Genma-san? Raidou-san?" Iruka paled. "Oh, shit. Genma-san and Raidou-san." The young girl glanced down at her outfit: black, workout capris-leggings, a black sports bra, and her hair loose around her shoulders. Her eyes shot back up to the tokujou, cheeks flushing in mortification at her unpresentable appearance.

For their part, both men simply stared in incomprehension. "Um, I believe we have the wrong house?" Genma managed. "We're looking for Umino-san. Kotetsu and Izumo told us to come on ahead when they got held back at the Missions Desk."

Her face fell into her hands. "I _am _Umino-san," she muttered darkly.

Raidou stiffened, paled, and breathed, "Oh, shit," just as Genma exclaimed, "You're a _girl_?!"

Iruka's shoulders tightened, and she glared at her superiors. "And what," she bit out, "is _that _supposed to mean?" Before they could get a word in edgewise she plowed on frostily, "I am more than aware of the fact that I might not really _look _or _act_ like my actual gender, Shiranui-san, but it is the height of rudeness to _point that out_." At the end her voice fell to a dangerous growl that caused the target of her anger to back up into his partner.

"I'm sure that's not quite how he meant it, Umino-san," Raidou interjected smoothly. "You only took us by surprise, is all."

She slumped in shame and regret. "Gomenasai Raidou-san, Genma-san. I'm just a little tired right now; I've been cleaning and training all day." The fact that she had been made extremely self-conscious was tactfully left out. Iruka stepped to the side and opened the door wider. "Ah, why don't you come in?" They did so hesitantly and followed her into the dining room/kitchen area. "Would you like some tea? Ah, there's also orange juice, water, milk, or coffee if you'd prefer."

"Tea is fine," Raidou smiled politely.

Iruka returned the smile weakly and set the water to boil. "Excuse me while I clean up." 10 minutes later she had showered and thrown on light grey sweats and an Ichiraku souvenir shirt that said "Second Best Customer - Happy Birthday, Iruka!" Her hair she pulled back into a tight french braid in order to keep all the hairs from flying free at the first opportunity. When she padded back into the kitchen, it was just in time for the pot to whistle, and she was much more relaxed (the shirt - a birthday present from Naruto and the Ichirakus - helped a lot). With efficient movements she served the tea and sat across from her visitors, her own cup in hand. "You might as well ask your questions," the chunin said with a forced smile. "Otherwise we'll all just be left uncomfortable."

Raidou opened his mouth to protest, but Genma blurted, "Why do you hide it?"

And even though she had been expecting it, Iruka was still uncomfortable. _When will those dunderheads get here…?_ "It wasn't intentional to begin with," she informed them with a forced nonchalance to her tone. "I grew up as 'one of the guys', I guess, and my heritage sort of gives mixed signals as to my gender, which doesn't help. As a student at the Academy and then as a genin, I was a very active swimmer, and I trained as often as I could." She didn't mention that it had been necessary in order to buy her parents way into Konoha. Iruka shrugged. "I looked so much like a boy that everyone just assumed, and I never corrected them. After that, though, well, for a few of my missions it actually helped that they all thought I was male, so then Sandaime-sama helped me reinforce the idea so that it could never get out." With an internal wince, she realized that that almost left more questions than it answered - and judging by the tokujous' faces, she was right.

"You're close to the Hokage, then?"

_ He vouched for my family._ "Yes. He practically took me in after both of my parents were killed in the Kyuubi attack."

They winced.

"It's no big deal." Again, a fake smile. "It's been seven years; I'm fine."

Seven years - and with a jolt Iruka realized that she had missed her 19th birthday; she'd been on a mission in the Land of Waterfalls. "I thought you were an Academy teacher?" Genma was asking, and she focused back on her company.

"I am _now_. I went on missions just like every other genin and chunin before I took this job a couple of years ago." _It was a perfect cover for my real profession._ It was true; who would believe that harmless, unassuming, chunin Umino Iruka was one of T&I's most skilled operatives? So skilled, in fact, that she was an unofficial member of ANBU. No one, that's who.

"Why teaching?" Raidou inquired.

A shrug. "Believe it or not, I actually like the gakis." _And I don't like that we only teach them how to be weapons, how to kill - not how to pull the pieces back together after they break, how to be decent human beings when they're not on duty._ Sandaime had suggested the Academy to her just for that reason.

Iruka, you see, was rather unique amongst shinobi in that she did not believe that being a weapon was all there was. She taught her kids kindness, and friendship, and teamwork, and mercy, and compassion, and, above all, the joy of a life well _lived_. But no one knew this except the Sandaime, and it was he who encouraged it. The 'curriculum' was so new that there were no obvious results as of yet, but she held out hope.

"That _is _hard to believe - especially since you have the Kyuubi gaki, don't you?"

She stiffened, but before she could snap a retort a new voice sounded, "I wouldn't insult Naruto-kun in Ruka-chan's presence if _I _were you, Genma-san." Izumo and Kotetsu climbed in through her window (left open for that purpose). Immediately Iruka relaxed; a true smile - irritated and fond - stretched across her features.

"You're late," she accused, but they all knew she didn't mean it.

"Maa, gomen, Ruka-chan," Kotetsu apologized. "That Hatake bastard showed up right as our shift was ending, so we had to wait an extra 30 minutes while he harassed us."

Iruka groaned and leaned her head back against the back of her chair. "Gaa, I'm glad I didn't have shift today, then. He _always _manages to just - just - _ugh_."

The other chunin nodded knowingly and took their seats at the table while the tokujou watched them interact with their hostess. "Kakashi, ne?" Genma smirked, senbon switching sides in his mouth. "Yeah, he's always been a bastard. Just a different kind, lately."

Raidou grimaced. "We help out in the Hokage's office sometimes, and we hear stories. Still. And he's two years younger than us."

Iruka faked a shudder. "Kami forbid jounin lose their minds even _earlier_. The very structure of the village would be undermined."

Kotetsu leaned forward and pointed accusingly at her. "Don't even _joke _like that, Ruka; you're gonna jinx all us poor chuunin, and we barely manage keeping everything together as it _is_."

This earned an interested look from the tokujou, but they were ignored in favor of the female's apologetic glance.

Raidou coughed lightly. "As much as I enjoy this, I have to ask: why did you want us to meet Umino-san?"

"Iruka, please," she corrected automatically, and he tipped his head in her direction.

"Well, it goes like this," Izumo replied. "You see, lately Ruka-chan here has been on increasingly frequent missions outside of the village since she's only a teacher's aid until she can get fully certified. The only problem is that she's always left in pretty bad shape afterward, and Ko and I have been too busy lately to check in on her as often as she needs."

She spluttered, face red. "I don't need a _babysitter_!"

"Previous experience says otherwise," Kotetsu replied flippantly. "She's real bad at following her doctor's orders, and it always takes her twice as long to heal."

"Alright," Genma drew out, "but why _us_?"

This had the male chunin glancing a little uncomfortably at each other. "Well," Kotetsu said, "as she's probably already explained, very few people know her true gender, and that means very few people can take care of her properly. There's us, of course, and the Sandaime, and one or two others like her doctor and a couple of her other need-to-knows, but everyone is always too busy for everyday house-calls when she's laid up after a mission."

Raidou's eyes were thoughtful. "And this is after _every _mission? Forgive me if I sound presumptuous, Iruka-san, but if you're always getting injured, then why don't you take lower-ranked missions?"

At this all three chunin squirmed. "Ah, well, you see," she hedged, "I actually own and upkeep two properties: this house, and the apartment that I actually live in. It costs a lot of money to keep this house, and since I became too old to qualify for the Orphan Fund I've had to take either more missions or fewer high-ranked ones in order to keep both places. And before you ask why not just get rid of one, well…" She trailed off and stared down into her empty cup.

"This home was where she lived with her parents," Izumo explained gently. "She can't bare to get rid of it just as much as she can't bare to live in it."

"I want…" Iruka trailed off; stark, painful honesty ached in her words and her eyes as she said quietly, "I want to someday give this home to Naruto to raise _his _family in. He has so little, and he works _so_ hard, and I want him to know that, if nobody else, _I _care, and _I'll _be his family. My parents left this house to me, and I will leave it Naruto. I've had a chance at it, and soon it will be his turn."

Silence echoed around them, the tokubetsu jounin shocked at her words and her friends full of grim understanding. Izumo stood, stepped lightly over, and wrapped his arms around her so that she could hide her watery eyes in his sleeves.

When they pulled apart, Genma spoke as if nothing had happened. "So, tell us about you guys; how do you know each other so well?"

At this Kotetsu grinned. "We were a genin team, of course. Actually, we almost didn't have Iruka, but then the other girl got scared out of her wits on our first C-rank mission and quit, so Sandaime talked our sensei into letting Iruka try out. He liked her enough that he kept her, and the rest is history."

"Don't talk about me like I'm a stray cat you picked up," Iruka pouted, and all the men laughed. "What?!"

"It's nothin', _Ruka-chan_," Genma grinned, and she flushed rather prettily.

"I'd rather you didn't call me that," she grumbled good-naturedly, but she was ignored.

Raidou asked, "Who was your sensei?"

Another pause, but then Izumo was replying lightly, "We don't like to talk about it."

The silence stretched awkwardly for a minute, two…

"Oh, come off it," Iruka suddenly snapped; her hands were clenched around the cup her eyes glared stormily into. "It's not like they can tell anyone else, anyway - it's the _law_." She stared at the tokujou, jaw set in defiance - as if daring them to say something. "Senju Giruko," she fairly spat, "was our sensei."

Now the tokujous' eyes nearly bugged out of their heads. "_The_ Senju Giruko? The jounin renowned for being the last of the direct Senju line besides Tsunade-hime? The jounin who…" Genma trailed off as if realizing just what he was about to say.

But Iruka didn't have his compunctions. "The jounin who went crazy and almost killed his last genin team? Who went nukenin and kidnapped his students on a B-rank mission and held them captive for a week before ANBU could find them? Yeah," she snarled, "_that _Senju Giruko."

The tokujou stared at the genin-turned-chunin who had been the pity-talk of the entire shinobi population for months afterwards.

"The Sandaime wanted to protect us," Kotetsu said quietly, his own eyes downturned, "so he issued the order that our identities and the identity of our sensei be kept an S-class secret unless we ourselves chose to share it. But we don't… We don't talk about it." There was a barely noticeable tremble in his clenched hands, and Izumo rested a hand on his shoulder.

She watched the pain cross the faces of her friends, recalled the mission she had returned from a couple weeks ago, and the anger, and the shame, and the agony, and the betrayal all came rushing back in. And something in Iruka snapped. "Well, maybe we _should _talk about it. Kami knows that we haven't in almost the three years since it happened. Maybe we _should _talk about it, because then it wouldn't be the only thing you see in your nightmares at night or just another thing on my list to be exploited after my missions. _Maybe_ we should talk about how Giruko-sensei hit us, how he came to training drunk and belittled us, how he practiced experimental jutsu on us, how he used genjutsu to make you watch the Kyuubi attack over and over again, how during that last week that he had us he raped Kotetsu and made us watch, or how he cut you open, Izumo, and made me drink your blood, or how he got off on our pain and our screams and then left us to drown in pools of our blood and his jizz and _that's_ how the ANBU found us." Her voice broke, her head bowed to the table as she cried.

"Maybe we _should_ talk about it," Iruka rasped, "because we obviously _aren't over it._"

Izumo and Kotetsu were crying, too, fat, humiliated tears because their sister was right - was _always_ right - and all that pain still ate them like acid.

Raidou and Genma watched on as the three chunin broke down. Three years seemed like a long time, they knew, but it wasn't very long at all, and it was obvious that Inoichi-san hadn't been doing his job with these three like he should have. With a glance at each other the two tokujou stood and set about refilling everyone's cups with fresh tea. It was then they decided, sitting across from a broken team - broken _comrades _\- that they would be friends to these chunin, and that nothing would change that or take that away.

They really didn't know what they were getting into.

* * *

_So, what'd y'all think? I totally made up Senju Giruko - to be honest, everything he did to them wasn't originally going to happen until my fingers had already put the words on the screen for me. _

_I also realized that all my italics aren't saved when I copy and paste these chapters, so I'm going to go back through chapter one and fix that, plus title it. _

_The length of chapters will vary since they're just important events that happen during that year of Iruka's life; the title of each chapter will be her age for the fic, so that should help. _

_There's some important world-building in here, and like I said we get to see the darker side of shinobi politics. I mean, come on guys, Konoha is a _military dictatorship_, and even our beloved Sandaime is gonna have to be tough - especially when it comes to foreign shinobi who could pose a threat to his village. Yeah, it's probably a little extreme, but this is fiction, so whatever. And, just so you know, I actually love Hiruzen; I'm just writing the darker side we never really saw (again, military dictatorship with him as the dictator)._

_Questions, comments, or concerns? This fic is totally unbetaed, so if you see anything, _please_ tell me. Please, please, _please_ review since that really helps to motivate me and get the creative juices flowing. Is there something or someone you'd like to see more of? Anything at all - just hit the review button. _

_Until next chapter, my lovelies! :D_


	3. Age 18 - Uchiha Massacre

_Welcome to the next installment! This chapter features some fluff, some hurt/comfort, maybe a little angst, and always-wonderful Iruka looking after her kids. Some notes: Iruka is still an aid at this point in time; I don't think he got his license in the original universe until he was about 18-ish? So this takes place right before that if I;m keeping that pretty canon. Oh! That reminds me: all ages and timelines for original characters will be canon as much as I can help it. Don't forget to like, follow, or review if you haven't done that already, and don't miss the A/N at the end for a little extra :) Warnings for canon occurrences and Mizuki being a creep, but otherwise nothing too bad - thought we could use a break from the last chapter lol. Enjoy! _

* * *

The moment that Iruka learned the fate of the Uchiha, she rushed to the hospital without bothering to throw on her chunin jacket (she barely remembered her sandals). One look at her harried appearance, and the nurses led her to her students room without question (everyone knew Iruka loved her kids).

Sasuke was there, small and pale and unconscious in his too-big, too-white bed.

Tears stung her eyes, and the chunin took a seat in the bed by his side; one of her hands carded through his hair while the other held his own. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, and the tears began to fall. Her hand stilled, and she leaned forward and wrapped his limp body in an embrace, pillowing his head on her shoulder and rocking him gently back and forth. "_I'm so sorry_."

She was sorry, of course, that his entire clan had been killed by his brother. However, she was more sorry that it was his brother that had taken the blame. Being T&I's top operative, she had been considered (or, rather, her ANBU codename had been considered) for the mission Itachi had been sent on by the Hokage. That's right: she knew the truth of Itachi's 'defection'. In the end, however, Itachi had argued that she was needed in Konoha to help keep the peace, to help his otouto, and to make sure that, if Sandaime died, there was someone who knew the truth; Sandaime agreed, and so Itachi had left to join the Akatsuki, and Iruka was left feeling helpless.

Sasuke shifted in her arms, and the chunin gently set him back on the bed. "Sasuke-kun? Sasuke-sun, can you hear me?"

His onyx eyes, so much like his brother's, blinked balefully open, and her heart shattered anew.

"Oh, Sasuke." Once more her hands found his and held on tightly. "I'm so sorry," she cried. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. I wish I could take your pain so that you never had to hurt again, and I wish that you had never had to know this pain in the first place - the pain of losing _everything_." Because she had lost everything; first her home, then her parents, followed by her culture, and book-cased by her innocence. No one should have to lose like she had lost, and she was determined to keep that from happening.

"... Ir'ka-s'nsei?" he slurred; Iruka forced herself to smile.

"I'm right here, Sasuke-kun. What do you need? Another blanket or pillow? Water?"

He blinked, eyes narrowed in confusion. "Iruka-s'nsei, yer a _girl_."

And, despite the entire situation, Iruka found herself laughing. "Yes, Sasuke," she agreed, "I am - and I always have been."

Sasuke nodded solemnly (somehow that made her even more sad, because she knew his mind was purposefully distracting him from what had happened). "Explains why th' dobe's always bringin' ya flowers."

Her expression softened. "Yes; it does, doesn't it?" Silence settled comfortably around them until Iruka felt the need to say something almost choke her; she swallowed. "Sasuke?"

He looked at her with those big, dark eyes.

"Sasuke, I want you to remember, whatever else happens, that I'm here for you - to talk to, to be yelled at, anything. I…" She swallowed again, this time past a different lump. "I lost my clan, too," she whispered and ignored the way his eyes nearly bugged. "I lost my clan, and my heritage, and my freedom - but you can still have those things." Now she held his gaze in earnest. "You have me, and I will never abandon you. You have your traditions and your clan name, and at least _most_ of your freedom, so Sasuke, please don't ever give those things up, because you won't ever understand how precious they are until they're gone."

Sasuke settled back into his pillows, face turned away broodingly. Iruka sighed, gave his hand a gentle squeeze, and stood.

"I'll ask the Hokage to let you stay with me, if you want, Sasuke, at least for a little while."

When she received no response, she sighed and walked out the door with a final backward glance.

Iruka hoped it was a start.

* * *

She supposed it was too much to ask that there be only one crisis in the school year; this was a hidden village, after all.

As Iruka raced through the forest outside of Konoha's walls, she reminded herself of this and the fact that she really _did_ love Naruto despite his many attempts to seemingly give her a heart attack. It didn't take long to find him (the kid was incredibly unstealthy, something she'd have to fix), and thankfully he was unharmed. Unconscious and exhausted, probably, but unharmed.

The chunin breathed a sigh of relief and cradled the boy a moment longer than necessary before carefully positioning him on her back. Now it was back to Konoha and hoping that the enemy min didn't find her and her precious cargo.

A rather… _interesting_ encounter with Konoha's strongest joining later, Iruka collapsed at her desk in the Academy classroom and rubbed a hand across her tired eyes. _Maybe I'm getting too old for this_. She had just resigned herself to growing old before she even hit 20 when a familiar presence entered the room.

"Shikamaru-kun?" she asked before her eyes had even finished opening.

He studied her intently - checking for injuries, she realized, and a fond warmth softened her posture.

"I'm alright," she assured gently. His eyes flicked up to hers in question. "Naruto, too. You probably save his life, you know."

The young genius's pinks flushed a light pink, and he looked down at his toes. "Troublesome," he muttered, but Iruka knew he meant the praise.

"Maybe," she conceded, "but you still saved a classmate's life, and since Naruto will most likely never know, then it's up to me to reward you."

Shikamaru's head shot up in confusion causing her smile to grow.

"Meet me at Ichiraku's this Saturday at eight in the morning. I know, I know, it's troublesome," she forestalled, "but trust me; you'll like what I have to show you."

He regarded her warily before nodding and leaving. At least it wasn't chores, he supposed.

* * *

On Friday, Iruka was about ready to tear out her hair.

"Kiashi-chan, put that down _right_ now!"

"Lore-kun, get _down_ off that table!"

"Naruto!"

"Kiba, _why is that in your mouth_?!"

"Chouji, could you please run down to Shiaara-sensei's room and ask her for an extra length of rope and bandages? Thank you."

"_Naruto_!"

"No! Hey! _Kiashi_!"

"Kiba -"

"NARUTO!"

Her yell cut through the room like a knife, and suddenly everything was deathly quiet. Naruto, balanced on his tiptoes on the back of a chair on a desk on its side on the edge of his sub-level, froze mid-arm swing - and promptly clattered to the ground.

Iruka sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, and action which transitioned into massaging her scar. _This is too much_.

"Alright, class," she said mildly, "it looks like we're going to have pop-quiz on Monday." Groans and cries and distressed wails filled the air but halted with a stern glare from their teacher. "No. You are all training to become shinobi, and shinobi must learn to live with the consequences of their actions. And, sometimes, those consequences extend to those they work with, which is why _all _of you are taking that quiz regardless of whether or not you deserve to be punished for your awful, _awful_ behavior." Properly chastened (at least, most of them), the students slumped in dejection. "Class dismissed."

At this there was none of the usual excited shouts, just a silent line of miscreants filing out the door.

"Gee, Iruka, what'd you do to your kids, today?"

She turned to Mizuki, whose teacher aid she was, and sighed. "Promised them a pop-quiz on Monday - which you would know if you were ever _in class_, Mizuki."

He only laughed and cuffed her on the shoulder. "Hey, what do you say we grab a drink, ne?"

Iruka rolled her eyes and turned to collect her things from the desk. "You know the answer to that, Mizuki."

She felt him step up behind her - too close for comfort - and say benignly, "Do I, though?" The words were accompanied by the feel of hands settling on her hips, so the younger chunin turned and glared in an unimpressed fashion.

"Mizuki, you have been trying to get in my pants for almost as long as I've known you - which is since we met in the orphanage, if you remember. And, once again, I would like to remind you that I am a _male_ and I _don't swing that way_."

His eyes virtually devoured her the way they slid lecherously up and down her body - but Iruka stood firm and ignored the queasy feeling in her gut as he murmured, "Maybe you should try it; you might enjoy what I could do to you."

"No," she bit out and shoved her papers in her bag which she then slung over her shoulder, "I would _not_." With that she walked coolly out of the classroom and to her apartment.

Just as she passed the park, a small blond-and-orange bundle raced up to her. "Ruka-sensei! Ruka-sensei!"

Iruka paused and turned her smile to him. "Ohayo, Ruto-kun; long time no see."

He stared at her blankly, and she swallowed a sigh; he'd understand in a few years. Hopefully.

"What's up, Naruto?" She noted the nervous way his fingers twisted in his jacket, how he couldn't quite seem to stand still. "Is something wrong?"

The jinchuuriki scratched the back of his head. "Maa, Ruka-sensei, I jus' - I wanted t' 'pologize fer my 'havior ina class."

Iruka blinked in surprise. _Did I die and go to heaven…?_

"'S jus' 'times - 'times my tummy jus' feels all funny, an' my arms an' legs get all prickly, an' only movin' _helps_, Ruka-sensei, dattebayo!" Big, azure orbs peered up in desperate earnestness, and Iruka's heart melted (as always).

She smiled softly and ruffled his hair. "Ah, I know you can't control it, Ruto-kun. Everyone else feeds off of your energy though, and it - well, it drives me up the wall." Her smile turned into a grimace before slipping back again. "Come on; why don't we get some ramen? We can go over the questions I may - or may not - put on the quiz."

He beamed. "Yosh! Ramen, dattebayo! Arigato, Ruka-sensei!" Naruto seized her hand and proceeded to drag her laughing and grinning to the ramen stand.

Ramen just made everything better.

* * *

_Hey! What'd y'all think? This ones a little short, but I liked it nonetheless. I don't have a beta for this, so if you notice anything please let me know. I kinda jump between Japanese and English when it comes to greetings, honorifics, and catchphrases seeing as my knowledge of Naruto is all from reading half of the manga, watching half of the anime, and researching characters in-depth for a better understanding. I write the chapters out-of-order, and the next chronological chapter hasn't even been started yet, so if you guys have any ideas PLEASE throw them my way. Do you want to see what Iruka shows Shikamaru? Maybe you want a little background? Maybe see a new character or more **of** a character? Let me know in the comments! Ummm... am I forgetting anything...? Oh! How do you guys feel about chapter lengths? I ask because I'm halfway through the Wave Arc, and it's already over 5,000 words long. Do you want me to post the longer chapters in shorter segments so it's easier to read? Wave isn't for a while yet, but there are definitely some longer chapters heading your way, so let me know soon, 'kay? Thank you all so much! You're all wonderful! :D _


	4. Age 19 - The Worst Pain

_Wow. So, this is one of those longer chapters I warned you about. Do you like it all in one go? Or would you rather I separate longer chapters into smaller segments? It's your decision, folks. Don't miss the A/N at the end, especially since it has some notes about the chapter that might explain a couple things for ya. _

"Regular speech" - _Thoughts - _|_Shinobi hand-sign_|

_Trigger Warnings: Mild language, mentions of torture, semi-graphic death towards the end, badly written fight scenes, Iruka making a not-so-great decision... I think that's it, actually. Oh, and Genma being awesome. _

_Notes: I totally took inspiration for this Genma from _**black k** **kat **_(replace the spaces with dots if you search them up) __whose fics are absolutely stunning and totally opened my eyes to some pretty epic headcanons - fanons - whatever._

_Inspiration for survivor!Iruka comes from the lovely _**Swiss Army Knife**_, so please check out their fics if you haven't already. Again, this is unbetaed, so if you see anything, please leave a comment :)_

_Enjoy! _

* * *

_The worst pain is being forgotten by those you can never forget._

Now that Iruka had her teaching license, she did not have to teach with Mizuki. She got her own classroom, her own kids, and praise for the work she had already been doing (Mizuki liked the limelight, the bastard, and as his aid all of the younger chunin's efforts had been seen as his by proxy). Having her license also meant that she was unable to go on as many missions as she had been before.

Good. That's what she'd wanted.

It didn't mean she never received _any_ missions.

"Ruka-sensei, why's there a bird at th' window?"

The sepia chunin looked up from the tests she was grading at the table in her apartment to where Naruto, previously coloring with crayons across from her, was now pointing. There, just like he'd said, was one of the Hokage's messenger hawks with a note in the capsule on its leg. With a furrowed brow she rose, opened the window, and took the note; immediately she froze, eyes lingering on the solid black paper.

Iruka cursed under her breath and bent over the windowsill until her elbows rested on it and buried her hands in her loose hair, paper still clutched in her fingers. _Dammit_. She was letting Naruto stay with her during the Academy's one-week break, but now she knew that she would be absent for at least two - most likely more, knowing how her missions usually turned out. _I'll have to send him back to the orphanage,_ she thought despairingly, _and I'll have to make lesson plans for a substitute before I go_.

But lesson plans took time, and given the urgency of the summons (black paper - ANBU mission - immediate departure) she knew she would not have the time she so desperately needed. _Wanted_, because _dammit_ what was she going to do with Naruto? She couldn't just turn him out to the wolves! Or - Or - Or a cannibalistic _cult_! (That's how she viewed the orphanage from her own brief time in its halls, anyway).

_If only Zumo or Tetsu were here…_ Both of her brothers had been sent on a courier mission to Kirigakure and weren't due back for two more weeks. They were accompanied by two jounin - of whom Raidou was one - since Kiri was so hostile, and _oh_, Iruka hadn't wanted to think about that. Who else could she trust? Who else could she trust with _Naruto_?

"W-What 'bout Gemma-san?"

Iruka started and looked back at Naruto who was watching her nervously. "Ne?"

"Gemma-san," the eight-year-old reiterated. "He's funny an' nice t' me an' doesn't let other people be mean. Plus he's yer friend, Ruka-sensei."

Despite her worry, an amused grin began to quirk one side of her frown. "_Genma_, Ruto-kun, with an 'n'. Haven't we been over this?"

The blond pulled a face. "But th' sounds all run t'gether, Ruka-sensei, dattebayo!"

Her smile grew into something fond - as it often did with the boy. Naruto, having grown up practically alone, had had no one to teach him to speak, so he learned everything by hanging out where people were least likely to notice him - or at least care about his presence (i.e. the Red Light District). This meant that everything he heard usually had the distinct slur of the very drunk or the very satisfied (usually both), and his childish innocence and ears had turned that slur into a speech impediment that Iruka was _still_ training out of him. It was a process. "I know, Naruto," she said kindly, and he brightened somewhat.

"So you'll send me t' Gemma-san?"

She turned fully to face him, crossing her arms over her chest. "Why do you think I'll be sending you anywhere?"

Naruto gave her a look that told her quite plainly that he thought, in that moment, he thought she was being very, very stupid. "Tha's one o' Jiji's hawks," he explained slowly. "Jiji tol' me tha' those're fer givin' shinobi missions. They look at th' paper inside, an' then they visit Jiji, an' he gives 'em th' mission." The 'duh' was very obviously omitted. "You got a paper. Tha' means you got a mission, an' you said you didn' like sendin' me back t' th' orph'nage, so if'n yer gonna be gone, then yer gonna send me somewheres else."

Iruka had to applaud the boy for his deductive reasoning. Sometimes even she forgot how much the kid observed when it came to things he cared about. _Am I one of those things…?_ Of course she was; Naruto made sure to tell her just about every time she took him out for ramen. "Good job, Naruto," she praised lightly, "and you're right; I will have to send you somewhere. Why don't you gather your stuff while I change, and we'll see if we can't get some ideas while we walk to the Hokage Tower, ne?"

The boy beamed and raced off to hurriedly repack his overnight bag. Iruka rolled the summons back up and replaced it in the capsule so that it could be re-used; she lingered only long enough to see the bird take off before she slipped down the hall and into her own room. Off came the Ichiraku shirt and sweatpants, and on went the binder and uniform. She quickly taped her pants and strapped on her weapons (she grabbed the scroll that held her ANBU uniform and tucked away in one of her vest pockets). After a quick inventory to make sure she had everything, Iruka emerged from her room to find Naruto waiting for her by the front door. His azure eyes ran over her before he nodded once and opened the door. "C'mon, Ruka-sensei, 'r you'll be late meetin' Jiji!"

She chuckled and locked the door behind them, following Naruto down the street.

On the way they passed a chunin Iruka recognized.

"Yuhi-san!" Iruka waved and jogged over as the older woman smiled in greeting. "I'm sorry it's so short notice, Yuhi-san, but I've just been called away on a mission; would you be able to teach my class while I'm gone?"

The pretty kunoichi nodded and smiled warmly. "Of course, Umino-san."

She sighed in relief. "Arigato, Yuhi-san. As you know, my missions tend to be longer, so I'll let the Hokage know that you'll be subbing so that he can set it up as a mission for you; that way you won't be pulled out for your own missions."

Kurenai nodded and waved as Iruka jogged back to her charge and began leading them back along their route.

"So - Genma-san, ne? That's who you want to stay with?"

Naruto nodded.

"Alright. We're almost there."

Sure enough, two minutes later she knocked on the tokujou's door which was promptly answered by the man himself.

"Iruka?" he asked in bemusement.

"I've been called away on a mission," she explained, one hand falling to Naruto's shoulder, "and I need someone to watch Naruto while I'm gone."

The blond leaned forward and informed the older male seriously, "Th' orph'nage people're _temes_, dattebayo, an' Ruka-sensei don't wanna send me back to 'em."

Genma glanced at Iruka, and she nodded in confirmation. "Please. I know you're busy, and I know it's a lot asking him to stay with you for at least a whole week - more likely two or three - but Naruto knows how to stay out of your way, and I _promise_ he'll do his best to behave himself, and I -"

All at once Iruka realized that she was beginning to sound _desperate_, even _worried_, and she swallowed everything else she'd been about to blurt and carefully composed herself once more. "Please," she added much more calmly than she felt (Naruto's tiny hand fisted comfortingly in the hem of her shirt).

The tokujou studied her a moment, absently gnawing on the senbon in his mouth, and nodded, opening the door wider and stepping inside. "Alright; in you come, squirt. I was just about to start on dinner. You like yakisoba?"

Naruto grinned and darted inside - then darted right back out again, bag gone from his shoulder and something in both hands, Gamachi held under his arm. "Ruka! Y'almost fergot these!" He shoved his hands up towards her and opened them revealing her hitai-ate and a leather strap for her hair.

"You mean you were holding on to them," she accused fondly and took them both, holding the symbol of her loyalty between her teeth until her hair was back in its trademark ponytail. Once her ensemble was truly complete, she knelt down in front of Naruto and took his hands in hers. "Be good for Genma-san, alright? I don't want to spend two weeks in the field only to come back and find that you've been a heathen."

Naruto nodded solemnly before flinging his arms around her neck and burying his face in her shoulder; Iruka returned the hug with just as fiercely.

"Be safe, Ruto-kun," she murmured as she pulled away, "and mind Genma-san." Something bittersweet tainted her smile, but it was fond and true nonetheless. She dropped a kiss to his head as she stood, ignoring the stunned expression on his cherubic face, and left Genma with a nod as she slipped out the window of the apartment complex and took to the roofs.

What she didn't see was the expression of shock on Naruto's face morph into something like pain, or grief - maybe even longing - as he clutched Gamachi to his chest. She didn't see her charge stare after where she'd disappeared for nearly five minutes, holding on to her gift to him as if he was holding on for dear life. And she certainly wasn't there to hear him whisper, "Come back, Ruka-sensei. Please come back 'live."

Somehow, she knew it anyway.

* * *

Genma found that Naruto, for being a rather wild and active kid, really was kind and considerate and generally well-behaved (as long as he was kept occupied and, above all, _moving_).

One week after Iruka had left, Genma was seriously wondering why _anyone_ would think Naruto was the Kyuubi incarnate. He had, in that one week, listened to Naruto pray every night before going to bed for the spirits - of the Yondaime, Iruka's parents, and Naruto's _own_ unknown family - to watch over the chunin and bring her home safe. He had let the boy buy him a bowl of ramen after Naruto seemed to notice he'd had a rough day. He had watched as Naruto ran around laughing and splashing in puddles during a rainstorm - and he'd also seen how the jinchuuriki of the most powerful and terrifying bijuu had stopped every time he'd found a drowning worm and carefully carried each and every one to safety and deposited them in the best bit of soil he could find. Genma had also borne witness to Naruto's spontaneous habit of staring melancholically out the window every evening, Gamachi held tightly in his arms, obviously waiting for Iruka's return.

Naruto's eyes, in those moments, were the eyes of a lost puppy, kicked and beaten so many times until finally shown kindness and now fearing that that kindness would be snatched away just like everything else.

The tokujou vowed to do his best to keep that sadness from the blond's azure eyes.

"You ready for class tomorrow?"

Naruto shrugged morosely as he continued to play with his food.

Genma huffed a soft sigh, then forced cheeriness back into his tone. "Didn't you say Kurenai-san was going to be teaching you? I thought you said you liked her."

The eight year old turned his eyes to his elder and stated, "But she's not _Ruka_-sensei."

This time his sigh was more audible as the tokujou conceded. "No, she's not."

What a depressing thought.

* * *

A week and a half later, and no word had been heard of Iruka. Naruto had even disappeared for two hours after school, leaving Genma nearly breathless with worry until he found him with the Hokage - in fact, sitting in the Hokage's lap while the village leader consoled the quietly sniffling child.

"Ah, Genma-san," Sandaime greeted. "Please, do come in." Genma dipped a short bow and took the chair in front of the desk. "Naruto-kun was asking after Iruka-kun," the Hokage explained, and Genma winced.

"I take it no word, then?" he asked sympathetically.

Sandaime shook his head. "None. Though," he added, looking down at the boy he held, "that means nothing, Naruto-kun; Iruka-kun's missions often last an average of three weeks - it is why he does not receive them so often. I can almost guarantee that we will have heard something by next Monday." The look he gave Genma, though, told him all he needed to know: Sandaime was worried, too, so he would be sending someone out to check in on her if she didn't return in the next day or so.

Genma flicked handsigns above Naruto's head. |_Was she supposed to be checking in?_|

The Hokage tilted his head back and forth. Only if she could, then.

|_Where is she?_|

At this Sandaime shook his head sadly; it was secret, then, known only to the Hokage himself.

The tokujou pinched the bridge of his nose to stave off the worry surging in his belly.

"Come, Naruto; why don't you let Genma-san take you home. You will doubtless be more comfortable there than here where you will be forced to watch an old man do paperwork." His attempt at levity fell on uncaring ears as Naruto nodded mutely and slid from his benefactor's lap. To Genma's surprise, however, Naruto walked right up to him and clambered into _his_ lap.

Genma froze for a second, then stood and settled the boy on one hip. _He's small,_ he realized, _and far too light_. Even with Iruka's and Genma's cooking, it seemed years of ramen and malnourishment were hard to overcome. Again the worry seethed - this time until it spilled over into the rest of him. "Why don't we go home and eat, ne?"

Naruto's head nodded where it nested on the crook of his neck.

With a nod to the Hokage, Genma carried Naruto back to his apartment where he set him gently on the couch. Making sure Naruto was bundled up with a soft blanket and Gamachi, Genma then prepared a light supper and sat beside Naruto on the couch while they ate. Once they finished, he took the dishes and left them by the sink to be taken care of later. He paused in the doorway, eyes rooted to the scene of the blond so mired in misery.

Something in him tightened; removing his jounin vest, he lifted a despondent Naruto into his arms and laid himself on the couch with the boy curled up on his chest. One hand traced soothing patterns on the boy's back until the faster breaths of small lungs evened out into sleep. Genma followed shortly after.

* * *

They were woken the next morning by Izumo, Kotetsu, and Raidou.

"We just got back last night," Raidou explained quietly as all three made themselves comfortable. Naruto, still asleep, hummed contently and snuggled closer to Genma's warmth, Gamachi still held tightly in one arm; all four shinobi smiled softly.

"Iruka hasn't returned," Genma informed them. "She left 18 days ago and hasn't been heard from."

Izumo and Kotetsu shared a look though they shifted uneasily. "It's not unheard of," Kotetsu admitted. "We've gone a month before without hearing from her - and that's when she returned from the mission. It just…"

"Doesn't happen often," Izumo finished for him. "Usually she manages at least one update to the Hokage who let's us know that she's alive, but sometimes she's so deep undercover that even that's not possible."

Genma winced sympathetically and was about to reply, when, "Gemma-nii?"

His heart seemed to swell and his chest warm comfortably, and his friends let out simultaneous 'aww's. "Yeah, squirt? You okay?"

Naruto shifted so that he was sitting on the couch (Genma took the opportunity to sit up and stretch out the kinks) and scrubbed the sleep from his eyes. When he opened them he saw their guests. "Mo-ji! Tetsu-ji! Yer back!" He lept up and gave them each a hug, settling himself in Kotetsu's lap.

"How have you liked staying with Genma, Ru-kun?" Izumo asked with a smile.

"It's been _awesome_, dattebayo! Gemma-nii makes lunch for me for school, an' 'e makes dinner every night - 'ceptin' sometimes he lets me get takeout - an' 'e helps me with homework, an' he let me splash in all th' puddles I wanted 's long as I was careful not t' track mud in th' house, an' he helped me catch frogs, an' -"

Kotetsu and Izumo laughed, and Raidou grinned. "Sounds like you've been busy," the scarred tokujou commented, and Naruto's head bobbed up and down.

"Dattebayo! Gemma-nii's so _cool_!"

"Not as cool as Ruka-chan, though, right?" Kotetsu said teasingly.

At this Naruto laughed and cried, "Never!" before descending into giggles. After a moment he sobered, though. "I miss Ruka-sensei," he admitted in a whisper, bottom lip beginning to wobble as his eyes welled with tears.

Almost immediately Genma was there swooping the boy up into his arms and holding him close as Naruto clung to him and cried. "I know, I know," he soothed as he rubbed Naruto's back, "and you'll see her again real soon, 'kay? She's just so busy being an amazing shinobi and helping people that she can't come home right now; you understand that, don't you?"

Naruto nodded and swallowed another sob, gradually bringing his grief down to the occasional hiccup. "I jus' - I jus' want 'er ta help people _here_ where she can help me, too, an' not get hurt by bully-nin."

Kotetsu raised an eyebrow. "Bully-nin?"

The jinchuuriki nodded and lifted his head to look at the others; Genma shifted obligingly. "Yeah, bully-nin. Ruka-sensei's always gettin' hurt on 'er missions 'cause some shinobi're jus' _temes_ an' can't see that Ruka-sensei's only tryin' ta _help_. They get all mean to 'er an' bully her till she's hurt real bad, but she's super strong an' awesome even if she ain't a jounin yet, an' she shows 'em why ya don't mess with Ruka-sensei, dattebayo!" His expression was one of absolute belief in the words he was saying, and it made the adults want to believe his words, too.

After that, Genma made breakfast for the five of them and even let Naruto stay home from the Academy so that he could play with Izumo and Kotetsu.

Watching the youngest three try to catch butterflies in the park from where he sat beside Raidou, Genma found himself wondering if maybe Naruto had hit the nail on the head.

* * *

Monday came and went; no word from Iruka. Tuesday afternoon, while Genma walked Naruto back to the apartment, a messenger hawk swooped down and settled on his proffered wrist. The summoning card was black. Unease twisted his stomach into knots.

"That's th' same color as Ruka-sensei's," Naruto informed him.

The tokujou glanced down in surprise. "What do you mean?" (Even though he thought he knew).

"When Ruka-sensei got called on her mission, another hawk came an' gave 'er a little paper like that one, an' it was black, too."

The unease stilled and tripled at the same time. Black was for ANBU only. Green for D-ranks, yellow for C, blue for B, purple for A, and black for ANBU. Red marks meant urgent, and just the hawk meant no mission but a summons to the hokage. The color-coding applied to the level of secrecy of message scrolls of any kind, with the addition of the color white, which meant that scroll was for Kage eyes only.

If Iruka had received a black summoning card, then… then Umino Iruka _had_ to be ANBU. But… that couldn't be right.

Could it?

Kind, caring Iruka-san? In _ANBU_? As a _chunin_? It _really_ didn't add up at _all_. Returning the card to the bird and launching it back into the air, Genma watched for a long moment the passing of the clouds.

Then, with a sigh, he knelt in front of Naruto. "Alright squirt, you know the drill. Who do you wanna stay with till either Iruka or I get back?"

The boy dithered before mumbling dejectedly, "I guess Mo-ji an' Tetsu-ji." He scuffed his toe in the dirt.

Genma nodded. "Alright," he said. "Izumo's on guard duty with Raidou right now, but Kotetsu should be in the Jounin Standby Lounge. Do you know where that is?"

Naruto nodded, big, blue eyes blinking balefully up at him. As if Genma was leaving him by _choice_. Another sigh, and Genma stood, ruffling Naruto's already-wild hair. "Alright. Why don't you go there and just tell the first person that I sent you looking for Kotetsu, alright? And," he hesitated, voice dropping in volume almost unconsciously, "why don't we keep the color of Iruka-sensei's cummoning card to ourselves, ne?Like a secret."

The blond somewhat brightened. "Alright!" He bounced forward and wrapped his arms around Genma's neck, pulling back quickly enough with a flicker of… _something_ in his eyes. Running a little short on time, Genma dismissed it and stood.

"Alright. Behave, squirt, and eat your vegetables. And mind Kotetsu and Izumo - and Raidou, too, I guess. I'll see ya soon."

Then, with a brilliant smile, the tokujou jogged off to participate in what would become a rather interesting thoroughfare.

* * *

Bat was used to the way missions turned out. It was a simple fact of life at this point: receive the mission, go on the mission, mission fails spectacularly, Bat pulls shit together, complete mission, return to Konoha, wait for mission, repeat. They were, by that particular order of things, still pulling shit together.

Iruka groaned and thunked her head against the cold, stone wall behind her. She had been in this cave for an indefinite - though definitely long - period of time, and she was pretty sure she was going slowly insane. Her captors only saw fit to give her stale, slightly questionable water at varying intervals, so the only way to really tell the passage of time was still continuing was through the slightly more predictable routine of her pain.

Once a day someone would come in and torture her for information. They always made it painful, always tried to test her limits (they would never find them), but the chunin-ANBU's resilience meant that she was never quite broken. Cracked, yes, and fractured - even splintered in some places - but never shattered, never broken.

First and foremost Iruka was a survivor. She held her head high when they interrogated her, kept her mouth cinched shut when the pain first began, but, as survivor, Iruka understood intimately the futility of trying to remain strong beyond one's limits; once the pain ramped up to agony, and from agony to unrelenting flames, Iruka let herself scream, ler herself sob and beg and plead and bargain with everything she seemed to have (except what they wanted, obviously, because that's not how the game worked; it's not how you survived).

She was chained and shackled to the rough stone wall, clothing torn almost from her body, blood and bruises painting almost every inch of skin. Her hair hung limp and disgusting around her face, stuck together with sticky lumps of blood, sweat and vomit all turned brown from dust and exposure (it blended with her dark hair, coincidently, and that brought a mild source of amusement whenever she could bring herself to think about it).

The mission had started out normally enough (they usually did). Bat had been captured near the border of the enemy camp and interrogated. Of course, this meant that Bat had all the information they needed within the first three days.

Apparently the leader of the little band was more used to shinobi than Bat had been previously aware, and he had recognized the ANBU mask for what it was: a symbol of the elite, of the cunning and dangerous. Immediately the mask had been stripped from her face, and Iruka had put up the best fight she could while she was dragged into the unrelenting darkness.

Where she still was, because common courtesy is not something brigands of bandits are familiar with. Another sigh, raspy and slightly painful, escaped her chapped lips as another thud echoed in the cavern. _The greatest torture_, she reflected wryly, _is _waiting _for it_. She was just about ready to try for a bit of shut-eye when shouts began to echo down to her; brown eyes opened and gazed in the vague direction she knew the cell door to be despite the pitch black around her.

Without warning the door slammed open making her startle. The ice-cold iron of her shackles bit deeper into her skin at the movement, but it was the abrupt appearance of a torch that brought the most pain. Her eyes became the barest slits to try and stem the tide while still allowing her to see what was happening, and even that small opening allowed the light to stab into her retinas and amp up the headache already throbbing at her temples.

"Urgh," she grunted, then yelped as her broken ankle was kicked.

"C'mon, slut," her tormentor snarled. "Th' boss wants ta see ya."

Two more men moved to either side of her and unchained her before hauling her up by her arms and dragging her out into the main cavern. There they dropped her at the feet of the one she currently hated most in the world.

"I see you're still alive," he commented after some moments.

Iruka snorted, arms straining as they attempted to push her into a sitting position. She felt eyes gleefully watching her struggle, but she ignored _them _in favor of ignoring the lances of pain. "Yeah," she grunted as she managed to heave herself onto her back, torso propped up with her elbows. "Bet yer a little dis'ppointed 'bout that." The chunin spat a globule of blood into the dirt beside her, face scrunched in disgust at the aftertaste.

At last the man admitted, "I am confused, ANBU-san. I assume your loyalties lie with Konohagakure, seeing as no other village has a Bat amongst its ranks, but then should not your allies have come for you by now? Where are your friends?"

A bitter taste spread in her mouth, something other than bile and blood, but she swallowed it down in favor of bullheaded obstinance. "I'm a little differen', yarou-san; they don' send rescuers after me."

One eyebrow quirked. "Oh?"

She nodded with mock gravity. "Yep. They sen' me in, an' I gotta get m'self out. If I don't…" Iruka shrugged nonchalantly. "Oh, well."

Again the man eyed her at length. He had just opened his mouth to say something when Iruka interrupted him.

"Ahh, if yer gonna ask me t' join ya, then I gotta stop ya right there, buddy. Ain't nobody ever swayed me b'fore, an' ain't nobody gonna now."

His face set in a scowl, dark eyes narrowed and flashing. "You would do well," he bit out, to watch your _tongue_. You are only alive by my order, and you should keep that in mind."

Iruka, though a survivor, was not necessarily known for her self-preservation - in fact, she was most known for her temper. She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Alive - and treated _so_ hospitably, too. Beaten, starved, 'lectrocuted - that was a s'prise, by th' way - an' lef' ta wallow in my misery. _Very_ welcom -"

The blow caught her across the mouth, knocking her onto her back and cracking her head against the floor. Iruka saw stars, and the headache transitioned straight into a migraine; something warm filled her mouth and dribbled out the corner, and after the stars faded Iruka realized it was blood. _I must've bit my tongue…_

She squinted up at the blurred form hovering over her and growling, but between the pounding and conscious effort not to choke on blood, nothing was quite making sense.

For a moment Iruka closed her eyes. She lightly pulsed her chakra once, more of a reflex in enemy territory than a conscious thought, and though her thoughts were slow and slippery, something quite like hope began to form.

_Only a few men… not very strong… distracted… entrance clear… _This, it dawned, was her chance.

She waited for the man's fury to override his logic, and he lunged down and dragged her up by a fistful of her hair. Before he could shake her jarringly a second time, Iruka's eyes snapped open, and she spat her mouthful of blood right into his eyes. With a cry she was dropped, but as she fell she lashed out with her good foot (good was very relative at this point) and caught him right in the balls. He yelped, and she landed harshly on her side, but in seconds she was shoving up with a surge of adrenaline and rushing for the cave entrance. Two men made to intercept her, but Iruka was shinobi, even as battered as she was. A quick leap over their heads was enough to clear the path for her, and she snagged a knife from the second man as she dashed away.

The chunin channeled chakra into her legs as she ran, heart pumping wildly in her chest. She would only have one chance at this, and should she fail, she would be killed.

Behind her a hunting horn sounded, primitive but effective, and the hounds she had successfully avoided during infiltration now bayed and clamored for her blood. Five minutes later and she knew they were gaining; three more and she was forced to dodge the first arrow with a curse. After that she took to the trees, forcing chakra to her eyes in order to focus the spinning world. There were a handful of moments where she stumbled, others where only a kawarimi saved her life, but still she pressed on.

Somehow, perhaps because of the adrenaline, Iruka's chakra kept her running straight on till nightfall, long after she sensed her pursuers fade away behind her. The chunin-ANBU stuttered to a halt in the trees, barely managing to keep herself conscious long enough to descend to solid ground where she promptly collapsed and drifted into sweet, dark oblivion.

* * *

Iruka woke just in time to roll, katana blade slamming into the dirt where she had just been. She came to her feet, stolen knife held in front of her in a backwards grip, and faced her attacker. He was a big man, six feet tall, and obviously very strong if he was confident enough to be wielding a katana on the ground instead of the back of a horse. It took a hazy moment, but she _was_ able to place him as one of the bandits in the camp.

"Thought ya could escape, ne?" he sneered and charged.

She spun out of the way, leaping and landing on the balls of her feet, light as a feather and just as deadly (no, seriously; she'd seen shinobi do scary things with feathers). Her limbs felt like lead, and she was 90 percent positive that she had a rather worrying concussion, but her blood was singing, and her chakra - carefully rationed and hidden until her escape - pulsed with a comforting warmth. Iruka was a _survivor_, born and bred for the moments when all hope seemed lost and all strength had failed.

This - _This_ is what she was made for.

The man lunged again, a little more angry, but she used that to her advantage. His anger leant momentum to his advance, and the weight of the katana would keep pulling him forward even if he tried to stop, even if he was skilled. Iruka bounced forward, one foot landing lightly on the broad edge of the katana causing the whole thing to dip to the earth with her weight. She waited just long enough for the tip to touch dirt, and then she was launching up and over her opponent to land behind him. The katana, driven by inertia and the combined weight of its wielder and itself, dug into the dirt and instantaneously halted any forward motion. Her attacker gave a shout of surprise as he all but tripped over his own weapon, barely managing to catch himself. Once he regained his balance, he tugged his blade from the earth and turned to face her with murder in his eyes.

"Smart," he grunted - and came at her again.

There would be no second time, Iruka knew. She had pulled one over on this mercenary once, but he was too clever for his own good; he would see any similar tricks a mile away, and Iruka was too exhausted to pull anything much better than that first attempt. So she met him head-on.

The clang of steel against steel rang in the confined space of the small clearing (only a handful of feet square - pretty tiny), a crude dagger against a fully-sized sword. In any other circumstances, the winner would be obvious - and it wouldn't be Iruka.

But, again, she was a survivor, a ball of instinct and cunning that only came out when the situation was at its most desperate. Iruka would win because she had to, because there was no other choice - because it was a _part_ of her, like the kekkei genkai she never used except in the shadows of her own home.

The fight dragged on longer than it should have. Iruka met the swordsman blow for blow, dodging and parrying on instinct, always keeping just out of reach or just inside his guard. She was quick, but she was also injured, and it was slowing down her reaction-time and preventing any of her stronger, battle-winning maneuvers. Sparks flew, and she was scratched and nicked, but finally, _finally_ she saw the opening she had been waiting for.

She took it.

When the katana shot forward to take her in the stomach, Iruka shifted so that it sliced deep into her side even as she lunged, knife flying from her fingers with the deadly accuracy of a life of practice. The dagger flipped once, twice, thrice across the short distance and sunk point-first into the man's left eye with a squelch. And that was that.

Physics was still at work, so both bodies collided and flopped back to the earth; the katana clattered gracelessly to the ground. Iruka lay there, dazed, until the sharp burning in her side forced her to move. It was difficult, twisting herself to inspect the injury, but she managed and was infinitely grateful that the slice was no more than a rather large, rather serious papercut. Trembling hands tore a strip from the bottom of her raggedy pants and tied it around her waist, and then she dragged herself to the base of the nearest tree and slumped there bonelessly.

It was over.

* * *

When she next awoke, it was to the dull sounds of someone worrying. She grunted and pried her eyes open, blinked at the glittering lights above she intuitively recognized as stars, and finally focused on the face hovering nearby.

"... Ge… ma?" she croaked, and fire shot through her body and seized her lungs.

"Easy, easy," he soothed and helped her drink a few precious sips of water. "Just - Take it easy, ne? You're in pretty rough shape."

Considering that her very eyeballs ached, she was inclined to agree.

He kept talking, whether to distract her or himself it didn't matter. "I patched you up as best as I could, but I'll admit that I'm not a medic, and I didn't carry in _way_ near enough supplies to deal with the smashed plum that is your body."

Iruka snorted - and immediately regretted it, descending into a coughing fit that sent lightning rocketing through her. She attempted to curl in on herself, but that only made it worse, and within four minutes she was a gasping, sobbing mess on the ground. Genma winced sympathetically and gently ran his ungloved-hand through her hair until the throbbing scorch had all but died down. "... Report," she whispered.

"When you didn't return or send word after the second week, Sandaime-sama became worried and sent someone to make sure you were still alive. The ANBU reported that you seemed to have been captured, but your mask was on display in the center of the main camp of bandits you had been infiltrating. Sandaime sent me to retrieve you as soon as the report came in - a full three weeks after you had left. It took me three days to arrive at the camp, two to annihilate it, and another to track you down. I've been here maybe…" He glanced up at the sky, judging the time by the passage of the stars, "two hours, tops."

She nodded as if it all made sense. "Mission… complete," she informed him. "Got… th' info."

He raised an eyebrow. "Good," Genma said dryly, "because if you didn't then Naruto almost lost you for nothing."

It was her turn to wince, her friend following a moment later.

"Sorry; that was a bit harsh." Silence descended as Iruka breathed through a wave of pain. "So." He coughed awkwardly. "ANBU, ne?"

"...T&... I," Iruka panted. "Almost… since I turned… 18."

The other eyebrow joined the first. "Are you tellin' me that I've been working alongside you for just about a year and didn't _recognize_ you?"

Another snort, this time more of a careful huff. |_You see mask?_| she signed, sick of the agony just _breathing_ caused, let alone _talking_.

He shook his head. "No. I mean, well, I know where it _is_, but I was more worried about finding you. It's with the rest of your looted supplies," he added.

|_Codename: Bat._|

The tokujou's hazel eyes widened in shock as he choked on his next words. "Y-You're _Bat_? _The_ Bat?!" He took a steadying breath and let it out as an amazed whistle. "Wow. Yeah, you - That definitely explains a lot."

A long, long moment passed before Genma sighed and scrubbed his face with his hands.

"Alright, if you run infiltration missions, then why did you try to infiltrate _bandits_ as blatantly ANBU? Why not go in as one of them?"

She twitched one shoulder. |_Too slow. Capture ANBU, interrogate, I get info faster. Boss… Boss know ANBU, ruined plan._|

"_I'll_ say," he muttered and sighed again. "Alright. Fine. I believe you, you crazy hellcat chunin, so I hope you're happy." He glanced once more at the star then at the jolly campfire not too far away. "Tomorrow I'll finish patching you up as best I can, and then I'm taking you back to Konoha - after I retrieve your supplies, obviously. For now, get some sleep."

Iruka knew better than to argue.

* * *

Three days later found Bat on Tiger's back as they neared the village. Bat had been thinking long and hard about what to do, mind torn between opposing loyalties. _If Genma knows the truth, then he can help me. But if he knows the truth, then the Councils could manipulate him in order to manipulate me. Besides that, Ibiki did not give permission for Genma to know my identity, which could put Genma in danger - could put _anyone _in danger who knows Bat's alternate persona._

Bat already knew what they had decided. Just before they came within sight of the village walls, Bat slipped a very specific senbon from their pouch and stabbed Tiger in a pressure point that would knock him out. Bat rolled with the impact of suddenly dropping to the ground, crawled back to the senbon still in Tiger's neck, formed a one-handed seal, and whispered the jutsu beneath their breath. Blue chakra sparked along the senbon for a split-second before it faded, and Bat removed the needle with a gasp of exhaustion.

"I'm sorry," they breathed, free hand running through Tiger's hair, regret and shame twisting their gut, "but I'm not safe."

Five minutes later Tiger woke up and, moving as if in a daze, lifted Bat in their arms and carried them to T&I for their report. When Tiger was dismissed, Bat stayed behind.

"Well?" Ibiki asked.

Bat fumbled off the mask, and Iruka sucked in breath of clean, sweet air. "Tiger-san saw my mask - and then me. I applied the jutsu-drug combo I created to wipe his memories of that, so Tiger-san only believes that he found the ANBU he'd been sent to find, but he won't remember that it was Bat nor that Bat is me."

Ibiki nodded. "Good job. And there's no evidence?"

"None."

The torture specialist ran a thorough eye over her before stating, "We'll forgoe the usual routine this time, Iruka; in your state it would do much more harm than good."

_As if it does good anyway_. Except it _had_, because hadn't she just survived three weeks of torture? Iruka sighed and nodded. "Arigato, Ibiki-san. I'll change into my uniform and make my way to the hospital."

Another solemn nod. "Dismissed."

Iruka replaced the mask, and Bat limped out of the sparse office.

The next day, as Iruka sat in her hospital bed surrounded by Naruto and her four friends, she couldn't quite bring herself to meet Genma's eyes even though he had no idea what she'd done.

And that was the problem.

Iruka, for all that she was surrounded by a surrogate family, was alone, forgotten though she could not forget (could not forgive, because she was a monster who lied and drugged and _manipulated_ her most precious people so that she could pretend they were safe - from _her_).

And it hurt.

* * *

_Okay, before you try to sacrifice me to the Shinigami, please hear me out. _

_Yes, I realize that the ANBU tattoos are for summoning active agents. However, I'm still trying to work out how the Hokage can summon specific people using that method since in my mind it's a single seal connected to the tattoos that the Hokage just channels chakra into and BAM - I summon thee shinobi whatever. So, you get this hawk-paper system that Sandaime uses when summoning specific people or teams while the tattoo is for summoning all the ANBU at once. Besides, we know the hawks are used in canon, so I feel it's a decent interpretation. _

_For those of you who love Genma, here you go. I started writing this chapter (ha! a day ago, actually) and Genma kinda just took his part and ran with it. _

_Also, I wasn't planning on writing about Iruka's mission from her point of view. Genma was going to remain the main PoV, save Iruka without ever seeing her ANBU mask, and live forever wondering. _

_On the subject of ANBU!Iruka, you weren't supposed to be introduced to that for another... oh, five or six chapters, actually, and I even have that chapter completely written out; it's when Mizuki betrays Konoha, actually. But, yeah, now you know the secret I was so proud of for concealing. Your welcome._

_Also-also on the subject of ANBU!Iruka: Kotetsu was actually supposed to be the only one who knows that Iruka is ANBU, and, well, you can see how I sorta made that true again. Sorry. I do feel really bad for making Iruka alter Genma's memories, but I couldn't really see another choice. I;m not sure I wrote or explained it well, either, so sorry. Again. _

_For the actual mind-altering bit, I drew on the fact that Iruka actually has some skill with seals (more in this verse than in canon, granted, but there's some basis in truth), and Iruka, as ANBU, would know some things about poisons. So, genius that Iruka is, she used her amazing chakra control, fuuinjutsu skills, and poison-savvy to drug-jutsu-mind-control Genma into remembering events a little differently. If anyone wants to figure out the details of this particular technique, please go ahead. _

_Anyway, I hope you liked it! I was going to include an omake at the end about Naruto showing up at the Jounin Standby Station, but I really didn't have the patience to pour any more time into this chapter. If you still want to see that, let me know and I'll post it as an aside to this story :) _

_As always, please favorite, follow, and/or review. Your support is what gets you multiple chapters posted within days of each other lol. _

_Thank you!_


	5. Age 20 - Just a Little Broken pt 1

_Welcome to another production of Facade! I'll try to keep it short up here since I have some things to say at the end - good things, don't worry._

_Warnings: Um... Nothing? There's some implied depression in the last section, and a very brief allusion to when Giruko raped Kotetsu, nut otherwise nothing I can think of... Oh, slight language. Barely. Heh._

"Speech" - _Thoughts _

_Memories and dreams will always appear in italics. You'll know it when you see it. There are a bun h of random OCs I had to throw in since we're not really introduced to many characters that serve no real plot purpose in the anime or manga, so for the sake of expanding our view of the Konoha shinobi as a whole - and providing some much-needed interactions with Iruka's peers - I have created new characters. Actually, I based them off of OC designs I searched on the web lol. If you want to see those, let me know so I can post a link in my profile. _

_Enjoy!_

* * *

If Iruka had to look at one more kami-damned jounin report she was going to take a kunai to either herself or the jounin - and it didn't really matter which.

Somewhere to her right one of her fellow chunin whimpered quietly, and to her left another muttered, "Don't even _joke_ like that, Iruka-san; if _you _die then _nothing_ will work and then _everyone_ will die."

She sucked in a breath, held it for dragging seconds, and let it out roughly. Crap. They weren't wrong (she ignored the fact that they had read her mind; she was used to it by now).

Iruka was well aware that she was perhaps the only one in the entire village - besides the Hokage himself - who could reign in the tetchy (and insane) jounin when needed. Thankfully there was a slight lull in the Missions Office, so Iruka was able to shove back from her desk and march to the coffee machine in the corner - _only_ for the use of the Mission Desk workers, and paid for out of their own pockets so that it was _fancy_ and _expensive_ and _perfect_ because, dammit, dealing with crazy jounin was the absolute _worst_. Fresh nectar in hand, the sepia chunin reclaimed her seat; she took a long, savouring sip of the aromatic drink and let it fortify her for the next round of hell.

And in walked Hatake Kakashi.

Sad to say, but several of the Missions Desk workers - all chunin, always - paled, half shaking in their sandals and the other half actually _diving under their desks_. Hatake, an amused glint in his charcoal eye, glanced around the room as if scouting for a victim.

A final bracing breath, and Iruka squared her shoulders, lifted her chin, and met his one-eyed gaze with the very steel she used to survive.

The jounin held her gaze and smirked, but he made his way to her desk, and that's what she had wanted. Warily her companions regained control and went back to work.

"Ohayo, Hatake-san," she greeted with deceptive amiability. "Here to turn in your mission report?"

He offered a two-fingered salute, other hand shoved lazily in his pocket. "Yo! Maa, you guessed it right, Umino-san." Then, with a beatific smile (she couldn't see it but by _kami_ she knew it was there) that set her teeth on edge he proffered a single sheet of paper.

Iruka, responsible adult that she was, took it without a word and glared at the sight before her. There were hardly two lines of scratchy scrawl, the rest of the blank space taken up by crude depictions of familiar people - drawn as lazy stick figures - copulating in various positions. On top of that kami-awful mess were splatterings of mud, blood, tea, ketchup, and… Were those grass stains?

_The report was a whole month late_.

She smiled as sweetly as she could and said, "Thank you for your work, Hatake-san. I hope the door doesn't hit you on your way out."

Judging by the hush that fell over the room and the slightly shocked - if still amused - look in Hatake's eye, she had said that last part out loud. Well, frick. Oh, well; she couldn't bring herself to care anymore. Iruka's smile stayed innocent though there seemed to be a shark-like edge to it that made the jounin's own eye narrow suspiciously.

"Have a nice day, Hatake-san."

With a final glance, he turned and exited the building, and the whole room let out a collective sigh of relief.

"That was close," someone, probably Kirana Choumei, commented with a forced levity that fell flat.

"Crisis averted," another, this one definitely Higichi Tobu, joked tensely.

The chunin directly to Iruka's left, Adei Siizu, turned to her and expressed, "Arigato, Iruka-san, for doing that; kami knows we wouldn't have survived him."

Iruka opened her mouth to make some comment about idiot jounin when a tokujou she was only vaguely familiar with stepped in and up to Choumei's desk.

The tokujou, tall and lean with spiky black hair and red sunglasses, glanced behind him in obvious confusion. "What'd y'all do to Kakashi-san? The kid's looking constipated - not that that's irregular," he smirked and turned back to submitting his report.

"Hatake-san likes to spread his insanity," Choumei snorted.

"But we're safe 's long as we got Iruka-san!" Tobu protested - this time with much more cheer.

Iruka felt a flush rise to her cheeks. "Well," she began to protest, but Choumei cut her off.

"Nuh-uh, honey; you're an asset to this office for more than just your organization skills."

Siizu nodded vigorously. "You're probably the only chunin in all of Konoha that the jounin actually listen to, Iruka-san. If it weren't fer _you_, this whole place'd be burned down fer sure!"

Sounds of agreement filled the air, and the tokujou eyed her interestedly. "Weren't for you, ne?" He offered an easy smile and sauntered over, hand outstretched as soon as he planted himself in front of her desk. "Th' name's Aoba - Yamashiro Aoba." As she shook his hand (she was blushing so _hard_, dangit!) he commented, "If you're the reason we haven't been set on fire, then I think I want to get to know you."

Iruka's cheeks might as _well_ have been on fire for all they felt to be burning, but there was also something like pride nestling itself in her chest. Squaring her shoulders and drawing on her courage, she replied with a grin of her own, "Then I'd like to get to know you, too, Aoba-san."

If only she knew what she was getting herself into.

* * *

The morning of Iruka's birthday dawned bright and cheery - and very, very loud. Iruka had, in a fit of mild insanity, made the mistake of off-handedly mentioning while in Naruto's presence that her birthday was coming up. Naruto, it seemed, had gone to one of Iruka's various friends (most likely Kotetsu and/or Izumo) to discover the actual date. This is why Iruka was woken by laughter and yelling and someone small jumping on her bed.

"GACK!"

With an undignified yelp Iruka tumbled off the bed.

"Ruka-sensei!" Naruto cackled holding his stomach. "Ruka-sensei, you shoulda seen your _face_!"

Iruka fought herself free from her blankets, head popping out of the jumble to glare at the energetic blond. Just as her mouth opened to lambast him for interrupting her annual sleep-in, a hand reached into the blankets, snagged the back of her sleep shirt, and hauled her into the air. "_Kotetsu_! So _help_ me, you son of a wrinkly-assed monkey, if you don't _put me down_ -"

"Maa, maa," her teammate laughed in the face of her tomato-faced screeching, "why don't you chillax a little? Didn't you know it's your birthday?"

Her hands tugged at her hair as she screamed in aggravation. Before she could kill him, though, Izumo carefully extricated her from Kotetsu's hold and set her on the floor, arms crossed angrily over her chest as she glared.

"It," she grit out, "is barely after _dawn_. This is the _one_ day a year I am allowed to sleep in past six in the _freakish morning_, so _what am I doing awake_?"

Naruto bounced unrepentantly up to her, beaming so wide that his eyes were forced closed. "'Cause it's your birthday, an' we wanted ta spend all day with ya 'cause yer our precious person, dattebayo!"

Her irritation softened in the face of such honest enthusiasm, and she huffed before drawing him into a side hug. "Alright, you little gaki," she growled playfully, ruffling his hair. "I'm up now, and Tetsu and Zumo are here, so what do you say to breakfast?"

He turned in her grasp from trying to escape to squeezing her middle. "Pancakes, Ruka-sensei, dattebayo!"

She laughed and swung him up onto her hip (he was still so _small_ for his age). "Alright, alright. Ah, what kind?"

"Chocolate chips!" he crowed. "With whipped cream an' honey!"

Kotetsu pressed in against Iruka's other side, a look of affront on his face. "Hey! _Apple_ pancakes, gaki! _Apple_! With _cinnamon_!"

Izumo chuckled, and Iruka rolled her eyes as Naruto and Kotetsu got into an argument over which pancakes were better. "How about both," Izumo suggested with a wink in her direction - meaning he would help her make the large quantity of pancakes needed to feed the bottomless pits that were Naruto's and Kotetsu's stomachs.

Naruto and Kotetsu cheered, and Iruka let Naruto down so that he could run around and burn off energy until breakfast.

After showering and dressing in black athletic leggings, her binder, and her Ichiraku Tshirt (extra big because that's how she loved it), Iruka made her way to the kitchen. She paused in the entryway just long enough to pull her hair back in a half-tail with a leather band before diving in to begin the heap of pancakes that would be required. One mountain of apple-cinnamon and one mountain of chocolate-chip later (plus a smaller pile of regular for Izumo), Iruka sat down with her make-shift family at her small table.

"Alright," she announced, cutting through the clamour with ease. "Apple pancakes with cinnamon for Kotetsu, and chocolate chip for Naruto. There's regular homemade syrup, whipped cream, and honey to put on them if you want." Iruka turned to Izumo with satisfied smirk. "And, just for you, regular pancakes with homemade strawberry syrup and canned peaches from last year's harvest."

Two jaws dropped, and Izumo grinned. "You," he stated, "are amazing. I could marry you, you know that?"

Naruto made a face. "Ew! Ruka-sensei, you can't marry _him_!"

"And why not," she argued playfully. "At least _he_ appreciates me."

Now Kotetsu grimaced. "That's like marrying your _brother_, Ruka-chan."

Iruka made herself look as innocent as possible and reached over to hold Izumo's hand. "But _Tetsu_, what if we love each other?" Izumo turned adoring eyes on her, folding the hand holding his beneath his other. "You wouldn't deny us _love_, would you?" She batted her eyes, even managing to make them bright and watery.

Blond and blackette stared in horror before simultaneously gagging and running from the table; Iruka and Izumo busted up, and she leaned over to kiss his cheek in familial affection. With a smile the size of the Hokage Mountain she declared, "Best. Birthday. _Ever_."

* * *

That evening Iruka hosted a small party - at the request of her boys - at her parent's house. Genma brought cake, and everyone else brought presents.

From Kotetsu she received a warm scarf and thin, fleece-and-leather gloves for the colder months (and colder missions); Raidou gave her a new recipe book; Izumo's present was a linen kimono of moss green with metallic blue dragonflies embroidered along the bottom, back, and cuffs, and the obi and haneri were a spring green.

("Zumo, I can't accept this!"

"But Ruka-chan," Kotetsu protested, "he spent _days_ thinking about what to get you!"

"But I -"

"You look pretty in green, Ruka-sensei, dattebayo!" Naruto interjected with a bright, honest smile.

Iruka softened - as she always did - and ruffled the blond's hair. "Thank you, Zumo," she murmured and leaned forward to give him a hug.

"Naru-kun's right, you know," the youngest of her 'brothers' murmured as she pulled away, and she blushed.

"Alright! Next one!")

Naruto's was last, and it nearly brought tears to her eyes despite its simplicity. It was a smaller version of Gamachi, the size of a small teddy bear (perfect for storing in scrolls).

"It's so ya can always r'member me on yer missions, Ruka-sensei, dattebayo!" the blond announced, pressed up against her side and tucked under an arm.

"I couldn't forget you if I tried," she replied with a grin, tweaking his ear and making him giggle into her ribs.

"Whaddya gonna name 'im, Ruka-sensei?"

The poor thing was almost bouncing into her lap with excitement, and she laughed and dragged him to perch there anyway, arms wrapped around him so that the small frog was held out in front of her. "I don't know… How about Kurumi?"

Naruto made a face. "But tha's a tree! Not a _frog_, dattebayo!"

Another laugh, the other adults laughing or chuckling with her. "Alright, alright. Hmm… What about Gamatoba?"

He squirmed giddily. "Oi! Oi! Gamatoba's _awesome_, Ruka-sensei, dattebayo! An' now he can go on all yer missions with ya an' ya can pretend it's me 'cause I always wish it was me goin' with ya so that I could always see ya, Ruka-sensei, dattebayo, an' -"

"Ne, ne, slow down," she laughed and nuzzled his whiskers to make him laugh. He giggled and tried to get away, but she held him fast and proceeded to tickle him mirthlessly until he was breathless with laughter. Eventually she let him go, but instead of running off, he only settled back against her and sighed happily, Gamachi wrapped contentedly in his arms.

Iruka basked in the warm glow for a moment before glancing at the clock. "Ahh, Ruto-kun, it's time for you to go to bed."

"Bed? But _Ruka-sensei_ -"

"I know, I know, but I told you that I was going to go out and have fun with my friends, Ruto-kun."

He pouted.

"That means you get to spend all evening with Raidou's younger sister - you like Koko-chan, don't you Ruto-kun?"

Naruto sighed heavily. "Yeah, I guess. She's pretty nice…" He turned as best as he could to face her. "But she ain't _you_, dattebayo!"

Iruka smiled and hugged him, standing as she did so. "That might be true," she chided gently, "but you know I don't get to do this very often, and I'd really like to go, Naruto. Do you think you can make it one evening without me?"

Bright azure held on to gentle brown for a long instant - until he finally nodded and pillowed his head on her shoulder. "Guess so, Ruka-sensei," he mumbled, then straightened up to look at her again, eyes serious. "Promise you'll wake me up when ya get home?"

"Promise."

"An' promise you won' let any gross ol' pervert try ta do gross things with ya like they do in th' Red Light District?"

Faint anger stirred in her chest at the lost innocence of this sweet boy, but she pushed it aside. "Of course, Naruto, and I'll have Zumo, Tetsu, Genma, and Raidou with me the whole time, alright?"

He nodded - then leaned forward, wrapped his arms around her neck, and placed a sloppy kiss to her cheek. "Have fun, Ruka-sensei!"

Iruka laughed bright and clear and pressed her lips to his forehead. "Alright, Ruto-kun, I will." She set him down and watched him run off to his bedroom with a smile. "Alright," she said turning to the other adults who were standing and stretching. "Where are we going?"

"We thought we'd try that one bar a couple blocks down from the Hokage Tower," Kotetsu replied.

"The Rusty Kunai," Genma agreed.

Iruka nodded and began walking to her room. "Give me five minutes."

Five minutes later she stepped out of her bedroom dressed in dusty-blue skinny jeans, a white undershirt, and a deep red button-up left unbuttoned with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows. Her hair was still in a half-tail, and Kotetsu let out an appreciative whistle.

"Hot damn, Ruka-chan, you're gonna kill it tonight."

She all but sashayed past with a wink and a sly grin. "Of course; that's the whole point, isn't it?"

The boys blinked stupidly after her for a moment before following her out the front door (just in time for Koko to arrive and playfully tackle her brother).

At The Rusty Kunai, Iruka ignored the gazes her entrance drew and settled her small party in one of the booths along the far wall.

"I'm glad we dressed casually for this," Kotetsu muttered, tugging at the collar of his charcoal dress shirt.

Izumo nudged him in the side. "Hey, we only do this for birthdays, so I think one night won't kill you."

"I know, I know."

Iruka rolled her eyes and said, standing, "Why don't I get us some drinks, ne?"

By now she knew everyone's usuals, so she was at the bar before the others could even really reply. She leaned against the bar to wait for the bartender - and nearly startled out of her skin when a shadow ghosted up in front of her.

"Want it on your party tab?"

It was a near thing, but she managed to keep herself from yelping; she did jump though, earning her a smirk from the bartender - the one who had spoken.

"Little jumpy t'e be drinkin', ain't ya, kid?"

She felt her cheeks warm, and she cleared her throat. "What was that about a party tab?"

He smirked. "All us barkeeps talk, an' a few of th' others let me know about a certain tradition you an' your friends have - one that'd be showin' up soon." The bartender - older and with an ex-ANBU tattoo peeking out from beneath his sleeve - pulled out her 'usuals' and slid them across to her. "Happy birthday, kid," he smiled honestly. "Enjoy it. People in our profession don' get to celebrate too many of 'em."

Iruka paused, fingers curled around the edges of the tray on which the drinks for her table rested, and returned the smile. "Thank you," she murmured with a dip of her head, then returned to her friends.

* * *

_-sand - laughter - children - mountains - family-_

_-fear - pain - betrayal - blood-_

* * *

A week later Iruka sat at the bar in The Rusty Kunai with a glass of the strongest sake they served, late at night, covered in a sheen of sweat; her hair was greasy and pulled back in a lank, low tail, and she was dressed in baggy clothes she had stolen from Izumo and Kotetsu. Though she was no longer trembling, her hands remained clenched around her cup, and her presence was nothing short of gloomy.

"You been here awhile, kid," the bartender (she had learned his name was Katozu) commented lightly, but his eyes were beginning to worry.

She twitched a finger to signal for a refill; Katozu sighed but poured her more sake anyway. Instead of just leaving, though, he set the jug to the side and settled across from her.

"What's eatin' ya, kiddo? Mission?"

Iruka didn't respond.

"Bad dream?"

_-flashes of chakra - the Kyuubi smashing her world apart - Kotetsu struggling beneath the weight of a bigger body-_

She flinched, even if just minutely.

"Ah," he grunted sympathetically. "Nightmare, then. Mission-related?"

For a moment she said nothing, then gave a slight shake of her head, brows furrowing even tighter; when she spoke her voice was barely more than a whisper. "I just… I remember all these happy times, and I reach out to hold on to them…" Her hand stretched out in front of her and grasped at empty air, "but just when I think I can keep the good things," she pulled her hand close and opened it, staring at her clammy palm with haunted eyes, "they turn to blood and slip away. My life…" Iruka huffed in a manner that was probably supposed to be dry, hand once more gripping her cup. "What do you care about my life, Katozu-san? No offense."

Katozu studied her closely - and sighed, running one hand over his face. "Kid, I'm not sure how much you know 'bout th' bar culture in Konoha, but we all agreed that, in shinobi bars, there needs ta be a shinobi barkeep - an' he has t' actually _want_ t' be here, 'cause we know better'n anyone that, sometimes, we're all that's between you an' a cliff." He shot her a wry grin. "I'm a therapist, kid, believe it 'r not."

Iruka tried to smile back, really she did, but she knew it fell a far cry short of anything not resembling 'broken'.

He frowned. "I get a feelin' that you ain't exaggeratin' none." Another long moment where he watched her, then, softly, "What've you lost? You think you can talk about it?"

Something mangled caught in her throat, and she swallowed it down. "... My family," she breathed, eyes stinging. "My culture. My freedom. I'm afraid… I'm afraid that I'll lose my new family too, that they'll turn to blood and slip away. Everything I've built… I never know when it will be taken from me again. And again, and again -"

Iruka's breath hitched and stuttered and turned into a hiccuping sob that she only just managed to strangle and keep to a murdered moan.

For minutes she stayed in that position, head bowed over hands clasped around a cup, valiantly fighting off tears.

"For what it's worth, kid," she heard the barkeep say, "th' fact yer still fightin' means a heckuva lot more'n th' fact that yer breakin' - an' we all break sometimes, so it's not really anythin' t' be ashamed of. Not here, leastwise. I'm just a little broken inside, too."

Coming from Katozu, for some reason, that meant a whole lot more than if one of her friends had said it instead. Iruka nodded, load a little lightened, and smiled tiredly. "I think I'll turn in for the night," she murmured as she stood; she fished in her pockets for ryo, but he held up a hand.

"Save it. T'night's on me - kami knows I get enough business anyway. Just make sure I see ya again, ya hear?"

Iruka nodded, smile just a tidbit stronger, and walked out into the pleasant May night. She wouldn't be able to sleep again, but… she knew she would survive.

* * *

_Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has favorited, followed, and reviewed. Actually, I'm really impressed with you guys. My other more-recent fic, Family: Noun, has eight chapters and 31 followers; Facade at four chapters had 33 followers. So, thank you so much! You guys have really helped this story continue, and I hope we can beat the stats of Family: Noun - eventually XD_

_I mentioned that there are a lot of OCs introduced in this chapter, and you will probably see them later on since they are a part of my world-building exercise for this fic. If you want to know what they look like, let me know and I'll post links in my profile. Also, let me know who your favorite OC was - mine was Katozu, in case you were wondering. I've read other fics where the bartender plays a roll in the story, and I wanted to continue that tradition. As for the ex-ANBU tattoo, I'm sorta picturing it as the regular ANBU tattoo, but the shinobi gets extra designs added to it so that everyone knows they're not in service anymore. _

_I've been a little apprehensive about this chapter because of the random turn that it took in regards to Aoba. I won't give anything away, and you're free to guess, but yes, everything in here is intentional (more or less). I was seriously just gonna post the next chapter I had ready, but it would have jumoed straight to when Iruka was 21, so I needed a plot bunny. I thought to myself, 'Why, Chthonic, you still need to explain how Kotetsu eventually figures out Iruka is in ANBU.' That part is coming, promise. Next chapter. I also thought, 'You know, we need to see more of the canon characters. Plot bunny! What if Iruka becomes friends with... [me running through all of the male chunin, tokujou, and jounin - throwing out the chunin - not enough jounin - not Kakashi this early on in the fic - so tokujou - ah! Aoba's not taken] Aoba?' So, yeah, that's pretty much how that happened. Actually, you'll probably hate me at the end of this arc, but oh well. _

_As you noticed in the title, this is a two-parter chapter. I did this because I wanted to post something, but only the first half was ready. On the plus side, I'm almost done with the next chapter. I've also been writing random sections for future arcs that I have planned. Status Update on the Wave Arc: still not finished. I'm kinda trying to get through this random plot bunny and the new chapter I just planned for Age 22, and then I'll finish it. I'm also planning for the Chunin Exams Arc (I'm so excited! I honestly think you guys will love it), so yay! _

_As always, please drop a comment, like the story, and/or follow. I make it a point to reply to every review I get, so please don't be freaked out if I do. I try really hard to get my readers - you guys - involved in the story, so when I reply I'll ask for your opinion on different things. Please don't be creeped out, especially if I come across as way too pushy; I'm not trying to be, I swear. If you'd rather I don't reply to you, just let me know, 'kay? You are what make this fic go 'round :) On that note, thank you_ **Vivi Neferatari**_, _**primara**_, and _**nalu344**_ for your reviews!_

_Also, if you want, next chapter I can include some notes about Iruka's background/family since I'm sure some of you have questions :)_

_Till next chapter, mi amigos! _


	6. Age 20 - Just a Little Broken pt 2

_Welcome, welcome! This top section will be brief since the bottom A/N has become my Corner of Ramblings lol. _

_Warnings: nightmares, drowning nightmares in alcohol, and... nothing else. Oh, the fact that I'm not Japanese and insist on using random Japanese terms just for the heck of it._

"Speech"

_As always, don't forget to catch the extra A/N - full of chapter notes and such - at the end, and don't forget to like, follow, and/or review! _

_Enjoy! :)_

* * *

Umino Iruka prided herself on the fact that she could usually hide her cracks - could pretend she didn't see them in the mirror every morning, or feel them deep in her soul like some sleeping beast. She didn't often end up at The Rusty Kunai, but when she did she always came away feeling a mite better than before. Most of that, she knew, was owed to Katozu and his surprisingly effective - if original and unorthodox - psychiatric inclinations. The other part was owed to her make-shift family and the driving need to be there to see them the next day, because like so many others Iruka had stood on that ledge and prayed; _unlike_ some, though, she had found reasons to turn and walk home again, and each reason was another name inscribed on her heart.

Turning 20 must have been harder on her than she thought, though, because for all her pride in her skills she still found herself back at The Rusty Kunai two more times before now, nearly halfway through August.

"Kid," Katozu sighed, "you gotta find some way t' de-stress that isn't gonna kill yer liver." He still set a glass of warmed sake in front of her.

"I know," she muttered around the lip of the cup. "Tell that to the ghosts." Iruka threw the liquid back, reveling in the burn as it slid smoothly down her throat and straight into her stomach. Katozu refilled her glass, but this time she sipped at it, holding the liquid fire in her mouth and savoring it before she swallowed. Someone sat next to her.

"Sake, please."

She glanced to the newcomer - and raised a brow in mild surprise. "Aoba-san? You're up late."

He turned slightly towards her with a smirk. "I could say the same, Iru-_kun_. Isn't it past your bedtime?"

Iruka rolled her eyes and took another sip. "Ha, ha. Like I haven't heard _that_ before."

Aoba laughed. "What, you mean people always pick on you for your size? Can't blame 'em seeing as your old genin teammates practically tower."

Her eyes narrowed even as he smirked. "They do not _tower_. Besides, how do _you_ know who my teammates are?"

A chuckle. "I end up on courier missions with them every now and then, and they sure like to talk about their hellcat of a friend - a certain brown-haired chunin they _also _insist is the nicest person they've ever met." Aoba quirked an eyebrow. "They obviously haven't seen you reem 20 jounin at once in the Missions Room for writing their reports like infants."

It was her turn to chuckle, only it was sheepish and definitely accompanied by a light blush. "Ah, I don't think Zumo and Tetsu were there for that one, no."

He snorted and turned back to his drink; a moment later Iruka followed.

"I'm 20, by the way," she said suddenly. "That's why everyone calls me a baby."

Now the tokujou was honestly surprised. "20? Aren't Izumo-san and Kotetsu-san 22?"

"Yeah. Their third teammate quit after a year of being a team together - after their very first C-rank, even - and I had graduated early, so Sandaime put me with them." She grimaced. "They called me Ruka-cchi for three months before I beat it out of them."

"Well, they deserved it."

Something in Iruka warmed as they shared a grin. "Definitely."

She went home a little earlier that night.

* * *

Two weeks later Iruka bumped into the tokujou again, this time in the markets while she was with Naruto for their Saturday shopping.

"Ruka-sensei! Ruka-sensei! Can we get a watermelon? Please?!"

Someone laughed behind her. "Come, now, Iru-san, how can you say no to a face like that?"

She turned to glare - at Aoba, apparently - and turned back only to find Naruto's puppy eyes had intensified.

"Fine," she huffed, "but I'm not the one carrying it." Seeing as both arms were already full with two big brown bags, the chunin thought it a reasonable demand to make.

Naruto lept forward and tried to snag the largest melon from its place on the stand. Fear flashed through Iruka's mind as she imagined that stall-owner getting angry at the 'demon gaki' for touching his food, or the stall collapsing beneath the blond's exuberance, or even the giant fruit squashing Naruto _flat_ \- But Aoba was by the boy's side in seconds.

"Maa, you can't just take the biggest one, ya know," he said easily. Naruto, stunned by the sudden kindness shown by an adult _not_ Iruka or any of her friends, only stared; Aoba pretended not to notice. "You gotta check it first to make sure it's ripe."

Curiosity won over. "Check it?" Naruto asked with a wrinkled nose. "How d'you do that, mister?"

Aoba grinned. "Why, you knock on it, obviously." He demonstrated. "Hear how that echo sounds sort of flat?"

Naruto nodded uncertainly.

"Alright, now listen to this one." Aoba set the giant watermelon aside and grabbed a smaller one, then rapped his knuckles lightly against it; Naruto's face lit up.

"Ne! This one sounds differen'!"

"You bet! This melon sounds hollower, and that means it's ripe. Think you can carry it?"

Naruto's head bobbed up and down, and his skinny arms happily hugged the big fruit.

Iruka glanced between the bags in her arms, the expectant stall owner, and the fantastically ecstatic eight-year-old, and back again. "Ah…"

Aoba chuckled. "Don't worry; I'll get it this time, Iru-san." The tokujou pulled some ryo from his pocket and paid for the watermelon, then joined Iruka as the little party began their trek for home.

"Thank you," she said honestly. "How can I -" Iruka's eyes narrowed as her Naruto-sense tingled, and she immediately locked on the hellion's position several yards ahead. "_U_-zu-_maki_ Naruto! Kami help me, if you don't put that melon down _right now_ -"

Naruto jerked as if stung and lept away from his previous target: a once-dozing Nara under a particularly shady tree.

"Gomenasai," Iruka apologized to who she recognized as the Jounin Commander, head of the Nara Clan, and current smartest man in Konoha. "Sometimes I don't know what to do with the little baka." She glared at Naruto who merely pouted and stuck his tongue out at her.

The watermelon slipped a little in his precarious hold, but then Aoba was swooping in and settling the melon into his own arms (one since it was much smaller to him than to Naruto). "Maa, why don't I take that for ya, ne kid?"

"'M not a _kid_," Naruto protested as the three adults watched on in concealed amusement. "I'm gonna be Hokage someday, dattebayo! An' then you'll _all_ haveta give me melons 'cause I'll _order_ it! So _there_!"

To, her right Nara Shikaku rolled his eyes fondly and mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like 'troublesome' while Aoba to her left snorted.

"How about," Iruka said before the tokujou could retort, "we get all this food home, put it away, and get started on dinner, ne Naruto? Sasuke promised to come."

"Awww, does he _have_ to, Ruka-sensei?"

"Of course," she protested, both walking side by side now, and both completely forgetting their audience. "It was his birthday a couple weeks ago, and he just now agreed to have dinner with us. You can go back and sulk in your own apartment if you won't choose to be civil, Naruto." She leveled him with a stern glare, and he acquiesced.

"Fine, fine. Ne, wha's fer dinner, Ruka-sensei?"

At this she grinned. "Well, Sasuke-kun loves tomatoes, so we're having a whole bunch of tomato dishes. Roasted tomato, tomato miso, salad with tomatoes, udon with homemade tomato sauce - I even invented a ramen recipe that has tomato in it, so you better be there so you can try it for me." Her stern look was playful, and Naruto cheered.

"Yeah! Ramen! Yer ramen is almost as good as ol' man Teuchi's dattebayo!"

Iruka's cheeks were dusted a pleased pink, and she gently nudged his shoulder with her elbow. "Ah, arigato, Ruto-kun - but I think Teuchi-ji's is better, too."

Aoba cleared his throat softly. "You know, I don't think I've ever had Teuchi-san's ramen."

Both teacher and student turned to stare at him with wide eyes. "Wait," Naruto clarified, "you mean _never_?"

The tokujou shook his head sadly and sighed. "No; I'm not even sure where I would buy his ramen."

Now they looked offended. "Are you telling me, Aoba-san," Iruka re-clarified, "that you have never heard of Ichiraku Ramen? The best and finest ramen establishment in any nation? Ichiraku Teuchi's pride and joy, and one of the longest lasting food stalls in Konohagakure? You've never even _heard_ of it?"

He shrugged, casually shifting the watermelon to the other arm. "I've _heard_ of it, but only because Raidou liked to complain about how often Yondaime-sama ate there."

Iruka watched almost in slow motion as Naruto's eyes widened, and he whispered, "Yon… _Yondaime_ used t' eat at Ichiraku?"

Aoba eyed him strangely but smiled. "Yeah. It was his favorite place to eat, and he was always dragging his Hokage Guard, his friends, and his students there every opportunity he could find."

Naruto's eyes were suspiciously bright as he gazed up at the tokujou. "Ramen," he wheezed, actually breathless with excitement, "is _so cool_." All at once he jumped up and pumped the air. "Yondaime's even _cooler_ now, dattebayo!" He danced off in the vague direction of Iruka's apartment, whooping and hollering.

Iruka rolled her eyes, hefted the bags up a notch, and turned back to Aoba. "Arigato, Aoba-san." Cheeks pink, she added shyly, "You know, to repay you for your help, I might have to treat you to Ichiraku some time."

He grinned and stepped up beside her, playfully shoulder-checking her as they continued walking. "That," he declared brightly, "sounds like a _great_ idea."

* * *

Sasuke's birthday dinner went… better than Iruka had hoped with a certain blond rapscallion involved. The tomato ramen had been a big hit, even with a reluctant last Uchiha, and Iruka vowed to make it again for them.

She had lunch with Aoba three days later after he showed up at her classroom Tuesday morning; Iruka recruited him as a surprise guest speaker, and then she took him out to lunch. It was… Well, she was still trying to figure out what it was _exactly_, but it had been… nice.

"So," Kotetsu began, swirling his tea in his cup, "Aoba-san, ne?"

Iruka couldn't keep the slight flush from her cheeks - but she could certainly keep it from her voice. "I don't know what you mean," she replied airily,

He sighed. "You? Him? Lunch? _Details_, Ruka-chan, _details_."

She shrugged and sipped at her own tea imperiously. "We at lunch. At Ichiraku, if you must know, and he declared that it was the best ramen he had ever had the pleasure of tasting." Her flush darkened. "And then he added that the company hadn't been so bad, either."

Izumo and Kotetsu 'awwed' at the same time and leaned towards her. "Sounds like somebody's got a _crush_," Izumo sing-songed.

"What?! That's - That's _ridiculous_! He's very obviously into _males_!"

Kotetsu shrugged. "So? He thinks _you're_ a dude; take advantage, Ruka-chan, and _live_ a little."

She sighed and leaned back into the couch cushions. "... He asked me out to dinner when he gets back from his latest mission." Okay, her cheeks were _definitely_ cherry-red.

Both of her teammates gaped at her, then showed up practically in her face. "_And_? Iruka, what did you _say_?!"

Iruka shrunk away and shouted, "I said _yes_, alright?! I - I - I think he's nice!" she admitted, "and - and cute! And…" She softened in memory. "And he's really good with Naruto."

Izumo and Kotetsu exchanged looks; they turned back to her with gentle smiles, and Kotetsu laid a hand on her shoulder. "I hope he's good to you," he murmured - then added brightly, "And if he's not, then we'll just have to show him why you don't mess with our Ruka-chan. We can even get Genma, Raidou, and Naru-kun in on it!"

Iruka groaned and hid her blushing face in her hands - but she was secretly grinning.

* * *

Dinner with Aoba went well. He was polite, and courteous, and fun. They went to a nice barbeque place (that also served decent alcohol), and they talked for a couple hours before Iruka was forced to call it a night since she had classes the next day. He asked her to dinner again in a week - on a Friday this time - and she agreed.

A week later, on Friday night, Aoba took her to a civilian tea house. Some talented individual played mood music on a koto, and this time Iruka and Aoba talked long enough that they were asked politely to leave once closing time came upon them. They parted ways at the opening to her neighborhood.

The next date came two weeks later since the tokujou was sent on a mission. He came back with a sprained ankle and mild chakra exhaustion, and Iruka visited him in the hospital every one of the two days he was kept there. After that she showed up at his apartment after classes to make sure he was doing okay, often bringing some homemade food for him. Once he had healed up, they went to a nicer restaurant for dinner on a Tuesday night. Iruka dressed in her nicest khakis, dress shoes (brown men's loafers), and her dark red dress-shirt. Aoba was dressed similarly, only his shirt was royal blue and his shoes black. They talked for hours, and Iruka could honestly say she hadn't been this kind of happy in… well, _ever_. When they finally left, the duo kept talking, strolling beneath a starry sky while lanterns enfolded them in a warm glow. Aoba walked her all the way to her apartment door and left her with a kiss on her nose and a wink. Red as a ripe tomato, Iruka went to bed. And when she was forced to wake up for work two hours later, she couldn't even dredge up any irritation; she was still too happy.

* * *

_I would like to apologize for - well, I have a small list: _

_1.) For the chapter being so short. This was not my original intention. _

_2.) For not finishing the arc in two chapters like I said I would. _

_3.) For my probably horrible butchering of the Japanese language. _

_So, I kinda forgot to mention that I plan on posting an update roughly every two weeks. That's my plan, and I have just enough buffer chapters to make this work. I'm not keeping a calendar, though, so I'll probably be off by a couple of days every time. I think I might have another few days? Or I might be late? I'm not sure. Either way, I needed to post this. Mostly because - well, it's like this: I have the very last couple chapters of this arc already written, but I'm having a hard time connecting the end of this chapter to the last chapters. It's really beginning to bug me, and I don't have enough time right now to focus on it. I have finals next week (my first semester of college is almost over! Woohoo!), plus Christmas and my birthday (holy heck, my birthday is next week, y'all), so I'm a little swamped to write more right now. So, that's why this arc is now longer than I thought it would be. _

_Originally I was going to address this issue earlier, but I kinda forgot. You will notice that, as most other authors of anime or manga fanfiction, I use a combination of English and Japanese, I do not speak Japanese. However, I do extensive research in order to get suffixes, prefixes, and honorifics right, at least. For the other Japanese words, I actually use, like, three translator apps to cross-reference and find the most accurate option. However, if you are actually a fluent speaker of the language and you notice I am doing something wrong, please let me know. _

_Tomorrow (today?) - Dec. 4th is the 1-year anniversary of one of my favorite Lego Ninjago fics, _All I'm Asking For_ by _**lloydskywalkers**_. It's pretty epic, and based off the movie, which I totally approve of. I'm actually on pretty good terms with the author (they've helped me with my own Ninjago fic, and we've talked about _All I'm Asking For_), but they don't know I'm shamelessly promoting them, so shh! Go check out their work because it's **awesome**._

_As always, thank you so much to everyone who has favorited or followed! Your support has actually helped pull me through a couple rough days I've had the past few weeks, so thank you thank you thank you. We are now at a whopping 42 followers and 22 favorites, which I think is actually pretty good. You guys rock! _

_Please, if you have any questions, comments, or concerns, please let me know either in a pm or in the comments. I understand that, as a fandom, Naruto lovers actually aren't that vocal as reviewers, but please try to help me out by leaving one or even two to let me know how awfully I'm doing. And don't forget to favorite and follow, too ;)_

_Thank you all so much! See ya in two weeks! _


	7. Age 20 - Just a Little Broken pt 3

_Here is the final installment of the Just a Little Broken arc (finally). Before anything else, please be aware that I do not write fluff - especially romantic fluff - as well as I write angst._

_Warnings: depression, nightmares, mentions of past abuse, bad self-image, drinking to cope, thoughts of suicide, heated make-out scene at the end (that I tried to keep as clean as possible without losing the intensity)_

"Speech" - _Thoughts_

_Don't forget to join my Corner of Ramblings at the end. Also, please, please, **please** leave a review. I know from experience that a lot of you will think that someone else will so you don't have to, but it's **not true**. This is chapter 7 of a much longer fic, and there are only three reviews so far. I really, **really** need some feedback from you guys, because otherwise my writing will actually get worse. It's true. This isn't my first fic, you know. _

_Enjoy!_

* * *

Happiness couldn't last forever.

Iruka thought that, after all these years, she would have remembered this.

She wasn't sure what it was, but her nightmares had returned with a vengeance. Based on the frequency the Kyuubi featured in her dreams, it may have had something to do with the approaching anniversary of the Kyuubi Attack.

_Naruto's birthday._

She dug the heels of her palms into her aching eyes and let a garbled sound escape her throat. What was she going to do? Every year Iruka faced this problem: how she could bring joy to a child that had been previously taught to hate the day he was born yet mourn for all that had been lost. Iruka had lost much that day, so much, but she had an obligation to Naruto to keep him safe and happy.

In previous years, the chunin had gathered Izumo, Kotetsu, and Naruto to spend the night of October 9th in her parents' old house. All of the 10th would be spent inside playing games, making food, and generally distracting each other so that the ghosts could be ignored.

But… Those phantoms were haunting her with a vengeance. Iruka hadn't mourned properly since the Uchiha massacre; she had been too distracted with staying strong for the students to really experience her own emotions for herself, and it had taken its toll on her. Katozu had suggested that maybe that repression was why she was having such awful nightmares again.

She could believe it - but it wasn't like she could just leave Naruto _alone_ for a day, especially on _that_ day of all days. Even if she knew that her friends would be able to take care of him, the reason they'd watched him together before was so that none of them would be alone.

Iruka sighed and looked back at the party going on behind her. The date was September 1st, and the party was the combined bash of Aoba and Raidou. The two were friends and always celebrated together if they could. This year Iruka had been invited by both (instead of just Raidou as in previous years). Honestly, she had been so distracted as of late that she had forgotten the party was tonight; she hadn't remembered the party until Kotetsu nearly ran into her on her way home the night of the party. So, there she was, drooping onto the bar, wishing she were anywhere else.

"I'm sure yer friends wouldn' mind if you left, kid," Katozu said, voice gentle despite having to raise it to be heard above the din.

The chunin glanced over her shoulder again, and the feeling of lonely isolation she'd been fighting since she arrived stole over Iruka like frost. She turned back to stare sightlessly into her cup. _No_, she thought, _I don't think they'd even notice._

Something of her thoughts must have shown on her face because, immediately, the bartender's posture became concerned. "Kid? Kid, I need you t' answer me."

With a gargantuan effort, she drew her eyes up to meet his; distantly, Iruka wondered if she looked as lost and dead as she felt.

Katozu had left the glass he'd been polishing to the side, forgotten. "Tell me," he ordered anxiously. "Tell me what's wrong. I've never seen you look so dead inside, kid, an' I _really_ don' wanna have t' keep you here jus' t' make sure yer not gonna jump off the Monument."

Her eyes drifted to the abandoned glass. _A fitting end; maybe I'd even jump off Sandaime's head - finally dead at the feet of the man who started killing me in the first place._

"No." Two large, calloused hands gripped either side of her face and forced her to meet very concerned grey eyes. "I can _see_ what yer thinkin'. Jus' - Jus' don't alright?"

"I…" A helpless sound left her lips. "What am I even _worth_? As a shinobi, as a friend - as a _person_? I'm 20 years old, and I've already sold my soul, and I've watched kind people do terrible things, and I've _done_ terrible things, and I've been powerless to _stop_ terrible things - by order or by circumstance. How do I - How do I even _cope_? How do I come to - to _terms_ with everything my precious people have suffered because of _me_? What - What about the _dozens_ of people I've k-killed? Or the children I've left orphans or the orphans I've taught to make _more_? How do I - do I -"

She realized she was crying; tears streamed from her eyes and caught on the hands of the only other person she felt was _real_. She had been invited to this party, yes, but she knew that no one besides Katozu was even really aware that she was there. She felt alone and abandoned, and made of broken glass that had been glued back together incorrectly and was ready to shatter all over again. She felt… _fragile_.

"How do I live," she whispered brokenly, "knowing that the rest of my life will be _exactly_ this, over and over, never-ending, not until I've outlived my usefulness to a village that is killing me?"

Something in his gaze shifted as if he was truly beginning to understand her for the first time. Grey eyes took in her features - and not just took them in, but _saw_ \- _saw_ their foreign lilt, her darker skin, her scar, and everything else that had marked her like a curse in the village to which she had sworn fealty. Something in his gaze shifted, and he saw, and he began cursing under his breath, hands pulling away to rub at his face.

She missed his warmth.

"Kid," he started, then sighed. "Iruka-chan."

She started because he had never indicated that he knew her gender (but he had just unraveled her greatest secret in a mere scattering of moments, so she wasn't as shocked as she might otherwise have been).

He held her gaze once more. "If you can promise me that I'll see you t' morrow, I'll let you go home. Right now, no questions asked, an' I won't even tell yer buddies _when_ you left. Can you promise that?"

Iruka stared blankly, let the sounds of the establishment wash over her - her friends having fun, shinobi drinking and laughing, low murmurs, the clinks of glasses and bottles, someone asking a friend if Katozu-san was alright, and who is that chunin he's talking to? - and finally nodded. "Yeah," she breathed, eyes dropping. "Yeah, I - I promise."

Katozu leaned back and crossed his arms. "Alright. Go on home, kid, an' try an' get some sleep. I'll see you t' morrow."

Iruka tried to smile as she stood, but she knew it came out flat and _wrong_, so the chunin just turned around and wove her way through the uncaring crowd.

The door opened beneath her hand, and she had not even been noticed.

* * *

She burned. She burned, and burned, and burned, and burned, because what else was there to do when the world was falling apart?

Iruka had not been missed. Her friends hadn't stopped by to see her throughout the day, even to ask her where she'd gone the night before. It was like she didn't exist and was simply drifting through life like a wraith, intangible and unseen. There was a hole in her chest, something cold and heavy that sucked the vitality from her and made time and interactions and thoughts come and go in a fog.

This, she knew, was depression at its finest. Knowing that couldn't change it, though, and it was with heavy feet that she trudged into The Rusty Kunai the next night and took her place at the bar.

Katozu finished with the other immediate customers before making his way to her, grey eyes hooded. One look-over and his shoulders slumped a smidge. "Worse today, ne?" When she gave no answer, he sighed. "I don' know what ta do," he admitted quietly. "I'm old, kid, older'n I look, an' I know a thing' r two about how this village works." Nothing explicitly stated, just a look, and Iruka knew that the barkeep really _did_ know. Why did that mean nothing to her anymore? "That also means I know there's nothin' I can do except make sure you don't take that swan dive, an' pray that yer promises still mean enough to you that you'll keep 'em."

Another sigh, heavy and with an edge that betrayed his own battered edges.

"Every day," he stated. "Every day, for th' next _week_, I will see you in here. I will see you, an' talk t' you, an' monitor yer alcohol intake so that you don' actually drown yourself. I will do this because I'm yer _friend_, an' I _care_. Wakarimasu ka?"

"... Hai."

The tense line in his shoulders relaxed. "Good. Now, get. Sleep. Or, try to."

She hesitated, then nodded and pushed back from the bar.

There was no sleep for her that night.

* * *

Two days later found Iruka huddled on the ground by the alley-entrance to the bar, heart quivering with the anxiety she was so valiantly trying to banish. She had just sat down at the bar when the door opened and familiar faces poured in; shaken and on edge from her latest nightmare, Iruka had thrown desperate, pleading eyes on her friend, panic clawing up her throat.

"The alley door," he'd said, gaze sympathetic. "Go."

Iruka had immediately beaten a hasty retreat. _Please don't let them have seen me, please don't let them have seen me._ Her legs had given out just as the door closed behind her, and she had fallen shakily against the wall. Everything in her felt… frayed. Frazzled. There was nothing she could do to calm her nerves, and nothing she could do to end the nightmares - a lose-lose situation, she supposed.

It took almost an hour, but eventually, Iruka's breathing evened out; she almost fell asleep there exhausted as she was.

"Now, what's a pretty little thing like you doing out here all alone?"

Despite herself, Iruka blushed and jerked, and she ducked her face farther into the shadows. What was he doing here? Couldn't he see that she just wanted to break into tiny pieces _alone_?

Aoba laughed good-naturedly as he let the door to the bar close behind him. "Maa, don't be like that, Iru." His warmth settled beside her, elbow just brushing her arm.

Of course, his warmth seemed to illuminate the icy chasm in her heart (she had _just_ managed to ignore it), rimmed with jagged edges and the shards of dreams; this was why she was out here in the first place, anyway. Her breath hitched once, but it was enough; Aoba nudged her.

"Hey," he asked softly, "you okay?"

That was actual _worry_ in his voice, wasn't it, and oh, how that made the emptiness ache. Not trusting herself to speak, Iruka nodded while surreptitiously trying to wipe at her eyes - but a calloused hand caught hers, and long, nimble fingers gently turned her face up and around to his.

She could not see his eyes, but she could feel them, searching and careful, dusting over her features, taking in the shape of her, the _look_ of her - just _Iruka_.

"You're crying," he murmured; she felt his eyes linger over the sweep of her lashes and briefly on her scar.

"Am I?" she breathed, but she could feel the tackiness on her own cheeks, and it shamed her.

Slowly, so slowly, the space between them closed, and then his lips were brushing hers, and that was her whole world.

It was nothing short of chaste, but for Iruka, who had never before been kissed in such a way, it was intense. Hot breath fanned across her skin, and warmth feathered from the hole in her heart. That warmth - tentative, unspooling, foreign - That warmth layered itself over her jagged edges and padded them and brought her soul some measure of comfort. It banished the anxiety (or made it burn in a good way, she wasn't sure), and dimmed the nightmares and smothered the dark mantle that had been suffocating her.

"I missed you at the party," he murmured, lips brushing hers as he spoke.

"R-Really?" Iruka hated the doubt in her voice, but it wasn't like her insecurities would just _vanish_.

"Really." He pulled back a little farther to see her better.

The space of a breath with the depth of an ocean lay between them; Iruka could feel Aoba's smile as he breathed, "You're kinda pretty when you blush, Iru-chan."

Her cheeks burned. "R-Really?" She peered almost hopefully up at him (she knew she wasn't pretty), and internally cursed herself for the thin tremble in her voice.

He huffed a laugh, and one thumb smudged the tear tracks on her face. "Yeah. Yeah, you are."

The warmth bloomed in her chest and nearly overwhelmed her.

Both hands now cupped her face, and he frowned once more in concern. "Why are you crying?"

"I…" Belatedly Iruka realized her fingers had come up to tangle in his sleeves as if to keep him there, keep this overpowering and unutterable _emotion_, with her. She swallowed, suddenly aware of their closeness. "I think… I feel… better." Her darkness was being chased away by his candle flame of affection and kindness.

His brows furrowed; this close, the chunin could appreciate the way his nose sort of scrunched with the expression. "Better?"

She couldn't help the smile that barely twisted her lips. "Better. More… together." Like some of her pieces had been glued back together _correctly_, and she could breathe again.

Something in his face shifted, became lighter, and he smiled brightly (not as bright as Naruto; this, for all its light, was soft like the shadows cast by a hazy dawn, peaceful and without his usual smirk).

Iruka felt unexpectedly felt breathless - but in a good way, like the burn of muscles satisfyingly exercised.

The moment her breath caught, Aoba ducked down and stole another kiss and laughed again with joy.

And Iruka smiled.

* * *

It was slow. It was slow, but it was progress, and it was perfect. It was dinners at Ichiraku, surprise visits to the classroom, and sunsets from the Hokage Monument. It was late nights talking, walks lit by lamplight, and stolen kisses when no one else was looking. It was less late-night visits to the bar, fewer nightmares, and the gradual loosening of the darkness' hold on her heart.

It was peace.

It was _healing_.

"So," Ibiki began. "Aoba, ne?"

Iruka grinned around the rim of her glass as she sipped at her sake. "Right down to business, I see," she retorted teasingly.

The tokujou - seriously, it was like she was _collecting_ them or something - actually _smiled_ at her, and if it had been anyone else on the receiving end, they might have run in terror. But Ibiki was her friend, as much as she hated what he was forced to do, and he knew more about her than anyone left alive. "I graduated with the aho," he reminded her, "and I'm always gathering intel."

She snorted and took another unconcerned sip. "You mean you're always looking for juicy village _gossip_ because, in a village of nosy, scandalmonger ninjas, you're the absolute _biggest_ busybody of them all. You're an old fisher-wife, you know that?"

His grin was sharp and unrepentant, and Iruka rolled her eyes.

"Fine. Yes, Aoba." Something in her softened. "He's… He's really good. Noble, sort of, in a way. Like a samurai."

It was Ibiki's turn to snort. "Samurai, huh? I'll make sure to tell him you think that." He studied her while she bravely pretended not to notice. Down the bar from them, cleaning another glass, Katozu huffed in soft amusement. "How are _you_ doing?"

Iruka honestly considered it (and pretended that the barkeep wasn't rather blatantly eavesdropping). "I'm… okay," she decided. "Better, maybe. Less nightmares - and I'm not actively trying to kill my liver." A wry twist of her lips. "I feel like… like maybe I'm not being smashed to pieces." She looked over to her friend, brown eyes wide and warmer than they'd been in weeks. "I think he might actually be good for me."

He considered her. "Believe it or not, relationships outside of work are actually encouraged in this village," he said slowly. "In T&I, we make it a point to keep tabs on every shinobi's friends, acquaintances, and partners - past, present, or potential; it helps us more accurately determine the stability of the shinobi in question."

"... Stability?" She asked the question already beginning to feel uneasy about what that might have meant for her.

Ibiki solemnly held her gaze. "The more connections to other people a shinobi has, the less likely they are to go insane or become traitors. Friendships are good indicators."

Iruka swallowed and looked away first. Her throat felt dry. She wanted to _ask_, but… she _didn't_ want to, either.

Her friend saw right through her. "There are some assigned to check on you every couple of days."

She nodded, no stranger to this knowledge.

"Lately, they've been reporting worrying things - things about nightmares, anxiety, and an increased level of depression."

While there was no point in denying, she didn't have to confirm it either; Ibiki already knew.

"The warning flag for me was when you didn't go to your friends for help - and you have enough friends to be considered 'stable' any other day of the year. I…" He hesitated. "I was… _worried_, Iruka - especially since I am required to provide the Council with fortnightly updates on you specifically."

Instantly Iruka's entire body was taught as a live wire.

"I fudged the last couple reports," he admitted quietly, so quiet that it was hardly even a whisper, and her face snapped to him. "You're my friend, and I know better than anyone else just how tough you have it - but I also know that you're human, and humans all stumble every now and then. That's why they have friends to pick them back up."

Black eyes glanced at her sideways, eyes filled with an open warmth not often seen from the master interrogator.

Oh.

_Oh_.

Ibiki really meant it, didn't he? That he was her friend. He had just _lied_ for her to _protect_ her because he _cared_. How… How _strange_.

Iruka blinked, the tension draining from her.

"I needed to make it seem as if you were doing better than you were," he continued, voice still soft though he looked away, "so that the Council would have no reason to send you to me. If you hadn't begun showing signs of improvement, though…" Ibiki's voice became dark, and he glared at his own glass of sake. "Well. I wouldn't have had much choice."

She sighed and nodded in resigned understanding; she knew her place in the village. If Ibiki hadn't eventually brought her in, then he would have been in jeopardy of being labeled a traitor to the village. Then Iruka wouldn't have had anyone deep enough on the inside to help her when she really needed it. In the end, Iruka was _grateful_ that he would have followed orders.

The mood lightened. "Then you started dating Aoba, and even though I know it's still rough for you, you're suddenly drinking 60 percent less than you were a month ago, you're spending more time with your friends and colleagues, you're less emotionally compromised, and - you're _happy_."

Iruka looked up at him in surprise only to find a small smile waiting for her.

"I've been working with you for years, Iruka, and I've never seen quite this kind of happy on you. For your sake, I hope it lasts." His smile grew and brought a flush to her cheeks, and then Ibiki was downing the last of his drink and standing. "Ja ne," he nodded and solemnly stalked out of the bar.

Katozu chuckled as he slid over. "That boy's too serious fer 'is own good sometimes," he grinned and took the glass. "You done fer th' night, kid?"

The chunin contemplated the last of her drink (about a finger's worth still) and pushed it away with a small but sincere smile. "Yeah. I'm done."

Katozu smiled back and took the glass, nodding goodbye to her "Oyasuminasai, Katozu-san."

She thought she might be fine.

* * *

Iruka laid on her back on the top of Nidaime's head, head pillowed on Aoba's stomach as they both stared up at the late-afternoon sky.

A breeze whisked up dirt and fallen leaves around them and played with the ends of her hair, tugging it lightly and flipping the loose strands into her face.

"Pthuh." She spat out the hair in her mouth; Aoba's chuckle vibrated from beneath her, and Iruka grinned. "It's nice out," she said conversationally; the tokujou's hand fiddled with the ends of the hair that she had let down for once.

"Why do you never let your hair down?"

She snorted. "No one takes me seriously if my hair is always in my face. Besides, it's more practical to keep it up."

"Well, I think you look great either way."

Her smile grew into a grin, and Iruka turned onto her side so that she could see his face better. Aoba's hand went from playing with her hair to tracing mindless patterns on her face and neck.

Both had ditched their vests and sandals and were lying comfortably in a small nest of blankets stolen from both their apartments. It was a Saturday, and both shinobi were off-duty, so they had no obligations to be anywhere else - a rarity for them both.

"You're not so bad-lookin' either," she replied teasingly, and he huffed a laugh; her stomach warmed pleasantly at the sound.

"It _is_ nice," he agreed. His finger brushed over the bridge of the chunin's nose, almost perfectly tracing her scar. "Especially since it's already the beginning of October."

Iruka hummed her agreement, but the warmth had been replaced with something troubled. Aoba must have sensed the change because he lifted his head to look down at her.

"Iru? You okay?"

The chunin sighed and turned her face into his toned stomach. She inhaled deeply through her nose to maybe banish the twisty feeling. He smelled good, she noted absently, and not like the other men she was so often around; Aoba's scent was unobtrusive and comforting - soft like cinnamon and pine and velvet. It steadied her nerves and kept her grounded in reality. "It's Naru-kun's birthday," she exhaled heavily.

"Ah. The 10th. I see."

She nodded. "Yeah. I just - I don't know what to do, you know? He needs to have a party so that he can associate his birthday with something not horrible and traumatic. Still, he doesn't have any friends his age, and anyone any older has a hard time remembering anything other than the death of that day. Tetsu and Zumo will be there - like they are every year - and I invited Genma and Raidou, but… that's five bad memories to one good one. It doesn't… It doesn't feel _right_."

Iruka sighed and sat up, eyes trained sadly on the ground as she tucked one flying strand behind her right ear; she let her hand fall to rest against her neck.

Aoba sat up with her and sat cross-legged, upper body leaning forward to be closer to her. He cupped the left side of her face, lifting it and ducking his own to meet her gaze. "You're doing the best that you can," he said softly, and even though she couldn't see his eyes, she could feel them searching her own - offering her his strength and support. "Anyone can see that you love the kid, Iru, and you've been practically raising him these last few years. You're doing your best, and I know _he_ knows that. I also know that he's smart, so even if you and the other adults seem a little glum or distracted, he'll know why, and _he won't blame you_."

She sagged, and he brought her into an embrace, her head tucked under his chin. "I know that," she murmured, "but I still know that he deserves _better_. I want to _give him_ better."

He pulled back enough to hold her face in between his large, calloused palms and meet her eyes once more. "And that," he stated with adoration, "is why you are the best parent Naruto could ever ask for, Iru-_kun_."

Iruka blushed. Aoba laughed and pressed a chaste kiss to her lips; the warmth was rekindled to a comfortable flame.

"How about I swing by?" the tokujou offered. "I can bring food and maybe some games; I'll liven up the party so you won't have to be sad!"

The laugh bubbled up from her chest, and she leaned up to kiss him again. "That would be perfect," Iruka beamed. "I know Naru-kun would love to see you. And -" She hesitated, cheeks flaming, and her voice lowered, "so would I."

Aoba beamed and laughed brightly, swooping in for another peck before he stood and practically whooped for joy. "Alright!"

Iruka kept laughing, the previous weight on her shoulders suddenly feeling so much lighter.

* * *

October 10th came and went with no significant incident. Aoba did stop by in the evening, bringing with him takeout from Ichiraku (all a mix of Iruka's and Naruto's favorites), and one or two card games Iruka hadn't seen before. He wasn't able to stay more than a couple hours, but when he left, Naruto exclaimed that it had been his favorite birthday ever.

A month went by. Iruka and Aoba were seeing each other with increasing frequency, something desperate and wanting pushing her ever onward. Even as she internally recognized her growing attraction for her - boyfriend? Is that what he was? - partner, though, there was something inside her that echoed with foreboding. It was something she ignored, however, because she wanted this to _work_. Iruka wanted to be _happy_, to be wanted even though she knew she knew she never could be.

But they never officially declared they were together. Maybe it was something inside of Iruka making her hold back, or maybe Aoba felt something similar. However, either way, they were still unofficially "official" (all their friends knew about them by this point; there was no reason to deny it).

Another month passed, and it was drawing closer to Yule. Yule in Konoha was very much a couple's affair, and Iruka, who had never been with someone to celebrate with before, was feeling rather anxious about the whole thing.

She needn't have worried. Instead, she should have listened to that warning in her gut.

Iruka and Aoba sat at the bar in The Rusty Kunai a week before the Winter Solstice. It was the second night in two weeks they had both been completely free, and they had decided to escape the snow-drifted streets of the village by going out for a drink. It was a rather common pastime for them, and Iruka thought that at least she wasn't going to drown her sorrows anymore.

"You wouldn't _believe_ what the kids were like on Friday," she groaned, laughing at the same time (because wow those kids could be a handful, but they were sometimes _hilarious_ too). Her cheeks were flushed, and her mind was pleasantly buzzed from the alcohol she had already consumed. "It's the last day of the week, and they're all pumped for Yule anyway, plus I decided to drop their weekly quiz."

Aoba gasped mockingly. "No. Iru-kun, how could you? Drop their weekly quiz? The horror!"

She snorted and lightly slugged his arm. "Shut up, you." But she was still smiling, and she rolled her eyes as he laughed. "Anyway, I guess that mighta been a little _too_ much freedom because the _entire_ class took it as a challenge to catch me in as many ranks as they could."

"Did the ittle wittle pre-genin catch their chunin instructor?" he teased, chin propped on his fist and elbow propped on the bar.

"Please," she retorted, "give me _some_ credit. I mighta been a little before your time, but before Naruto came along, I was the pranking _king_ of Konoha."

His brow furrowed. "Wait a minute - you're the little twerp who sprayed my entire class in gold glitter!"

Iruka couldn't help the smug smirk, honest! "Guilty as charged."

Aoba burst into laughter. "Of course! Of _course_, the one person I start going out with after three years is the _one_ person I've always wanted to get my hands on after a genin-hood of torture! Why wouldn't the universe work any other way?"

Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the warmth beginning to gather in her middle, but all of a sudden Iruka lunged forward and crashed her lips in Aoba's, effectively silencing his bright laughter. Her fists curled in his uniform shirt in an attempt to bring him closer. His hands ended up on her waist.

When they broke away, his expression was one of shock - that quickly morphed into desire. "Outside," he rasped. "Now." She was all too eager to agree. He fairly pulled her through the back door and into the alley, where he immediately spun around and jerked her right into another kiss.

Iruka sucked in a sharp breath the moment his lips moved from hers to her jawline. He followed the curve of her jaw to her ear and scraped his teeth lightly over her earlobe before kissing just below her ear and trailing farther down.

Aoba's mouth sucked hungrily at her neck, and pleasure left Iruka trembling and gasping, hands grabbing restlessly at her partner's arms and the front of his shirt.

"Iru," he murmured against her pulse, and her thoughts scattered in the face of the thrumming, burning _want_ that crashed through her.

Arms pulled her closer, pressed her up against the lean, toned body so that she could feel almost every inch of it. That hot, needy mouth devoured every inch of skin from her hairline to the collar of her uniform - even ducking below the rolled edge to nip and nibble. The heat pooling in Iruka's middle jumped and intensified and _scorched_. "A-Aob-ba-_ah_," she gasped; her legs shook beneath her, and she clung to Aoba's taller frame desperately. Just before her knees could buckle, however, his hands slid down from her waist, over her hips, and - in a smooth, shinobi-worthy movement - hooked under her thighs and _lifted_ her, pinning her with his body to the wall behind her. Without thought, she wrapped her legs around his waist, and her arms wound around his shoulders, right-hand curling in wild, silk-soft spikes.

"Want you," he breathed into the crook of her neck, and Iruka shivered, head thrown back; his arms tightened around her.

_Closer_, she wanted to say, to encourage him to keep the ecstasy building, building, building between them. Instead, she buried her face in his hair, felt the jerky movements of him removing his glasses. He pulled back just enough for her to see his face and stayed there, supported her body as he let her run her fingers lightly over his face. His eyes, she learned, were the deepest green of the forest, and the way the light hit them reminded her of dappled sunlight through pine boughs. "Beautiful," she promised and peppered feather-light kisses over his face.

A low rumble against her chest was her only warning as he twisted his lips to meet hers, capturing them and greedily kissing back. "_Beautiful_," he purred back, and pleasure licked up her spine. Aoba plundered her mouth, fierce and daring and _hungry_ in a way that only made her want it more.

She gasped his name again, the desire between them growing until she could almost taste it - and everything imploded.

_-what is this what is he doing - fearfearfear - please don't hurt them - stop - cowering in fear oh kami __**what is he doing**_ _-_

Iruka tensed involuntarily, hands clenching on his shoulders to brace herself, lungs empty of air.

Aoba, not quite aware of her situation, mumbled her name as he kissed up her neck. There was no pleasure for her in it now, though.

"Aoba," she whispered, breath sucked in between her teeth. He hummed. "_Aoba_."

The tokujou pulled back just slightly, eyes narrowed in concern. "Iru?"

She was shaking from the crash of adrenaline emotion, and her eyes burned - but Iruka did not like to cry, so she blinked quickly until the sensation went away. Her head was still swimming.

"Iru-kan?"

Iruka felt numb, set adrift on the ocean with the starless sky reflected infinitely above and below her, the rug tugged abruptly and violently from beneath her feet. "A-Aoba, I - I _can't_." Memories rushed through Iruka's mind, scars she knew she would never be rid of; she closed her eyes and turned her head guiltily away.

"Iru?" he asked, and he sounded so _bewildered_, _hurt_ even, and it turned the sick-guilt to acid-shame in her gut.

_\- 'Giruko-sensei, what are you doing?!' - 'Kotetsu!' - screaming, screaming, horror, pain, __**why**__-_

"Iruka?" Aoba set her down, loosened his hold, let go - took a step away, and her breath hitched.

_-why do they send me on these missions, it always ends like this - what did I do to deserve this - please, I don't __**want**_ _it - no, no, no no no nonononono -_

"I'm a girl," she said instead, whispered it so quietly that for a moment, she prayed that the space between them swallowed it whole.

Something like a sigh of relief and a huff of amusement escaped his lips. "I know," he replied.

Exasperation flashed amidst the rest of her roiling emotions, but the sentiment was drowned out only a second later.

His warmth shuffled closer, and Aoba tried to tilt her chin up so that he might meet her gaze - but Iruka reluctantly pulled away from his heat and took a step back of her own, still avoiding his eyes. "I've known for weeks." This time there was something darker to his tone, and she flinched.

She knew she should continue trying to explain, but her curiosity got the better of her. "And you stayed?" With a start, she registered the absolute certainty she had carried around like baggage for years - the conviction that no one could want her, especially as she truly was: a girl, and so broken.

"Of course," and bless the man, but he sounded mildly offended that she would think anything less of him. "I'm attracted to _you_, Iruka, to who you _are_ \- your personality, your smile, your temper, your blush. I never liked you simply because I thought you were a _boy_."

The shame coiled tighter, and she swallowed past the lump in her throat. "I'm sorry," she whispered, more to hide how close she was to tears than to conceal her inflections. "I'm not - I _tried_. But -"

But hidden clearings and lengthy missions and nightmares that never _stopped_ rushed her and left her feeling disoriented. "My missions," she heard herself say, but it was like she wasn't really there at all, "they're n-not often, but they're long, and I - and I -"

She heard him suck in a breath to argue - probably something like 'We're shinobi, it's what we signed up for' or 'Mine are more frequent, but short, so we'll even out in the end' - but she couldn't _bear_ to listen to him be so overwhelmingly selfless, always her samurai in sunglasses and armor.

Tears slipped down her face. "_I don't know what's worse_," she whispered, "saying _stop_ knowing they _won't_, or _wanting_ to stop and knowing I _can't_." And even as cryptic as that was, the sharp inhale that signaled Aoba _understood_ is what finally undid her, and Iruka let herself sink to the ground, silent sobs shaking her body.

Aoba hesitated, but then he crouched beside her, one arm draped over her back for comfort. A minute slipped past, two, just long enough for the chunin to reduce her sobs to occasional sniffles, before he intoned softly, "I thought you said you felt better."

Ah, that's right, the time of their first kiss. Iruka _had_ said that hadn't she - but that didn't mean she couldn't clarify. "Not _completely_, though - and _better _isn't the same as _healed_." She grimaced, risked a glance at his face (he stared at the wall across from them, eyes hidden once more behind dark lenses). "I'm still very broken, Aoba," she admitted looking away, "and my missions will never stop."

If Aoba had been a civilian, Iruka knew, he would have demanded she quit her job. However, Yamashiro Aoba was like her - nothing if not a shinobi, and he understood better than most the loyalty and duty that bound Konoha shinobi to their beloved village. He stared thoughtfully for a long, tense moment - and nodded, tension breaking like a snap, the backlash enough that it would have sent Iruka tumbling if his arm had not held her in place. "I'm sorry," he said quietly and glanced at her sideways. "I'm sorry that I wasn't enough."

And even though the words could have been meant so cruelly, Iruka knew with a bone-deep assurety that he meant them only as they were; he was sorry he could not be the one to save her.

He offered a crooked smile, sincere and soft, and said a little wistfully, "I hope you find someone who can make you whole again." Aoba leaned forward, pressed a pure, tender kiss to her forehead, and stood (she missed his warmth). "Let me walk you home."

_My samurai_, she thought with bitter-sweet fondness, but nodded and took his hand anyway, let him pull her onto unsteady feet.

The walk was quiet, awkward, but the air was clear between them, and that, Iruka knew, was about as much as she had any right to ask.

In front of her apartment door, he paused, and his expression was one she recognized as quiet determination. "Iru-chan," he stated firmly, "I'd still like to be your friend. Kami knows you're the kindest person I've ever met, and everyone needs a friend like you - but I also want to help you," he continued somberly, always the honest one between them. "I know you may not really want my help, but I _want_ to help you, so maybe that can be enough."

Her eyes burned again, but she nodded. "I - I'd like to be your friend," she replied softly, head ducked to hide her ugly tears.

A breath, then warm arms were enveloping her, creating a barrier between the outside world and her, protecting her from even herself. The sharpness in her lungs eased, and Iruka was able to offer a real - if dismal - smile as the tokujou walked away. She closed the door - and slid down to the floor with her back against it.

"_Oh, kami._" How was she going to survive?

* * *

_...Yeah. Ok. About that last part: totally not what I usually write. I'm not terribly comfortable with writing that, but I go where the inspiration takes me, and the characters aren't me, so they can totally do things that I might not enjoy writing. _

_Also, again, I apologize for the awful romance/fluff._

_I also apologize for doing all that to Iruka. Poor girl. But I mean - I needed this to happen. **She** needed this to happen. It didn't make sense for there to be no one else before Kakashi, and any kind of relationship is great for character development. Which, you know, is why I write at all. _

_This chapter is very long. What I have of the Wave arc - a solid half still - is still 1000 words more than this. I guess what I'm trying to say is that this is kind of normal for me. Altogether, I think this arc ended up being over 13,000 words? Something like that. That's cool. I like longer stories, so that works fine for me. _

_Oh! I really can't forget this part. I paraphrased a line from one of my favorite Iruka!centric fics over on AO3. It's titles **Spider's Web** by **MissMar-vell (spyder_grrrl)** (yes, that entire thing is her name). It is rated mature, and it does have F/M, Multi, and Other pairings, so there is that. It's also not completed yet, but that's okay, because it's written so amazingly well. Check it out if you feel like it. _

_Don't forget to follow (we're up to 51!) and favorite (and review). _

_You guys are the best! _

_Happy holidays! _


	8. Special: Age 17 - First Yule

_So, in celebration of the seasonal holidays (even if it's a little late), here's a chapter that takes place directly after the first one when Iruka is still 17. I really wanted to introduce Mizuki, as well as right how Naruto first met Izumo and Kotetsu, and this sorta just came out._

_Warnings: Um, none._

"Speech" - _Thought_

_The chapter that takes chronological place after chapter 7 will still come out on Thursday, so don't worry. This is just a special :)_

**_hadesbitch_**_ \- you have private messaging turned off for your account, so me reply for you is in my Corner of Ramblings :)_

_Enjoy!_

* * *

She was accosted as she made her way down the street.

"Ruka-cchi!" A bigger body slammed into her back and would have dragged her to the ground if another body hadn't been in front of her to catch her.

With a grunt she elbowed her friend in his stomach, and with an 'ooph', Kotetsu slid off her back.

Izumo chuckled as he helped her straighten. "Good to see you, Ruka.

Iruka glared up at both of them. "I _told_ you _not_ to call me that."

Kotetsu sidled up to her with a smirk. "What, _Ruka-cchi_?"

Her glare intensified. "You," she accused, "are _menaces_."

Both men grinned unrepentantly, and she sighed. "What do you want? I was just on my way to meet Mizuki to go over our lessons for next week."

Kotetsu grimaced. "That's right; I forgot our little Ruka-cchi was an Academy teacher, now."

"Teacher's _Assistant_," she corrected, "for Mizuki. I won't get my license until I finish the required courses." They began walking back down the street.

"And that will be when?" Izumo asked, and she shrugged.

"Ah, two years? I may be a chunin now, but teachers are required to have mastered all the basics."

"So Mizuki-baka can still beat you in a fight, then?" Kotetsu may have been teasing, but Iruka knew that neither of her former genin teammates liked her oldest friend. She couldn't see why; Mizuki had always been kind to her and stood up for her since they met in the orphanage after the Kyuubi attack. The silver-blue-haired chunin might have been four years older than her, but he had been a constant support since Iruka had been 10 and all alone in the world.

She rolled her eyes. "If he didn't, then there would be issues. We all know I'm probably the least skilled chunin in Konohagakure." Iruka missed the look her friends shared. "There was the one time I caught him by surprise - because he didn't realize I could actually use a ninjato, but to be fair, that's something new I've picked up."

"According to Hayate-senpai," Izumo hedged, "you've picked up on kenjutsu pretty impressively."

Iruka felt her cheeks warm. "He's probably just being nice. I'm an awful klutz, and my otousan had some skill in kenjutsu, so any talent I have is just Tousan shining through."

If she had been looking behind her, the female chunin would have seen her friends - practically her brothers - silently facepalm.

"Anyway," she continued obliviously, "that's where I'm headed. You're welcome to join us if you want."

Both cringed. "Maa, I think we're good," Kotetsu responded.

She bit back a smirk as they peeled away - each with a teasing ruffle of her hair - and left to bother someone else. Two minutes later she was in front of Mizuki's apartment.

_Knock Knock Knock _

Mizuki smiled at her when he opened the door. "Iruka! I'm glad you made it."

Iruka returned the smile and stepped passed him, toeing off her sandals and leaving them neatly standing just inside the door. "How are you, Mizuki? We missed you in class today."

The older (and taller, dangit) chunin shut the door behind her and led Iruka into the kitchen where he had some tea waiting on the table. "I'm fine. It was just a routine check-up from my last mission."

"Oh, yeah - the one with the toxin, right?"

He nodded. "Ee. The medi-nin in charge of my case just wanted to make sure that there were no late-onset complications."

Iruka hummed as she sipped her tea, relaxing almost immediately into her seat. "Ah, Mizuki, your tea is so good!"

Mizuki laughed. "You're so strange, Iruka."

Once they had finished their tea, they talked about their upcoming lessons, going over plans and predicting test results so they could try and head off the worst grades. Once that was over, they settled into companionable silence.

* * *

"Zumo and Tetsu weren't happy about me coming over."

Mizuki glanced up at his friend sharply, quelling the accompanying anger. "Oh?" he responded casually. Iruka looked troubled, eyes trained on the dregs of her tea.

"... I don't understand it," the brunette supplied at last, liquid brown eyes lifting to catch his for but a moment. "I've known you for seven years; you've been with me through my lowest points, and you've never left me - so why would my teammates, who are like brothers to me, distrust you?"

The anger receded, and Mizuki heaved an internal sigh. It was just so _hard_ to stay mad at Iruka for long; the younger man was just so naiive and innocent. "Who knows," Mizuki smiled kindly. "What _does_ matter is that you form your own opinions and don't allow yourself to be swayed by the opinions of others."

Iruka beamed a squint-eyed grin, warming the room around them. "Arigatou, Mizuki! You're so wise!"

Mizuki smiled and shook his head fondly. _Iruka's just so young,_ he thought as he watched the brunette bend over to play with the cat winding around their feet. _17… and already off regular active duty._ Iruka had come to him directly following the… _incident_ with his genin sensei two years ago. Mizuki had been the one to hold Iruka as he cried, to comfort him after the nightmares, to help him pick up his pieces - and the one who eventually went to Sandaime about making Iruka his Teacher's Aide at the Academy.

He had waited until Iruka had been a chunin for a year, of course, before doing so. Mizuki had held out hope that actually participating as an active shinobi of Konoha would help his friend overcome the lingering trauma, but Iruka was just so - so _different_ that no other option could be seen. So, shortly after Iruka's 17th birthday (a birthday spent physically sick with night terrors), Mizuki requested a meeting with the Hokage.

Teaching in any official capacity at the Academy required the shinobi in question to be removed from the active-duty roster; technically they would then be added to the Reserves, but Academy teachers had their own list that told administration that the shinobi was on an ongoing assignment and could only be pulled away at the Hokage's request.

Iruka still went on missions every now and then, but it was infrequent, and Mizuki was fine with that.

He just hoped that his friend would be more careful.

* * *

When Kotetsu's birthday rolled around in July, Iruka was dragged from her apartment to one of the shinobi bars (Demon Cat, she thought it was, and had to snort at the blatant reference to the Daimyo's wife's cat, Tora). She knew within the first few minutes of arriving at the bar that it was going to be a _long_ night.

"What do you _mean_ 'He can't come in'? Iruka's a chunin for kami's sake!" Kotetsu argued angrily.

The bouncer - a tokujou Iruka had seen once or twice in the Missions Room - raised an unimpressed eyebrow. Iruka herself felt her face warm in embarrassment, and she ducked her head.

In the tokujou's defence, Iruka wasn't in her uniform; Izumo and Kotetsu weren't either because they never wore their uniforms to the bars when they celebrated birthdays. With her slightly baggy jeans, white Tshirt, creamy yellow unbuttoned-button-up with sleeves rolled crisply up to her elbows, and hair pulled back in a half-tail, Iruka was more than aware that she looked much younger than she actually was. It was a common point of contention when she had to go out in anything more relaxed than shinobi wear.

Before Kotetsu could explode on the man, Iruka stepped forward, face aflame. "I really am a chunin," she mumbled, self-consciously scratching at her scar. "I saw you in the Missions Office last Wednesday as you turned in your report, and I complimented your handwriting. And then you asked me if I wanted to grab a drink with you after my shift ended."

She felt both of her friends stiffen in surprise.

"I said no," Iruka hastily added, "but suggested that Siizu-san might like to join you. The next morning Siizu-san told me that you both had a - ah, pleasureable evening." Kami-dammit, now her neck was on fire, too. Why couldn't he have just let them in?

The tokujou stared at her in shock, eyes taking in her features for a solid 30 seconds before recognition visibly dawned, and he laughed. "You're Umino-kun! Damn, kid, you don't look any older'n 14 in civies." He laughed again, ignoring the tense way Kotetsu and Izumo were holding themselves behind her, and stepped aside. "Alright, alright; have a fun time, kids," he winked; Iruka made sure to smile gratefully before yanking her brothers after her and dragging them to a dark corner.

Once she was sitting (against the wall with Izumo next to her to help shield her and Kotetsu across from them to serve as a distraction), Iruka buried her face in her hands and groaned. "Why. _Why_ does this happen?"

Kotetsu squirmed. "You do look pretty young, Ruka," he admitted. "But we've known you for long enough that we know better."

She sat up and gestured irritably to her body. "It's not like I can help it," she grumbled. "If I want to look like a boy, I have to wear loose clothes. Loose clothes make me look younger."

"It doesn't help that you're small," the blackette added unhelpfully, and Iruka glared.

"Yes, _thank_ you, Kotetsu; I seriously needed to be reminded of that."

"Maa," Izumo interjected calmly, "why don't we relax? We're here to celebrate Tetsu-kun's birthday, right?"

Iruka sighed and forced herself to relax against the seat. "Fine." She glanced at Kotetsu. "Gomen, Tetsu. I'll try not to be a killjoy." Her smile was slightly strained.

If only such incidents weren't a recurring ordeal.

* * *

Most students enrolled in the Academy at the age of seven. Naruto had been one of the exceptions as he was an orphan, and Sandaime had allowed him to enroll when he was five.

He hadn't been in Mizuki's class at first. There had been so many kids enrolled that year, but all of them were at least six, so Naruto had been placed in an older class with a teacher named Hoseki. However, Hoseki had only seen Naruto as the Kyuubi and refused to actually teach him anything. A year later Iruka began as a Teacher Aide and often filled in for Hoseki who was in her second trimester of pregnancy. That was how Iruka officially met the jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi no Youko.

At first Iruka had wanted to hate him (she couldn't hate children). She wanted to blame him, to belittle him - but she saw how he struggled to even read his own name, how he cringed from cold stares and sharp words, how he hid tears behind wide smiles (broken, empty smiles), and how he liked to climb the trees in the training yard to look for bird nests so he could make sure the babies were being taken care of.

And Iruka couldn't hate him. He was just a boy - a boy who named each baby bird he found, who had saved more than one from falling to their deaths because he had been there to save them, who only wanted a friend and to become a shinobi so that he could earn the love he had never been given freely.

Then one day a bright, blond, little boy had given her a flower, and she had fallen in love.

Hoseki would be quitting at the end of the year in order to care for her new baby, and her students would be distributed through the other classes depending on their individual skills and abilities. Naruto, Iruka hoped, would be in Mizuki's class next year - at least so she could make sure the boy was actually being _taught_ instead of just neglected.

Iruka started tutoring children in her free time, odd jobs here and there for Academy students who were struggling in their classes. It worked so well that by the time Yule rolled around, parents began coming to her to ask for her services. Since it was extra money in her pockets, she agreed - but not till after Yule. She had previous engagements.

"So, what do you want for Yule, Naru-kun?" Iruka stretched on tippy-toes to reach two bowls in her cupboards for cereal. When no answer was forthcoming, she turned in concern. "Naruto? Are you okay?"

The blond was looking at her in confusion. "Whaddya talkin' 'bout, Ruka-sensei?"

She frowned. "I'm not sure I understand, Naru-kun."

His brows pulled down, and he bit his lip - a picture of unsure confusion. "People get thin's on Yule?"

"Of course, Naru-kun. Have you never gotten anything?"

Naruto shook his head solemnly. "Orph'nage ladies alway lock me out fer th' night. They say demon-gaki's can't celebrate Yule with good kids."

Oh, kami, that was worse than she'd thought. Something - probably her heart - shrivelled and just about died before suddenly combusting with the heat of her ire. Three deep, even breaths, and she knelt in front of Naruto. "Naruto," she said very seriously, "you are not a demon-gaki. You are a boy, and you are a _good_ one." She sighed. "Yule is a celebration where friends and family give each other gifts to show each other how much they mean to one another. There's good food, and singing, and people having fun together."

To her dismay, this only served to depress Naruto further. Right; how could she forget?

"Okay. Okay." Iruka squeezed her eyes shut and pinched the bridge of her nose. When she opened them again, she made sure to smile. "Alright, Naruto. How about you spend Yule with me?"

He nodded emphatically.

Her smile was more genuine. "Alright. What food do you like?"

Naruto brightened instantly. "Ramens!"

Why wasn't she surprised?

* * *

Iruka, Kotetsu, and Izumo were laughing and drinking weak plum wine in her parents' old home when the hesitant knock came.

"Ruka?" Kotetsu's smile was curious. "You didn't say anyone else was coming."

She swallowed, hiding her nervousness. No, she hadn't, because how did you tell your friends that the container for the beast they had all lost something to was joining them for the entire holiday? "It was sort of… last minute," she said instead. Iruka stood, then hesitated. "Please don't hate me for this," she whispered, and they froze. Something in her hardened almost protectively. "And don't you dare hurt him, either, or I'll - I'll have to stop you." With no other explanation, Iruka went and answered the door.

Naruto stood on the welcome mat dressed in a thin, patched jacket once more falling apart, threadbare gloves with holes in most of the fingers, ripped jeans, and a pensive expression that made the chunin's heart ache. "R-Ruka-sensei?" he shivered.

Thrown out of her dismal evaluation, Iruka smiled and ushered him in. "Come in, Naru-kun. Here, let me take your jacket." Thin, brown fingers had only brushed the cloth of his clothes when she realized that the poor child was soaked to the skin. "Naruto," she exclaimed worriedly, "what happened?! You'll catch hypothermia in these!"

Instantly she was herding him into her living room where a fire blazed in the fireplace and her teammates sat on floor pillows, blankets piled comfortably around them. Both men froze upon seeing the boy, but Iruka forcibly did not notice.

"You stay right here," she told the wide-eyed jinchuuriki, "and I'll bring you dry clothes so that you don't get sick, alright?"

Naruto ducked his head. "Ne'er been sick," he muttered uncomfortably, fingers twisting together under the attention of the two older males.

Iruka shot a distracted glare at them over his head before turning back to him and saying, "Well, we wouldn't want this to be the first time, would we? Take off your jacket and gloves and lay them on the ground in front of the fire, and then grab one of the blankets and sit there until I come back, alright? It'll only be a minute."

He glanced warily at the room's other occupants, and Iruka softened, placing a hand on his shoulder and smiling gently.

"Don't worry," she assured softly. "You're perfectly safe here. This is... my home, and they are my guests - and my friends; they won't hurt you here, alright? Or ever. You're safe."

As he gazed up at her, blue eyes earnest and searching, something in him relaxed, and he nodded with the tiniest answering grin. "'Kay, Ruka-sensei," he murmured and moved to the fire.

Iruka straightened and hurried into the back rooms to dig up some dry clothes.

Upon her return, she found Naruto - still in his jacket and gloves, the imp - crouched with his back to the fire, eyes untrustingly trained on her teammates.

She sighed and strode over to him. "Come on, squirt, let's get you out of that jacket, ne?" Iruka crouched as he stood (he was still shorter than her this way), and she helped him peel out of his wet clothes. When he hesitated to remove his boxers - clean at least, but obviously old and getting a little small - she caught his eyes and smiled gently. "Ne, don't mind them, alright? Or me - You don't have anything I haven't seen before, and I care more about your health than privacy."

Naruto jerked an uneasy nod before quickly stripping his underwear and socks off, hastily pulling on the dry boxers and green, long-sleeve shirt that hung almost to his ankles. He frowned questioningly at her as she rolled the sleeves up.

"My tousan's," she smiled sadly. "I'm sorry I couldn't find any pants. The only box of my old clothes that I've kept didn't have pants left from my _wild_ days climbing trees and catching myself on fire."

Little hands flew to his mouth to hide a squeaky giggle. Iruka smiled and tugged on the shirt once to settle it straight before giving it up as a lost cause; the neck hung permanently off of one of his shoulders.

She reached behind her and snagged one of the smaller, fluffy blankets and wrapped it snugly around him. "Come on." Gently guiding him away from the fire, Iruka reclaimed her place and settled Naruto in her lap, arms wrapped both protectively and comfortingly around him. "Naruto, these are my old genin teammates, Izumo and Kotetsu," she introduced. "Izumo, Kotetsu, this is Naruto, one of the Academy students I teach sometimes."

Naruto stared at them solemnly - and peeked one little finger from the folds of the blanket to point at Izumo. "I seen ya," he murmured. "Wit' Ruka-sensei. Ya made 'er happy." He turned in Iruka's lap and cuddled against her. "Ruka-sensei sad all th' time," he informed the room at large. "Tries t' hide it, bu' Naru see it in puddles, too - jus' like Ruka-sensei."

Both Izumo and Kotetsu stared at the boy in surprise, and Iruka gazed down at him fondly. She lightly scratched his head with her fingernails, and the touch-starved blond arched up into the touch, a purring sound rumbling from his little chest.

Iruka laughed and obliged and tucked him closer to her body. "I invited him to celebrate Yule with us," she said softly, "because he didn't understand what it was. He didn't know about the gifts, or the food, or the songs -" Her voice caught and sort of choked up. "Or the family. Or the friends." She looked at her brothers then, really _looked_, and said quietly, "He's just a little boy, Zumo, Tetsu - and no little boy should show up to my home and look like he's wearing rags while it's cold and snowing. I won't - I won't _let_ him."

The older chunin shared a look before turning back and softening. Izumo even smiled kindly. "It's nice to meet you, Naruto-kun."

And Naruto beamed.

* * *

_A couple notes: I've mentioned before that I am not a native Japanese speaker. However, I do extensive research when I include **anything**. I fudged the holiday itself a little since that's something that, as an American, there's not a whole lot I can understand from just reading articles, so I tried to make it a combination of Christmas as I practice it and what I read the Japanese practice as. Actually, a more accurate description of the Christmas holiday in Japan is seen when I describe it in chapter 8 - a couple's holiday. But, again, I kinda threw in some North American traditions in order to make equally family-centered. _

_Also on the language: '-cchi/chi/ichi' is in fact a Japanese suffix, though you won't find it on Wikipedia. It's used similarly to '-ita' in Spanish (i.e. Raquelita); it makes the name more 'cutesy'. It is considered diminutive and impolite except among close friends and family. (I told you: **so** much research). _

_Thank you to all who have favorites, followed, and reviewed! You all mean the world to me :)_

_Special thanks to **hadesbitch** for you review; I read your comment and totally fangirled over the fact that you've read **Spider's Web**. Like, I actually maybe kinda squealed XD. I'm over-the-top that you appreciated the fluff/romance, especially since that was so hard for me to write. And your description of the angst - yeah, I kinda did the evil, self-satisfied cackle at that. I am very pleased :). Lol jk. _

_Alright, I think that's it! Thank you all so much for your support! _

_Don't forget to follow, favorite, and review when you get the chance. I'll see ya in a few days! _


	9. Age 21 - Don't Kill the Messenger

_Welcome to the next chapter of my continuing insanity :) We're back to the original story line now, but things still won't be picking up for a little while. As I work on those particular chapters, here's some light angst, a subtle look into Iruka's skills, and some beautiful Iruka/Naruto fluff. Enjoy!_

_Warnings: implied torture, mentions of past murder, and Naruto being adorable_

"Speech"

* * *

"_You are the best for this mission, Iruka,"_ the Hokage had said. Iruka, ever ready to please her benefactor, had agreed - which was why she was crouched in a tree in the middle of almost-nowhere waiting for the informant to arrive.

"I know you are there, shinobi-san; how far leaves fall from the tree, indeed."

Iruka stood and entered the small clearing saying, "I go only as far as the wind takes me."

The signal given, Uchiha Itachi stepped from the shadows - and froze in surprise. "Iruka-sensei?"

She smiled softly. "Hello, Itachi-kun; it's been awhile."

After a moment he bowed in return greeting. "Indeed it has. I assume you are the one who I am making my report to?"

"Hai. Sandaime-sama asked me to come."

"Because you know the truth, because my place was almost yours, or because you are the most likely to survive should you be caught?" His words were stark and blunt, and Iruka winced; she didn't like to be reminded of her status.

"Sasuke-kun is doing well," she said instead. "He's bitter and aloof with his classmates, but he has come to me more than once in the past months. I believe that, by the time he graduates, he will be perfectly capable of participating as a functioning member of Konoha."

Itachi nodded. "This is good." He hesitated. "... Thank you, Iruka-sensei, for looking after him."

"Of course; I could never leave a child in need." She disregarded the memories of children burning alive and starving to death that snuck through her mind. "Your report, Itachi-san?"

Another nod, and then he related in a cool, emotionless voice the confidential info that might just save Naruto's life in the future. After his report was concluded, Itachi ran an appraising eye over Iruka. "You have gotten stronger," he complimented, and she blushed.

"Not really; I've just become proficient in my field."

"You were already proficient," he pointed out, "which is why our roles were almost reversed."

Iruka shook her head sorrowfully. "Please don't make me talk about this, Itachi; life is already cruel enough to the both of us without wondering about the what-ifs."

After a moment the oldest Uchiha nodded. "Very well, Iruka-sensei." He turned to leave but paused and said in parting, "I hope that your life changes for the better, Iruka-sensei."

Then he was gone, and Iruka's heart ached.

She wished that, too.

* * *

"It went... better than I thought," Iruka informed as she changed out of her uniform and into a set of loose-fitting scrubs.

Ibiki hummed thoughtfully from where he stood in the corner. "I am rather surprised that he didn't try to keep up appearances," he admitted. "Itachi-san has always been meticulous in everything he does."

She hesitated, unsure how to word this. Despite that Ibiki was head of T&I, only the Hokage (and Danzo, technically, but Itachi and Iruka had made sure that there was much the councilman _didn't_ know) knew the full truth of the Uchiha Massacre. Iruka knew, of course, because the Hokage had considered using her in Itachi's place. The only reasons he had eventually decided on the clan heir was because of the need to infiltrate the Akatsuki and the mysterious Uchiha that had approached Itachi before. Besides that, Itachi's credentials would have looked more impressive for the Akatsuki than Iruka's ever could.

"Itachi and I… have an old understanding," she settled for as she sat on the stone table.

Ibiki quirked a brow. "'An understanding'?"

The chunin grimaced. "It's an SS-class secret, Ibiki-san; I wish I could tell you."

He sighed and approached; Iruka squashed the fear that rushed through her. "Maybe one day." Ibiki smiled sadly, and she returned it - but he turned grim. "Are you ready?"

Iruka inhaled deeply and let it out slowly. She closed her eyes and reached deep inside herself for that endurance she had relied on so many times before. When her eyes opened, there was steel in them. "Hai."

Her screams echoed off the walls.

* * *

Naruto clutched Gamachi to his chest as he cuddled with Iruka on the couch. It had been three days since she had returned from her mission, and she was still wincing when she moved.

"Are you sure yer okay, Ruka-sensei?"

Her tired face smiled down at him. "I'm sure, Naru-kun. Stop worrying so much."

He gnawed on his lower lip. "But - I _can't_! I know it's summer, Ruka-sensei, so ya don't have ta worry 'bout the Academy, but it's _Saturday_! Usually you hang out with Mo-ji, Tetsu-ji, Genma-ji, and Rai-ji, but yer so hurt you can't go _anywhere_!"

Iruka's eyes narrowed, and he sunk down a little but refused to look away. "Excuse me, you twerp; are you implying I'm an invalid?"

Naruto frowned in confusion. "Invalid?"

His parental figure sighed and rolled her eyes, ire gone in the face of his innocence. "Nevermind, Naruto. You know, if you're bored you could always go find them yourself and ask them to play with you."

He rolled up onto his knees, Gamachi falling forgotten from his arms as fisted his smaller hands in the sleeve of her pajama shirt. "But Ruka-sensei! I wanna spend time with _you_, dattebayo!"

For a moment, all she did was blink wide-eyed at him, but then she softened and smiled - a _real_ smile, not the hurt or tired or sad ones she'd been giving him the last couple days. "Ah, arigatou, Naru-kun. I'm glad you'd rather stay with me."

And she meant it, he could tell, and warmth spread from his tummy up through his chest and down his arms to his fingers, making everywhere it went tingle happily. Naruto beamed and - gently - flopped down on top of her, snuggling his face against her neck. Iruka wiggled beneath him in order to reach Gamachi for him, and he accepted it with a grin before burrowing back into her warmth. "Yer my favorite person _ever_, dattebayo, Ru-kaasan."

Naruto couldn't see the shocked and pleased flush that heated his sensei's cheeks, but he _did_ feel the arms that wrapped tightly around him as if to never let him go.

Who needed anyone other than Iruka, anyway?

* * *

_So, thoughts? I'll be honest, those last two segments were not part of the original chapter, but about three weeks ago I was reading through my pre-written chapters and realized that I didn't have enough Iruka and Naruto or enough Iruka and Ibiki. I'll be honest: I actually really like Ibiki. _

_What about you? Which character do you like?_

_Apologies for the the late hour of the chapter. I was called in to work all day, so for all of you who have been looking for the update, here it is :]_

_Also, you guys are so awesome! We are currently at 61 follows, which honestly mean more to me than favorites because that means that people want to come **back** to this fic. Thank you, thank you, thank you! (So many tears of happiness are happening right now). _

_Please favorite, follow, and leave a comment if you haven't already :) See ya in two weeks!_


	10. Age 21 - Man From the Mountains

_And here's the next chappie! It's another smaller one, so sorry about that, but I hope you all like it anyway :) _

_Warnings: shinobi dictatorship, Sandaime being a jerk, mentions of sort-of slavery?, it's not exactly slavery but I don't have another word for it, serious Iruka angst_

"Speech" - _Thoughts_

_Please catch the important note at the end. Enjoy!_

* * *

"We require you to act as a translator, Iruka."

The elation she had felt spotting the stranger in the market district swelled - but she kept it hidden behind a cool facade. "Of course, Sandaime-sama; I would be honored. What should I say when he asks how I can speak the Mountain dialect?" Because he _would_ she knew, just as she knew that her heritage was essentially the property of Konohagakure.

Her Hokage's expression tightened. "You are forbidden from interacting with him."

And all of that anticipation turned to boiling anger. "What." It slipped out before she could stop it, fists and jaw clenching, but her rudeness was ignored.

"You, Umino Iruka, are forbidden to interact with the Mountain Tribesman from Ishi no Kuni."

She bit back the retort that threatened to fly. "Disregarding the fact," Iruka said between gritted teeth, "that he is most likely my kin, _Sandaime-sama_, how am I expected to translate without speaking to him face to face?"

Sandaime's expression remained cold. "You are aware of your status within this village, Iruka-san. While you may be one of our most valuable assets and a dear friend to me, personally, it does not change the fact that you are not of Konoha blood; your Hi no Ishi was learned, not inherited, and that makes you a risk to this village - a village I am sworn to protect until the last and from every threat, perceived or otherwise. Gomen-nasai, Iruka-san, but it is how it is. As for how, you will be stationed with an ANBU on the surrounding rooftops; a microphone will be worn by the shinobi chosen to interact with the Tribesman, and you will translate via radio headset."

Iruka stood before him, posture stiff and unforgiving before she whirled and stalked out of the Tower. This - This was _bullcrap_. She was loyal to Konoha! Iruka would _never_ betray her home even though she was an immigrant. It was _ridiculous_! And _insulting_! And _needlessly complicated_!

The feeling of betrayal dogged her steps up until the moment that she nearly collided with Genma.

"Ruka? You alright, kid?"

Inexplicably the burning of tears could be felt, and she clenched her eyes tight against the sensation; her teeth bit into her bottom lip in order to hold back a sob.

Genma placed a hand on her trembling shoulder. "Iruka?" When she offered no response, and he realized that this was too serious for her to handle by herself, he swiftly shunshin-ed them to his apartment and sent a bunshin to locate their wayward companions. "Ruka-chan," he tried again, "what's the matter?"

She shook her head violently.

A moment later Izumo and Kotetsu burst into the apartment and knelt in front of their sister. "We heard," Kotetsu informed her, his own eyes suspiciously bright - with anger. "It's not _right_, Ruka-chan, it's _not_. I don't care _who_ he is, but he has _no right_ -"

"He has _every_ right," she snarled back; tears slipped silently down her cheeks. In a fit of temper, Iruka tore her hitai-ate from her forehead and threw it against the wall. The band that held her hair back came out with the violent disruption and allowed her hair to drift wildly around her shoulders. "After all, what am I to this village except a _tool_, and he my master? I'm an _object_, and he can command me as he wills, and I will have _no choice_ but to _obey_. I'm a _freaking_ slave to this _freaking_ village and apparently a potential traitor. I just -"

The sob finally broke free, and Iruka doubled over, arms around her stomach, with the force of her suffering.

"_I just wanted to speak to him._"

Izumo and Kotetsu moved almost as one to embrace her and cradle her in between them, whispering pointless platitudes to soothe a wound that could not be healed.

Once she stopped crying, she pulled back to find that at some point Raidou had joined them, and now both tokujou sat watching the scene with confusion; the female chunin turned her head in shame.

"I'm missing something," Raidou stated bluntly. "I'm missing something important here, and I really don't think I'm going to like it."

Genma scrutinized Iruka intently, lips moving in silent words. After five whole minutes, his eyes widened, and he paled. "Oh, shit."

"Genma?" Raidou asked turning to his friend.

"... You _really_ aren't going to like it, Rai - besides, it's not really my place to say," Genma added with a knowing look thrown the chunins' way.

After a pause wherein she considered it, Iruka gave the barest nod to indicate her approval; Izumo faced the tokujou head on and left his teammate to continue comforting their friend.

"Iruka came to Konoha," Izumo explained, voice carefully level, "with her parents when she was seven. Her mother was a civilian with a kekkei genkai from Nami no Kuni, and her father was a warrior descended from the Desert Tribe in Kaze no Kuni and the Mountain Tribe in Ishi no Kuni. The Sandaime agreed to grant them asylum, but they were required to serve the village in return. Kohari-san, Iruka's mother, was given a crash course and inducted into ANBU due to her mastery of her kekkei genkai; she eventually earned jounin status outside of ANBU. Iruka's father, Ikkaku-san, was also given a crash course, but he had at some point received shinobi training in Kiri; since he was already a great warrior, Sandaime granted him the status of jounin with a specialty in foreign taijutsu." He paused to breathe and check on the dark-skinned chunin.

"And Iruka?" Raidou asked quietly.

Izumo sighed and turned from Iruka who had stiffened once more. "She was the reason Sandaime even agreed to let the Umino's stay here in the first place; she was just young enough to put through the Academy. She would be trained and taught as a Konoha nin and would serve the village until such a time as she was unable."

"They bought the loyalty of her family with her freedom," Kotetsu snapped. "Iruka was _sold_ to Konoha for the chance at a better life. She can't refuse a mission unless she's physically incapable; she can't be sent to other nations as a diplomat; she is reviewed constantly by the Civilian Council, the Shinobi Council, and the Hokage; she isn't allowed to advance any further in rank than tokubetsu jounin; any future family she may have _must_ be approved by the Hokage and the councils; and now she can't even _greet_ a kinsman from the Mountain Tribe because she is considered 'at risk' for potential defection." By the end he was heaving with outrage, and both tokujou were thoroughly disgusted.

"This is _legal_?!" Genma choked. "Iruka, you are _literally_ a slave to this village."

"I _know_," she sobbed anew. "I _know_ my place, I _do_, but it's just - I already do _everything_ they want, I earn my place here in this village, so why can't I have this _one_ thing? My job, my parent's home, and the chance to talk to family - that's _all_ I've ever asked for." Iruka laughed then, something empty and miserable. "I mean, I guess two out of three isn't so bad, right?"

A brief moment, anger and righteous outrage swirling through the air like a maelstrom, and Genma moved to kneel in front of her so that he could look her right in the eyes; he took her hands in his. "Iruka, you shouldn't have to _ask_ to live."

There was a moment where everything in the world was motionless, Iruka a statue and Genma a stone at her feet, their hands the only thing connecting her to all of reality; she felt like she was spinning out of control, and abruptly she was in Genma's arms crying and wailing for all she could not have and all that she had lost.

Iruka finally realized one important truth: she was not living.

* * *

_I honestly don't have a whole lot to say about this chapter. Um, I would like to put out there that I really do love Sarutobi Hiruzen. However, I also think that there's a lot more to running a village as a warrior dictator than we really see, especially as a leader who is trying to keep his village from falling into another war that they cannot afford. _

_Anywho. Have some supportive Genma and Raidou, both of whom I love dearly. _

_**Important:** Due to classes starting next week and said classes being a bit more difficult than last semester's, there will not be an update in two weeks. So, the next update will be in exactly four weeks. This will also give me a chance to build up my backlog of chapters so I can keep up with regular updates. _

_Don't forget to favorite, follow, and review. Thank you all so much for your patience! :)_


	11. Age 22 - Sharks and Moles and Weasels

_Welcome back! So, you know how I said I was going to use this last month to rebuild my backlog of chapters? Yeah, didn't happen. The stupid Wave Arc is kicking my butt, and I **have** to get this one right because it sorta sets up the Chunin Exams arc. Also, I finally get to use the language key for something other than spoken language! Yay! Don't forget to catch the A/N at the end for more chapter details etc._

"Speech" - |_Shinobi sign_|

_Warnings: crappy fight scenes, Akatsuki, unconventional Tsukuyomi, slight character angst_

* * *

There were no words to describe how absolutely pear-shaped this had gone. What _should_ have been Iruka's second mission to retrieve Itachi's report had become her first encounter with Itachi's Akatsuki companion: Hoshigaki Kisame.

A giant shark-man, Kisame towered a solid three feet above Iruka, and the giant sword strapped to his back - Samehada if she remembered correctly - marked him as an opponent the chunin would normally call in backup for.

But she was alone. And Itachi was forced to maintain his cover, so he was standing half-hidden in the shadows with an air of chronic disinterest.

"Well, well, well; what have we here?"

Iruka shuddered at the sharp (literally) grin he gave her, and she was so, so very glad she had changed into her ANBU uniform for this mission. Not only did it give her an extra level of anonymity, but the uniform also did an amazing job of concealing her gender; she didn't think the nukenin would go any easier on a girl. Reminding herself to personally thank whoever came up with the voice-altering jutsu applied to her mask later, she said, "Someone who is willing to barter for safe passage back to the border of Hi no Kuni."

At this Kisame blinked in surprise before bursting into laughter; even Itachi, she saw, blinked in the background, and Iruka smiled grimly to herself. Let it not be said that the Prank King had lost her cunning in the years she had been inactive. After a handful of minutes filled with Kisame's laughter and Iruka's growing unease, the Kiri nukenin let out a final chuckle. "You're an interesting one, ANBU-san, I'll give you that - but I don't think we'll be taking you up on that."

"I did say I would barter," she replied with forced levity. "A trade, of sorts, if you will - as long as my life and mission are not at risk."

"That's no fun," he pouted, then turned to his younger partner. "Whaddya say, Red-eyes? Wanna play with our guest a while? We don't even have to keep our end of the bargain."

Itachi seemed to regard her for a long moment, but Iruka saw the carefully the familiar twitches that ran through his fingers and hands the moment Kisame turned back to face her; |_Will you make it?_| Iruka realized that he was making sure she could handle a fight and subsequent torture session.

Her own hand flicked as if with tension. |_Yes_.|

"We have time," he said at length, and Kisame's leer turned distinctly shark-like - before it fell slightly at his partner's next words. "He should be allowed to return to Konoha; watching their shinobi scramble around like headless chickens will be… amusing."

The grin was back. "Why, Itachi-kun, I didn't realize you had such a dirty sense of humor." His eyes hardened in glittering anticipation, muscles coiling and tensing. "I like it."

In the next moment he was behind Iruka. There was only enough time to sense the chakra-powered fist heading straight for the center of her back before she was a foot to the left, a leaf taking her place; Iruka had waited until she felt his balance shift forward enough that the lack of contact would set him off balance, and the moment she reappeared, she was already delivering a heavy thump to the spot right above his shoulder blades and beneath his neck, right on his spine - a blow that sent him stumbling forward. Iruka performed a kawarimi with the leaf had yet to reach the ground, this time delivering an uppercut to Kisame's throat. The moment her fist made contact she was gone again, appearing equidistant from the nukenin.

Kisame barely caught himself from falling flat on his face, one hand thrown out for balance and the other reflexively coming up to cradle his throat. "You _bastard_," he snarled and broke into a coughing fit. Itachi looked away in disinterest.

"You could have killed him with that blow," he commented, "yet you did not. Now you have lost the element of surprise."

The chunin (no, really) saw underneath to the question the Akatsuki asked - and then underneath the underneath to what Uchiha Itachi was asking. |_Better the devil we know_,| she signed while pretending to think, |_than the devil we don't._| If she killed Kisame, then the Akatsuki would simply find another member. This way, at least, she made sure that her comrades would continue facing a threat that they were slowly learning about rather than having to start all over. Out loud she answered, "Oh, I think if I had actually killed Kisame-san, then I would have had to face _you_, Uchiha-san; this way he has grudge enough to keep you from helping."

"I might step in anyway."

Kisame, who had been listening to - if not watching - everything, straightened and growled, "No, you _won't_. The punk's right: this is _my_ fight now."

Itachi dipped his chin in approval. Kisame took this for permission and lunged, Iruka barely dodging by leaping over his head. However, the Kiri nukenin slipped Samehada from his back faster that she could blink, and it made to take her head off as she fell to the earth.

Iruka bent backwards in midair so that her head - which was the limb closest to the bite of the legendary weapon - and chest were lifted just out of its reach. At the same time, one of her gloved hands lightly pushed off the sword, and her muscles contracted to flip her head forward and send her into a rolling flip almost parallel with the ground; she collided feet-first with a tree and stuck to it sideways with chakra, fingers resting on the bark for balance.

"Impressive," Kisame admitted grudgingly; a sly smile quirked his lips, "but now Samehada has felt your chakra and tasted your blood." He held up the blade in question as if to show off his small victory - but there was nothing there except a slight tear in the bindings. "W-What? What is this?!"

In answer Iruka lifted a gloved hand and tapped the fingers together causing dull metallic click to echo around her.

"Padded fingers?" Kisame sighed and lowered his weapon. "Ya know, it's no fun when they're actually good, Itachi. Samehada is hungry!"

Somewhere beneath the adrenaline Iruka felt her stomach squinch; a hungry Legendary Sword was definitely a Bad Thing. Then, Iruka did a Stupid Thing: she looked to Itachi to gauge his reaction - and was speared by his spinning, blood-red eyes.

The next moment she was opening her own eyes in an inverted grey-scale while a giant moon watched on from the ruby sky. Itachi stood before her.

"... I've read about this," she stated simply and gazed around at the empty environment in curiosity, one hand coming up to remove her mask before she looked back at the younger man. "Aren't I supposed to be tied up and in unimaginable pain?"

His left shoulder twitched in what she assumed was a shrug. "The landscape is subject to my whim. In order to spare your life, I pulled you into the Tsukuyomi. Kisame will assume that I have tortured you and will be easily convinced to spare your life. In the meantime, you and I may spend the next three days here."

She frowned. "It only adds up to a few seconds out there, doesn't it?"

Another twitch of his left shoulder. "I control how time passes; three days is what I choose for torture. Of course, we can stay here for less time if you wish, but I…" For the first time since Iruka had known him, she watched the great Uchiha prodigy falter as if embarrassed. "I thought you might like living for a while as if there were no secrets."

A fond sort of warmth filled her, and Iruka smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Thank you, Itachi," she said simply, and his face bore the softest of smiles. "Although," the chunin added, "I think I'd like to live in color, if you could…"

In the next instant everything was normal - and they were both in different attire. They sat on top of the Hokage Monument at sunrise; Iruka dressed in soft, grey sweatpants and a sage green sweater, and Itachi in black cargo shorts and a dark blue, short sleeved, high-collared shirt she remembered him wearing before the massacre. Both were barefoot and without weapons.

"It's beautiful," Iruka murmured as she admired the detail put into the sunrise and the beloved city.

"It is part memory," he said, "and part dream; my sharingan remembers the details, and my heart recalls how it all fits together."

She couldn't help herself. "I meant the sweater, but yes, this is impressive." They shared a wry grin. Iruka leaned back on the heels of her palms, head tilted up to the sky and eyes closed as she enjoyed the gentle morning breeze. "Really, Itachi-san, this is amazing. People only remember the great and terrible things the sharingan can do, and they forget the simple and beautiful things."

He was silent a long moment, but Iruka did not mind; the sun was only just rising completely above the horizon. "... Do you remember my cousin, Shisui?"

After a moment of thought, she nodded. "Yeah. Three years younger than me, I think, and another of your clan's prodigies." It was sort of a lie: Iruka had known Shisui quite well within ANBU. They had been from different departments - Shisui from the Hunter Corps - but due to Iruka's specializations, they had crossed paths pretty frequently.

Itachi hummed. "He was a master of the sharingan; had he lived, he would have been even greater than me, or at least I would have been his equal if in different ways. Shisui-nii loved the idea that the sharingan could ease someone's suffering or literally preserve a precious moment for the rest of the user's life. He… He would create simple illusions for the clan children to entertain them, and I rarely saw him happier than in those moments."

Iruka listened silently. Eventually, "Your cousin was a good man, Itachi, and I think I knew him well enough to say that he would be proud of you for loving your village and precious people enough to destroy yourself for them." She glanced at him sidelong. "It is an admirable and honorable quality."

His lips twitched in dry amusement. "Perhaps I should have been born a samurai."

The joke was so unexpected and jarring compared to the serious topic that Iruka burst into surprised, unrestrained laughter. When she finally calmed down, her cheeks were streaked with mirthful tears, and her sides ached fiercely; with a slight start she realized for the first time that the hair of both shinobi were loose and fluttering in the breeze. She tucked a strand behind her ear, cheeks glowing and countenance relaxed.

"You are very beautiful," Itachi complimented, "when you are not hiding behind a mask."

Her cheeks flushed, and she elbowed him kindly in the side. "And _you_," she countered, "are very _young_, mister. Weren't you ever taught to respect your elders?"

"Were you not taught to receive compliments?"

It was an awkward fumble on his part for humor, but Iruka forgave him - Itachi had always been just a _little_ socially awkward. However, it did bring to mind rather painful memories that did wonders in sobering her mood. The quiet reply escaped her lips before she could swallow it - and the years of bitterness - down. "No."

Itachi turned to look at her fully, ebony eyes wide and vulnerable.

She shifted in place and kept her own eyes locked firmly on the miniscule people bustling around in the mid-morning sun. "I have always been a slave, Itachi," she murmured, a sudden conviction that Itachi would _understand_ ballooning within her. "I hardly remember anything else, anything from before. I was taught to follow orders without question, to never question out loud, to be even more of a perfect soldier than any native Konoha shinobi, because I am _gaijin_ \- a threat. I cannot be anything less than what the village needs me to be, because otherwise everything I love will be taken from me. Compliments? Kindness?"

Her bitterness and disgust seeped into her voice as a world-weary exhaustion - an old thing, she knew, and the first step on the road to defeat and submission.

"Every compliment I have received has been to earn my affections and will; any kindness given has been calculated to keep my loyalty. Any freedoms I have been granted have all been facades designed to keep me complacent and give only the _impression_ of trust in myself and intentions. I serve my village," her voice cracked, "_my_ village, faithfully, and in return I am used mercilessly and abused like a faithful _dog_ after every mission I complete - missions where I am expected to _hurt_, to _deceive_, and to come back _whole_ even though I - I lose myself a little each time I am ordered to annihilate my unsuspecting, _trusting_ targets. I am _bruised _by my own village as if it is supposed to keep me sane, and the only ones who seem to care are the ones who can do _nothing_ about it."

Iruka sucked a deep breath in through her nose and exhaled it through her mouth in an explosive gust; she felt her emotions cool and come back under control.

"So, no, Itachi," she finished tiredly, "I was never taught to take a compliment."

The former ANBU gazed at her as if truly seeing her for the first time; what he said next nearly sent her reeling. "If I had not wanted Sasuke raised in the safest of the hidden villages," he seethed quietly, "I would have let the Uchiha tear that city apart with their coup and their hatred and their fire; I would have taken Sasuke and all those wronged and led them to safety where they could not be hurt by their home." Ebony glittered softly, echoing Iruka's exhaustion in their soft depths. "You are yet another victim I could not save."

Something in her loosened. "Ah, it's not your fault; don't blame yourself for things you cannot control. I'm older than you, don't forget, so even if you _could_ have saved me, it would already have been too late." Iruka looked out again at the dream-village, brown eyes shining fondly. "I _do_ love this place," she breathed. "It's my home, and even if I have nothing else, I still have my kids and my few friends. If nothing else, I stay for them." Now she glanced over again. "Sort of like you, Itachi - except you _left_."

The nukenin shrugged. "Maybe we're both slaves to the same flawed system."

Iruka could do nothing but agree.

* * *

Iruka woke up a whole week later as something of a celebrity among the ANBU; Mole had survived without backup against two Akatsuki legends, survived the Tsukuyomi, and returned to Konoha's gates with only chakra drain and supposed mental trauma.

She felt more rested than she had in years. _I should talk to Itachi more often._

Not even daring to trust her friends with the truth of the encounter, Iruka made up some crap reason about why she would be off of active duty for another week while she rested up. They didn't believe the pitiful excuse, of course, but they knew better by now than to pry.

Either way, as Iruka stood at her window watching the morning sun rise, she knew that with the knowledge that someone was out there who knew, who _understood_, she could make it.

She _would_.

* * *

_So, here's Iruka's second encounter with Itachi. I tend to agree with other authors in this fandom in that Itachi definitely didn't make the **right** choice when it came to following Danzo's orders to cull the Uchiha and that there were definitely **other** choices that could have been made. However, I really do like Itachi, so here ya go. _

_In regards to how Itachi's Tsukuyomi works, I did a little research into this and it seems to me that Itachi himself creates the environment, so when he's torturing someone he's the one that makes the genjutsu look like that - in other words, Tsukuyomi doesn't just look all creepy._

_Also, question: How in the world do you spell chunin? Is is with one or two 'u's? (Chunin vs Chuunin) Please let me know, b/c it's honestly ridiculous how much pointless anxiety I've had over this one freaking word X'D_

_There is only one more chapter between this one and the Wave arc, but, like I mentioned, the Wave arc is giving me a complex lol. I realized a couple days ago that I need to pretty much re-write the entire last two-thirds of it, but my grades in my classes are currently sitting at a D and a C, so those take priority. There will be an update in two weeks for sure, but I'm not sure when I'll be able to post the next chapter :/ _

_A huge thank you to everyone who has favorited, followed, and/or reviewed either myself or this fic. You guys really are awesome, and seeing that you guys like this fic totally makes my day. _

_Happy early Valentine's Day - or Chocolate Day, of your completely single like me and only appreciate the holiday for the deliciousness that is chocolate. If you don't like chocolate, then happy Whatever Treat You Like Best Day :)_


	12. Interlude: Ages 17 & 18

_Alright. So, I technically had the next chronological chapter written, but then I realized that I'm still wrapping up the Wave Arc to my satisfaction, and the next chapter is the Academy Graduation arc, so. No go. However, I also realized that there were some things in that chapter that were either a) references to past events that you guys haven't actually read yet, or b) didn't make much sense according to my own head-canons/thoughts that I've had since I started writing this. So, instead of the next chapter, you guys are getting the two chapters that the next chapter is built on. Alright. Catch the Corner of Ramblings at the end for any translations I remembered, notes on the sections, etc. _

_Warnings: Mentioned torture, implied slavery (as it applies in this fic), ocs in the second section, referenced abuse (sort of; it's really vague) _

* * *

**Age 17 - Survive**

The second time Iruka _officially _met Morino Ibiki, it was on orders (the first being when her family moved to Konoha and Ibiki was still an itty-bitty apprentice without the scars and the reputation).

"It's good to see you again, Iruka-kun," Sandaime smiled, kind and grandfatherly in the way she preferred (but didn't feature in too many of her early memories). "Please, take a seat."

Iruka had been powering through the pile of the end-of-year paperwork Mizuki had oh-so-kindly left for her to do when an ANBU had appeared in the classroom window with a summons. She smiled gratefully and took the seat, confusion warring with politeness. "Thank you, Hokage-sama." Confusion won. "Why send and ANBU, Sandaime-sama? No hawk means no mission, eto…" The chunin trailed off, unsure how to continue.

The elderly man chuckled. "You have a good eye for detail, my dear; it's a shame to think I will never have you for one of my jounin."

To anyone listening in - who knew Iruka well enough - it would be implied that the Hokage was referring to the fact that only chunin taught at the Academy. However, Iruka's shoulders stiffened minutely within her vest; Iruka would never be _allowed_ to accept a jounin promotion, and her leader's words were a painful - if unintended - reminder. She forced herself to relax. "Ah, I'm just where I want to be." The placid, assuring words brought with them the sour taste of bile; she swallowed discreetly and maintained her smile.

Sandaime eyed her for a moment. He hummed thoughtfully. "Yes. Yes, you'll do just fine." More directly he said, "Iruka, the reason I called you in is because I would like to induct you into the Torture and Interrogation department."

Brown eyes widened to the size of saucers. "T-T&I? Sandaime-sama -"

"My dear, allow me to explain." Her mouth shut with a 'click'. "Now, you will know this already, but T&I - along with the other factions of our shinobi forces - contains some smaller divisions within its main operating parameters. Among these is a smaller group: the Infiltration and Intelligence Force."

"Shinjun Chinou Butai," Iruka murmured thoughtfully, leaning back in the chair.

Sandaime nodded. "Hai, otherwise known as the I&I division."

"... I've heard of it," she admitted at last, "but only in passing."

"I'm not surprised. The T&I head is rather protective of this bunch, so he doesn't advertise their existence. I&I are specially selected shinobi who specialize in infiltration and gathering intelligence, as the name suggests. Missions are infrequent, and identities are jealously guarded. You, my dear, I believe would fit well there."

Iruka was stunned, to say the least. "A-Ano - Why _me_?"

The Hokage regarded her kindly. "You are talented, Iruka-kun. Everyone naturally trusts you, you have a good head on your shoulders, you're cunning, intelligent, stubborn, and you possess a fire that makes you strong - the Hi no Ishi. Beyond that, you blend easily into the background, and you have great potential as a shinobi."

"W-What about the Academy? Sandaime-sama, sumimasen, but I don't think -"

He held up a hand to stop her, and she bit off her ramblings. "I&I operatives," he informed her, "do not have frequent missions. In order to keep up their covers, all of them are employed elsewhere and only receive a mission as frequently as they, individually, are needed - about every four to five months in most cases. You would still work here at the Academy and in the Missions Room, but every now and then you would be required to take a mission lasting anywhere from one week to a few months. The pay is good, and you will receive additional training."

Iruka sighed and leaned forward, faced buried in her hands. When she sat back up, it was with a resigned sort of determination. "Alright. I'll do it." After all, what was she but a tool?

* * *

Iruka waited nervously in front of the solid, metal door she had just knocked on. After her meeting with the Hokage, an ANBU had been directed to take her to the head of T&I.

"Enter," a loud voice bellowed.

The young chunin twitched just slightly but heaved open the heavy door and stepped inside. She swallowed, eyes flitting over the form of the young man (huge, scarred, head covered in a bandana that rumors claimed hid even more scars) before she said quietly but clearly, "Sumimasen, shinobi-san, but Sandaime-sama told me to come here."

Black-brown eyes lifted and settled heavily on her; Iruka was suddenly very conscious of how small she was in the one-size-fits-all chunin vest, how loosely she obviously fit in her own clothes. After a long, drawn out moment in which she forced herself to meet his gaze squarely, the head of T&I relaxed and sat back. "So," he intoned, "you're Umino, ne? Hokage-sama told me you were young; I didn't realize he was sending me a _child_."

A barb, deliberate and pointed so as to sneak under her skin. But Iruka had trained herself to resist such words, especially in the face of cunning-sharp superiors. She blinked languidly. "If I were a child," she replied smoothly, "then I would still do the job my Hokage has given me."

He grinned, something shark-like and pleased. "I am Morino Ibiki. Sandaime has informed me that he believes you would do well in I&I. Do you know why he thinks that?"

Iruka placed the rumors to his name - hearsay that floated around the village, glimpses of trench coats, whispers that he was a skilled manipulator and a master of psychology. She tilted her head just slightly. "You have my file, Morino-san."

Morino studied her, pleased grin settling into something closer to amusement. "Indeed - but I want _you_ to tell me why our leader believes you should be here."

"I'm stealthy," Iruka stated bluntly. "I can improvise. I'm a fair hand at seals, and I'm training my kenjutsu. My aim is good, and even if I usually lose a fight, I always get what I want out of it."

At this he raised a brow. "And what would _you_ want, little chunin?"

Iruka let her own shark-grin steal across her face. "Training, Morino-_san_, and the satisfaction of leaving a mark where I couldn't before." For all that Iruka was the more mature of her genin team, she had always been the most ruthless - by necessity, mostly, but also for the sheer, petty pleasure of marking in some way the village that had taken so much from her. "Revenge," she added, and her grin came dangerously close to a sneer. "Revenge for my parents and for the freedom I'll never earn."

_This_ won his interest, and won it by a mile. Morino nodded once, eyes never leaving her. "Good," his voice rumbled. "Hold on to that anger. It will fuel you during your training, keep you going when you'd otherwise quit."

_Like I'd have a choice,_ she thought bitterly, and he saw it.

"While that may be true, you will only get stronger here, Umino-san. We will break you and rebuild you as many times as it takes to make you a survivor."

Flashes of sand dunes and blood-fear and the torture she was only two years free from rushed her, left her dizzy, distant and more-recent past blending into the nightmares she fought each night. But she stood still, stood straight and strong, and squared her shoulders. "I am shinobi," she stated, "and nothing else." Her jaw clenched. "I've survived before, Morino-san, and now I stand here; I _will_ survive again, because I am nothing _else _if not shinobi." _Not even free_.

Another long, long moment where knowing eyes tried to frighten her, to break her down. Her mouth opened and let slip words she had thought of her sensei but never uttered, had screamed silently to the star-torn sky as a small refugee family fled to the safety of Konoha but never voiced.

"_I will survive you_."

Morino smirked again and stood, moved to tower directly in front of her, forcing Iruka to crane her neck back to meet his eyes, but she never let that position dull the fire burning in her soul. "Good." The voice was sickly-sweet, a promise and a torture and a warning. "Maybe you'll be the first."

* * *

Abruptly Ibiki pulled away, strode back to his desk and sank into the deceptively soft chair. He watched the young girl before him with something akin to pride; she was afraid (he could almost smell it on her when she came in), but it had been overcome by steely resolve - the Hi no Ishi, and in this one it burned strongly.

"Do you know what your duties will be?" he asked, tone now almost friendly if still cold. To his delight, Umino did not relax, but she did let the tension bleed from her; to anyone else she would have seemed almost open and inviting. _She will do well_.

"Infiltration," she recited. "Gathering intelligence."

He nodded. She wasn't _wrong_, persay, only missing some things. "You have potential, Umino-san, to be one of I&I's best operatives. I&I is under my command, but you will function outside the direct influence of T&I's regulations. You go where I tell you, you do what I tell you, and no one will know that you are among I&I's numbers. Your identity will be absolutely secret. If someone suspects, then you are a hush-hush shinobi of T&I."

Ibiki glanced at her sharply, and she nodded in understanding.

"After every mission," he continued, "you report directly to me. All injuries you have sustained will be treated by my own medics, and your missions will always, _always_ be top-secret."

Another nod of confirmation, and he swallowed the slightly sour taste lingering on the back of his tongue. This girl wasn't quite eager, but it was close enough that it tickled the conscience lying dormant in the back of his mind. She didn't know what she was getting into, and Ibiki knew her file; it was one of the first he had ever become acquainted with as an apprentice ("_Be careful,"_ his shishou had warned, "_careful, because this one is foreign, and she will not belong, and she will _know _it like she knows how to kill: intimately and with hatred hidden deep in her soul and glimpsed through her eyes."_) (Ibiki had never seen a woman who loved her village more).

"I&I is always in need of more operatives," he said coolly, "but the conditioning is too… _stressful_ for more than a handful to handle. If the Hokage himself has recommended you, then I think you'll make it." Ibiki breathed steadily. "You will be taught to withstand torture," he stated bluntly. "You will be trained in iryojutsu, and will be conditioned to always come back alive, always, no matter your situation, so that the information you gather can be used to save lives."

He stood again and faced her fully; she lifted her chin, brown eyes as steady waves against the cliffs.

"What you will do, what you will face on missions, will be worse than anyone will ever be able to know. You will want to die, to give up, but you _will_ make it back because the only reason you will take these missions at all is because the intelligence you bring back will save the lives of your comrades many times over. You will do this, even if it kills you, because there will be no one else to do it; they will all be on missions of their own." Ibiki let his tone become crisp. "Is this clear, chunin?"

Umino didn't snap to attention like he had intended, but flowed swift and deadly into readiness. Her stance did not change, but her will burned bright as the sun. Ibiki saw this, and he smirked again. "Hai, Morino-san."

Yes, she would do _very_ well.

* * *

Two weeks later Iruka limped cautiously into her apartment, keys jangling in her hands as the other fumbled with the stack of scrolls - her 'homework' as dictated by Ibiki. She had been training at T&I HQ everyday for the past fortnight, working with other operatives, a spare ANBU member, or Ibiki himself on occasion, and after every session she was sent home with scrolls on various jutsu, techniques, and the cultures of other nations. Considering the chunin was required to help plan lessons and grade for Mizuki's class, Iruka was swamped.

Iruka carefully shut the door behind her and dumped her load on her kitchen table before stumbling to the sink to boil water for tea. She had just filled the pot with water and was carrying it over to the stove when three things occurred simultaneously: the front door crashed open with an accompanying, "Ruka-sensei!", stabbing pain tore through her causing the teapot to fall to the floor with a resounding 'CRASH', and Iruka followed it not a second later.

"Ruka-sensei!" Little feet pattered recklessly to her side, a brightly blue sea of chakra that Iruka only registered on the edge of her awareness, and a flash of orange threw itself to its knees by her side. Hands anxiously hovered over her, afraid to touch. "Ruka-sensei, are you 'kay?!"

Tears blurred her vision, and Iruka couldn't manage to force words past the cry that lodged reflexively in her throat.

"Ruka-sensei!"

Her heart ached for a moment, guilt at scaring the boy so badly, but then another wave of fire shocked her back to senselessness, and she grit her teeth in painful rictus. Agony sent shivers of burning ice through her veins and made her tremble, roared in her ears like so much rumbling water, and she didn't even know Naruto had left her side at all.

When the thunder died and she could feel the press of her body against the hardwood floor once again, there was someone else beside the blond (white chakra, crackling and strictly controlled despite its average reserves, so different from the whipping tempest beside it).

"How long has he been like this," a vaguely familiar voice demanded even as swift, experienced hands traced her limbs for injury.

"C-Couple o' minutes," she heard Naruto stammer, worry evident in his trembling voice. "I opened th' door an' heard Ruka-sensei fall, an' when he didn' respon' I ran out to get some help." Oh, that sounded like the strain of tears; Iruka's guilt redoubled. "W-Will Ruka-sensei be 'kay, shinobi-san?"

The hands pulled back, and the shinobi sighed lightly. "Your sensei is very hurt. Can you go tell the Hokage, Uzumaki-san?" There was a beat of silence - Naruto must have been nodding - before a stumble of motion took the jinchuuriki boy away. Iruka was left alone with the stranger. "... Can you hear me, Umino-san?"

She managed to twitch her head, breath hitching at the wave of pain that followed.

"Good," the man - young, she noted, though his voice was deep, but likely only a few years older than her - said dryly, "because you are awful at pretending to be unconscious."

Anger reared up to fight the pain - _How _dare _he the smug bastard let me punch his face kami help me_ \- "I wasn't pretending," she bit out; her breath hitched as the pain flared enough to swallow her ire.

"Maa, whatever you say, Umino-san."

And suddenly she could place that stupid, stupid voice. "Hatake-san?" Iruka pried her eyes open enough to see the jounin uniform topped with a single visible eye and a bush of silver hair - and her irritation swallowed the pain. "_You_."

He raised his brow. "Me?"

Iruka levered herself into a half-sitting position leaning back against her cupboards, heedless of the ceramic shards that bit into the palms of her hands. She blinked through the haze so as to properly glare at him. "Yes, _you_. Your last mission report was three - three! - weeks late, Hatake-san, and it was _covered_ in inappropriate scribbles! Not only that, but you nearly gave poor Haigo-san a heart attack! And Yeino-san an aneurysm!"

The bastard hummed boredly. "Only nearly? I must be losing my touch."

She saw red. "_Losing your_ \- Argh!" Iruka lifted a hand to fist in her hair but jerked it back with a hiss as soft strands found open wounds.

Hatake rolled his eyes and reached for her hand, but Iruka only saw him coming from her peripheral vision, and with the haze of pain and anger in her system, she only saw another man, from a different time, moving to strike her.

Iruka's entire body moved in a twitch, still too weak to actually move, and a quiet yip of fear and pain escaped her lips. The movement of her body caused the arm propped beneath her to give out, and her head would have cracked against the floor if the hand approaching her hadn't belonged to a shinobi with incredible reflexes; long, pale fingers slipped between Iruka's head and the floor. The unexpected contact threw her remembered panic into overdrive, and she cried out as if stung, the hand recoiling in shock.

* * *

Sarutobi Hiruzen, Hokage of Konohagakure, strode into Iruka's kitchen just in time to witness this last reaction, and he frowned internally at the state one of his favorite chunin was in. "Kakashi," he suggested calmly, "it might be best if you give Iruka-kun his space."

The socially awkward jounin hesitated - whether in concern or confusion or discomfort it was unclear - before moving to stand behind him. Little Naruto instantly took his place, small hands fisting in his sensei's shirt.

"Ruka-sensei! Ruka-sensei, are you 'kay? Please be 'kay, 'kay? If yer not, then who'll get me ramens? 'R let me spend Yule with'em? Ruka-sensei?"

Tears welled in the boy's eyes, and Hiruzen's grandfather-heart melted; he knelt beside the blond and carefully felt Iruka's pulse - fast and too thready for his liking. He pulled back. "Iruka-sensei will be alright," he informed Naruto warmly, meeting watery-azure steadily. "He will need to visit the hospital, but he will be fine."

Iruka squirmed, eyes blinking blearily open. "No," she mumbled even as her eyes slipped closed once more. "No 'ospitals. Can't… Can't go. 'Biki said - said part o' m' trainin'."

Hiruzen sighed wearily. Honestly, he had forgotten the sort of training Iruka was going through. Forced through genjutsu after genjutsu, reliving terrible memories or made-up scenarios, put through endurance training, taught to resist torture and gather intelligence, taught to gather intelligence _while_ being torutred, training in taijutsu, genjutsu, and ninjutsu till she dropped, and then sent to the hospital for iryojutsu training before going home to study, practice more, and keep up with her duties at the Academy - Iruka was kept going every minute of every day, and often times into the early hours of morning before being expected to do it all again a few hours later.

"Alright, Iruka," he murmured tiredly, "alright. I will do what I can for you, but then I will have to leave you."

Her face contorted against what must have been another wave of pain, but she nodded.

He sighed and pushed himself to his feet. "Come, Naruto-kun; why don't you go sit on the couch while I make something for Iruka-sensei to eat, hm?"

Naruto glanced up at him, clearly disliking the idea of leaving his sensei, but he nodded reluctantly and left the kitchen.

"Kakashi," he said quietly, and immediately the jounin was by his side. "Take Iruka-kun to his room and then help me clean up this mess. After that you may go."

The young man nodded and did as he was told, quietly telling Iruka that he would be picking her up and carrying her a little ways. She stiffened but otherwise did not react to his touch as she was taken to her room. When Kakashi returned he quickly swept the broken shards up and threw them in the kitchen - and hesitated as he left.

Hiruzen was busying himself around the small kitchen, boiling more water for tea in a spare kettle and heating some rice and broth he had found in the fridge. Without looking behind him he asked, "Yes, Kakashi?"

"... Umino-san," he began. "He… flinched. When I moved to help him."

He still did not turn around. "Do you forget things so easily, Kakashi? You were there to find him, were you not?"

From the last Hatake's chakra, Hiruzen could sense the sudden understanding. Kakashi did not say anything, but he did not have to.

"Iruka-kun has been training vigorously in genjutsu in recent weeks, and his tutor is… aggressive. Thorough might be a better way to put it. In any case, Naruto-kun's sensei has most likely re-lived those memories, so they are not as far from the light of day as he would otherwise keep them."

Kakashi's chakra fell carefully blank. "I see," he said simply, voice void of emotion.

"Hai. You may go, Kakashi, unless there was something else?"

"No, Hokage-sama." The boy activated a shunshin and vanished from the small apartment; once he was gone, Hiruzen leaned against the counter and rubbed at his eyes.

He was too old for this.

* * *

Iruka woke in her bed, the light, soft blue of her walls and ceiling reflecting the dawning sun in soothing tones.

The pain in her body had dulled for the most part, and her muscles had relaxed. She could also think clearly which was always a plus.

She stretched with a tired sigh and grimaced faintly at the lingering aches. After a moment Iruka allowed her senses to stretch out in a way she rarely allowed, chakra pulsing in a steady, low-powered rhythm. It was sort of like echolocation: Iruka would send out her chakra in short bursts and allow it to bounce off her surroundings and come back to her in the way of images or impressions - the impressions of images - she instinctively translated in her mind. Useful - and not something she had ever told Sandaime about.

Beyond that though, Iruka's chakra was naturally sensitive. She had been born a sensor, if not one with great range, but what she _could_ sense was in vivid detail. It was also overwhelming enough during her day-to-day activities that the chunin had learned at an early age how to suppress the ability.

So, now, letting her chakra unspool like gentle waves around her, Iruka learned that Naruto - bright, lashing, burning - was asleep on her couch. There were traces of the Hokage in her kitchen (fire burnt down to coals, steady and warm but ready to spring back to life if needed) and what a rather pointed pulse told her was food long since gone cold waiting for her. Oh, well.

With another sigh she rose and got ready for the day, chakra curling back in, grateful that she still had two or three hours before she was to report to Ibiki again. Once she was showered and dressed, Iruka stepped into her living room.

Naruto was curled up on his side, knees drawn tightly to his chest and both hands limply curled in the natural space his body created. With a soft smile, Iruka took the blanket draped over the back of the couch and draped it over the boy, then meandered into the kitchen. A cup of tea and two small bowls, one of rice and the other of broth, waited for her. Seeing that the food had not spoiled, Iruka dumped the tea but put the two bowls in the oven to be reheated. The kettle on the stove was re-filled and reheated, and after 20 minutes Iruka sat at the table with a fresh cup of tea and a light breakfast.

Predictably, drawn by the smell of food, Naruto joined her still half-asleep and dragging the blanket behind him.

"Ohaiyo," Iruka greeted.

"'Haiyo," the blond muttered and yawned.

Iruka grinned and stood, ruffling his hair as she moved past him to get him some food of his own. Once she returned to her seat, she opened her mouth to speak - and was oh, so rudely interrupted by her two of her best friends barging through her front door.

_Seriously. It's like I don't even keep it _locked.

"Ruka-cchi!" Izumo and Kotetsu stumbled over to the table and froze upon seeing her. "What happened," Kotetsu demanded.

"You look like shit," Izumo supplied helpfully.

She rolled her eyes. "Gee, thanks. Really, guys, I'm fine -"

"Ruka-sensei fell down las' night," Naruto supplied, mouth full of rice.

Iruka glared at him in betrayal.

"You _fell_?" Izumo clarified.

"Jiji said she hurt too bad," the little, blond gaki continued, "an' her body 'gave out'. I had t' go find help," he added gravely.

Used to Naruto's terms of endearment, Izumo asked, "The Hokage?" at the same time Kotetsu questioned, "_Find help_?"

Chopsticks clenched in her hands and sick of the topic, Iruka interrupted. "Yes, the Hokage. I've been ordered - _by the Hokage_ \- to undergo some new training. A large portion of it is endurance training, so I'm not allowed to treat any but the most serious injuries I've received. This leaves me tired, and sore, and yes, I fell last night because it all caught up to me. Naruto-kun was over, and he went to find help, and he brought back Hatake-san -" The two men winced in sympathy, "who sent Naruto-kun back out to get the Hokage. Sandaime-sama checked me over, made sure I was comfortable, and left Naruto-kun and I to sleep. _That's_ what happened."

Her friends eyed her, arms crossed over their chests. Kotetsu spoke first, voice dry. "New training, ne?"

Iruka bristled. "It's _true_, dammit!" All at once she slumped in on herself, forehead resting on the table and shoulders slumping with exhaustion. "Gomen," she muttered into the wood. "I'm just really tired; it's been non-stop for two weeks, and I still have a ways to go."

She heard someone sigh, and then one hand from each older male was settling either on her head or back. "It's fine," Izumo assured gently, voice pitched in the way he knew to soothe her. "If this is orders from the Hokage, then it's not like you can say no. Just - We're here for you, alright? Whatever you need, whenever you need it - we're here."

Iruka thought back to the memories she had been reliving, but instead of the fear and the pain, she recalled three genin standing together, fighting for each other, and finding comfort in each other when there was otherwise none. She lifted her head enough to see them, a desperate sort of hope and gratitude nearly overwhelming her. "Always?" she whispered.

Izumo smiled, and Kotetsu swooped in to wrap his arms around her shoulders. "Always," the blackette mumbled in her ear.

"Always," Izumo agreed.

And for them, _with_ them, Iruka knew she could survive.

* * *

**Age 18 - Mole(s)**

Iruka looked up from the barrier seal she was modifying at the light knock on her window - an ANBU. With a sigh she capped her inkwell and left the scroll to dry on her living room floor, shrugging into her chunin vest, stepping into her sandals, and locking the door on her way out.

She was led to T&I.

"Iruka-san," Ibiki greeted once she was in his office.

"Ibiki-san," she replied politely, a touch of honest warmth to her smile; Iruka liked the man, she really did - she just regretted the _reason_ they were friends.

Two men slipped through the door as she blinked and came to stand to her left. Both were taller than her by three inches at the most, and both stared stoically ahead. Iruka, naturally observant but _especially_ so since beginning her training (almost a painful level of hyper-awareness), immediately noted the differences of the shinobi beside her.

And not just the differences between the men themselves - she saw the differences she _shared_ with them, the differences that set them apart from Ibiki behind his desk or the civilians in the streets.

The man closest to her had dark skin, maybe five shades darker than her own. His hair, however, was a light, storm grey-blue (worn in a low tail that brushed just between his shoulder blades), and his eyes were chips of blue midnight. He wore a standard ANBU uniform sans mask, and he had a similar build to Iruka.

The second man shared that build, though he was closer to Iruka's height, and his skin was the same golden tan as Naruto's. His hair was the same shade as his companion's but longer, tied back in a braid that ended mid-back; his eyes were the clear blue-white of a winter sky. He glanced at her and offered a slight smile.

"Ibiki-san?" Iruka asked in confusion, eyes taking in the foreign coloring, dread pooling in her gut. _I don't like where this is going_.

"These two men are Kohu Hamono and Kohu Shuugeki. They are brothers who came from Kumo seeking sanctuary. Their okaasan was a civilian medic from Kumo and their otousan a minor nukenin from Kiri."

She _really_ didn't like where this was going.

"Hamono-san and Shuugeki-san have been in my care for 19 months under which time they underwent the same training as you in order to become a part of I&I." Ibiki turned his focus to all of them. "Now that Iruka-san has completed her own training -" Two pairs of eyes fell on her in surprise, and Iruka flushed without ever taking her eyes off of her superior, "all three of you will be participating in a top-secret project only the Hokage and myself know about."

All three straightened reflexively, and the head of T&I smiled grimly.

"The moment you leave this office, you will all be honorary members of ANBU. You will receive the tattoo and mask, but you will not be on official record, and you will not take regular missions. Your focus is on infiltration and intelligence exclusively. You answer to me directly or the Hokage should the matter be of great enough importance. Due to being only honorary ANBU, you will be registered as non-ANBU members of I&I, and you will take missions both as your mask and not. You will be expected to maintain training befitting your ANBU level, and should an emergency befall the village, you may be called on as ANBU."

By now Ibiki was standing, arms folded across his chest, planted across the desk from them. He let out a breath that might have been a sigh, and one hand came up to swipe tiredly at his face.

"What you are about to be apart of is new. It is an experiment, one Sandaime-sama and I wish was not necessary. What you will be called on to do will be beyond the normal scope of the missions your fellow I&I - even the other ANBU - will take on, and you _cannot_ afford to fail _any_ of your missions. It will be the most painful, and stressful, and dangerous thing you ever do - dangerous physically, but also dangerous mentally and emotionally. This," he informed them seriously, "is why there are three of you.

"Outside of this room, no one knows that you three specifically are behind the mask. No one will know your identities, not as I&I operatives and definitely not as ANBU. I know how risky this is, especially since you three show promise."

He eyed them thoughtfully for a moment.

"Your training was harsh - bordering on insane. It is not standard I&I training. In fact, it is 10 times harder. You will continue to be put through training worse than that, but it will keep you alive. That is _my_ job in this experiment: to keep you all alive and stable. You three now know each others' faces. Outside of the Hokage, the only people you are allowed to speak to of this project are in this room."

Another moment, and Ibiki seemed to make up his mind. From a drawer in his desk he pulled out a scroll, and from the scroll he unsealed three masks.

"Identical, Ibiki-san?" the midnight-eyed one asked, voice heavy.

"Hai. This is what sparked the idea for this little experiment in the first place."

In Iruka's mind, something clicked, and she couldn't help the surprised "Oh!" that escaped. "There has never been identical masks in any village's ANBU," she said out loud, brain whirling a hundred miles a minute. "Hokage-sama and you want to see if having more than one mask given to people of similar abilities will allow for more gathered intelligence and more secrecy." She blinked, something like excitement bubbling in her chest. "That's - That's _fantastic_!"

Ibiki shot her a wry - slightly amused - glance that did absolutely nothing. "Yes, thank you, Iruka-san. However," he continued in the same vein as before, "that is _exactly_ why we are trying this." He picked up a mask and held it out to the boy with winter-sky eyes who took it without hesitation. The second mask was delivered in the same manner. When the final mask was presented to Iruka, she only hesitated a second before taking the smooth porcelain.

She studied the red markings. "I don't - I don't recognize this animal," Iruka frowned. "A rodent of some kind, I think, but there's already Mouse, Squirrel, Rat, and Rabbit, and this looks equally dissimilar to all of them."

Sky-eyes straightened with delight. "Ah! Mole, perhaps? I saw one for the first time after coming to Hi no Kuni, and it looked something like this."

Iruka blinked and squinted at the face of the mask. "If you say so," she allowed unconvincingly. "I mean, if you kinda look at it sideways with one eye more closed than the other and _squint_ -"

Ibiki snorted and whacked her upside the head, but Iruka was laughing and grinning (lying through her teeth). "Yes, _thank you_, Iruka-san, for your input. But yes, Shuugeki-san, you three will be ANBU designation Mole." He quirked a heavy brow. "Rather ironic, ne?"

"Maa, maa," Iruka dismissed lightly. "We already know you're clever, Ibiki-san," She turned serious, "but what aren't you telling us?"

He sighed and sat on the edge of the desk. "Trust you to cut to the heart of the problem," he mumbled before straightening and facing them squarely. "Shuugeki-san, Hamono-san, you were not here in Konoha to know this, but Iruka-san, you may have heard of Root?"

The chunin frowned. "The Foundation? _Danzo_-sama's Foundation? It was disbanded, wasn't it? At the end of Sandaime-sama's reign."

"... Do I want to know how you know all that _S-rank secret_ info?"

She flushed and scratched at her scar. "Ah, no?"

Ibiki sighed again, this time more in exasperation at her familiar antics. "Fine. I'll let that go. But yes, Iruka-san is correct. Danzo-sama started Root as a branch of the ANBU. They were given different training and were meant to operate solely from the shadows as Danzo-sama took on the more… _unsavory_ aspects of running a hidden village. However, Danzo-sama began to involve himself in things that were _not_ for the good of the village, and so Sandaime-sama had Root disbanded shortly before he chose Namikaze Minato as his successor." He paused. "However. In recent months I have come to suspect that Root was never truly disbanded, only paused for a short while. I have evidence, what little there is, but I will not at this time divulge it to you. I'm telling you this because you three, as Mole, will be the counter-play to Root. Danzo will not know anything more about you than he already does, and he will never know the identities of Mole - or even that Mole is more than one person. You are being set up to be the most successful operatives Konoha has ever known, and you _cannot_ blow it. Am I understood?"

"Hai!" they snapped out simultaneously.

He nodded. "Good. Now, I will leave you three to become more familiar with each other. When I return, I will take you to receive your tattoo and to be properly outfitted as both ANBU and I&I agents." Ibiki stood and left the room, door closing silently behind him.

Iruka stared at the mask in her hands. _I can't believe it_, she thought numbly. _I'm - I'm an ANBU!_ She knew that chunin were made ANBU if not frequently, then regularly enough that it was no great shock. But for _her _to be counted among that number…?

The sound of a throat being cleared brought her back to reality, and when she turned it was to find both men watching her. Sky-eyes stepped forward and bowed. "Allow me to introduce myself: I am Kohu Shuugeki, and this is my older brother Kohu Hamono."

She returned the bow with a smile. "I'm Umino Iruka." When she straightened she asked, "Why did you come to Konoha?"

"The same reason listed in your family's file," Shuugeki replied nonchalantly. "Asylum." Upon seeing her expression of suspicion he placated, "Ibiki-san had us read your file and the files of your parents. He said it would be easier than making you talk about it."

Iruka smiled wanly. "Well, he wasn't wrong. How old are you both?"

"20," Shuugeki answered, "and niisan is 23."

"You look the same age."

"Good genes," he shrugged, and she smirked.

"At least some people get them; _I_ obviously didn't."

Shuugeki frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I don't _look_ like a girl, now do I?" Iruka's tone was just this side of bitter. "Believe me, this isn't all a disguise. This is pretty much exactly how I look all the time."

He raised a mocking eyebrow. "You mean stick-thin and swimming in your chunin vest?"

Like the mature 18 year old she was, Iruka stuck out her tongue making Shuugeki laugh and Hamono roll his eyes.

"Children, both of you," he murmured, but it wasn't said meanly.

"And proud of it," she grinned. She stuck out her hand. "Call me Iruka. If we're gonna be working so closely together from here on out, then we might as well be friends about it."

Shuugeki happily shook her hand, Hamono following with the ghost of a smile on his lips.

"So. What do you guys specialize in?"

* * *

_So. Many. Thoughts. That I can't remember, lol. Since I wrote these a little while ago and didn't intend to post them here, I can't really remember what I was gonna say about these chapters. Um, if you have any questions about any Japanese words don't hesitate to ask since I most likely am not using a common form of the word (I try to avoid that, but.). Also, if something confused you in general, I know I had a hard time explaining some things, so don't hesitate to ask._

_I think I mention this somewhere else, but Iruka has always had two other partners; now you finally get to meet them. Hamono means 'edged blade' and Shuugeki means 'storming'. The brothers did choose those names themselves after running from Kumo. Let me know if you'd like to see more of them! _

_The I&I division is something I totally made up, but I thought it made sense that T&I would have a group of shinobi who specialize in infiltration and gathering the intel that T&I uses. _

_The Mole designation for those three was done on purpose for the irony, in case you were wondering ;)_

_I honestly can't think of anything else. Oh! Wait, there's a review from a guest I'd like to respond to, so I hope you see it: Thank you for your review :) I try really hard to keep this story - and any other story I write - realistically dark while still maintaining its quality._

_A huge thank you to everyone who has read, liked, followed, and reviewed me, this story, or both! You guys are all amazing, and I love hearing from you. I would like a beta, so please leave a comment or pm me if you're interested. _

_See ya in two weeks! :D_


	13. Age 23 - Mizuki's Betrayal

_Hey, y'all :) Sorry this is a day late, but things in my town have been a little crazy, and it's affected my schedule lol. Please catch the A/N at the end for Important Stuff (lol)._

_**Warnings**: rape, abuse, noncon drugs, OCs, my terrible writing_

_This is a serious chapter. The warnings are real, and while things aren't necessarily **graphic**__I din't bother to hide or sugarcoat what is happening. I mentioned this is in the beginning I think, but I myself have not been through this, so I can't know how accurate this is. I tried my best to accurately represent the emotions and responses involved realistically, but if there's something you think should be added let me know. _

_Please, if any of those things trigger you, don't read this chapter. I wanted to have a bit more angst to draw on when I finally get around to the main arc of the story, but that doesn't mean that I want you guys to suffer for it. _

* * *

She remembered coming home and setting down her bag. She flipped the lightswitch with her elbow as she juggled paperwork and divesting herself of her chunin jacket; the papers made a satisfying _thwack_ on the kotatsu as she made her way into the kitchen and set a pot of water to boil. While she waited, she unwound the bandages around her legs to free the bottoms of her pants. She entered the bedroom; there was a short spike of adrenaline as she dodged in one direction to avoid a projectile - and a prick of pain where the senbon found its mark. Iruka had ducked right into a trap.

She remembered the sedative taking effect - a sort of tingling sensation in her limbs that turned to totally coherent paralysis. It was mild enough to keep her awake and aware, but she kept losing snatches of the time that blurred in and out of focus.

Mizuki was there. He had done this. She remembered his leer, and then his surprise when he removed her clothes and saw the bindings around her chest (and the lack of a certain _something_ in her pants). She remembered his anger, the pain as he beat her for her lies.

She remembered shutting down right before he raped her.

The next thing she remembered was waking up on the floor of her bedroom with fluids drying on her battered body. She was naked, but she had been in this position before, and she was a survivor even if she was nothing else (not even free). She stood, avoided looking at the mess on the floor, and swallowed her bile as she wiped herself down with a damp rag. She tugged on her uniform and dashed out the door because there was a hawk summoning her to her Hokage (her shoulder burned, too, but the presence of the hawk told her to come as Iruka, not as Mole).

Naruto was in danger. Her body was still fighting the last dregs of the sedative, and her reactions were dulled with pain (she was fighting back the memories, the horror, until she was alone and could treat her injuries herself; there was no reason for anyone to know her shame), but she hid it, and she ran, because she knew Mizuki, and she knew Naruto, and she knew that witless jinchuuriki and possible traitors simply didn't mix.

She remembered the cold.

(_It's cold. It's cold, just like it always is this far north. Her mission is infiltrate a growing camp of dissatisfied Iron Country citizens. Konoha's spymaster has delivered a secret missive to the Hokage stating that Iron's shogun is fearful of this band creating unrest and disturbing the local government. If left unchecked, this band could overwhelm the shogun's samurai. Why? Because this particular band happens to be full of immigrants partially trained in the shinobi arts. And, as all leaders know, it is those only partially trained that can be the most dangerous._

_So, her mission is to infiltrate the camp, figure out their intentions, and gather enough information to incriminate certain individuals and discredit their malcontent against the shogun. Then she is to kill every man, woman, and child in that camp and leave without a trace of her ever being there. _

_And she does it. She does it because she has to, yes, but she also does because, if it were her, she would rather be killed by someone who cared enough to remember her name and story afterwards, someone who was human enough to feel remorse - and she would rather it be her to carry this burden than anyone else._

_Iruka slaughters them, and along with the crimson blood steaming on the snow, what she remembers most is the cold.)_

Adrenaline and fear - fear for Naruto, fear for her village, fear of failing - flash-froze the blood in her veins, and she was numb with cold. There was dark amusement at Mizuki's shock when he saw her and more pain as she took the fuuma shuriken meant for Naruto in her back followed by vague recollections of tricking Mizuki and standing up for the student that had become one of her most treasured people. There was a sea of orange, another stretch of wishy-washy time, and then she was graduating Uzumaki Naruto just as sensation in her body was restored fully and her heart ached with pride. He embraced her, and she held him tightly - for all she was worth (it wasn't much, but she hoped it was enough).

"Ruka?" Naruto pulled back slightly, nose wrinkled as he sniffed the air. "Ruka, ya smell funny - kinda like Mizuki-yarou an' blood. Are ya 'kay, Ruka?"

All of her hurts barreled into her at once, and Iruka felt tears begin to pool in her eyes and slip down her cheeks.

Naruto panicked. "Ruka?!" His little hands cupped her cheeks and frantically tried to stem the flowing tears. Her own fingers wrapped around his wrists, and she leant forward until her forehead rested against his chest, and she sobbed silently; the hitching of her breath was the only indication - besides the tears - that she was crying at all. Her fingers slid from his wrists.

Stunned, Naruto wrapped his arms around her head as if in a daze, mind tripping and stumbling at a million miles a minute. Then, as if by magic, he recalled a situation a long, long time ago, before Iruka, when he had been cornered by a very drunk villager who had tried to do very, very bad things to him before a nice ANBU rescued him. And something clicked.

"That _bastard_," he growled, and Iruka could feel it through his delicate ribs.

_He really needs to eat more_, she thought absently.

"I'll _kill_ 'im fer what he's done t'ya, Ruka, _dattebayo_." His catchphrase, usually shouted exuberantly, sent a chill down her spine at the absolute _malice_ that it trembled with, and for the second time that night she felt her - brother, ward, precious person, son - emit an underdeveloped - yet still potent - Killing Intent.

"Naruto," she gasped weakly, hands twisting in his jacket as she forced herself to look up at him, "Naruto, please, don't. You can't."

"Like _hell_ I can't! Ruka, he r-"

"I _know_," she sobbed, and her grip tightened. "I _know_, Naruto, but _I'm not worth it_. You could lose your genin status, everything you've worked so _hard_ for, and _I'm not worth that_ \- I'm not worth your dreams, Naruto. _Please_."

He stared down at her, the anger in his eyes fading as he did, and once again she found her arms full of excitable blond. "But you _are_ worth it, Ruka," he protested; his voice was muffled by her vest. "You're worth my _life_, 'cause yer one o' my precious people, dattebayo."

And abruptly the numbing cold was gone, and in its place was the fond, healing warmth Iruka had learned to associate with her boy. "_Naruto_," she whispered, and they clung to each other as if they were all that was left in the world.

That was how the ANBU found them, and it was shortly after that Iruka remembered no more.

* * *

Mole stood in front of cell 427 (meaning it was the 27th cell of the fourth sub-level of the T&I holding facility), mind empty of all emotion and thought save for a single, burning question.

"Why?"

Mizuki's head shot up to face the speaker, and Mole regarded him with calm disinterest. A sneer marred his features. "Why? Why _what_, ANBU-_san_?

They could start simple, Mole supposed. "Why did you betray Konoha?"

At this he snorted. "Because Konohagakure is _weak_. You're all afraid to search for _true_ power, and this has made you complacent."

Mole cocked their head. "Konohagakure remains the strongest single hidden village in any of the shinobi nations. We serve our daimyo loyally, and Hi no Kuni has flourished with our service."

The traitor looked angry at the calm way the ANBU was reasoning with them, so Mole switched tactics; there was no reason to do Ibiki-san's job for him. "Why did you hurt the chunin?"

Now, _this_ was more of a personal question, but Mole blamed the emotional upset of the previous few hours for the imbalance currently in between their identities. In any case, Mizuki's anger turned to disbelief and then amusement. "Iruka?" He laughed. "Does everyone know, then, what I did to her? How I ripped the truth of her greatest secret from her body while she was drugged and incoherent?" His eyes glazed with remembered pleasure. "I'm not even straight, but that... _That_ was the best sex I've ever had."

A thin, detached thread of anger floated through Mole's mind, but they pushed it away. "I am the only one who knows of Umino's condition," was all they said, but it wiped the pleasure from the monsters face and replaced it with disgust.

"Iruka was always a weak coward - and a liar. I wish I had tainted that sedative so that she would have _died_ before she could interfere."

Mole studied him in silence for a long, awkward moment before simply turning and walking away. A few steps down the hall, another ANBU swooped from the shadows to their side and walked with them. "Tortoise," Mole greeted.

"Mole," Tortoise replied solemnly with a small nod. Another ANBU joined them in the next corridor. "Hound," Tortoise welcomed before turning back to Mole. "What did you learn?"

This would be information given before the submission of an official report, but Mole _knew_ Tortoise, knew they could be trusted, and Hound was _Hound_. Mole offered a slight nod to Hound who returned it. "The prisoner shows signs of mental instability as well as murderous intent towards fellow chunin Umino Iruka. He does not seem repentant, and his defection was premeditated." Mole was Mole for a reason - the gathering of information _was_ that reason.

Hound spoke. "Umino-san disappeared from his hospital room shortly after being delivered. Hokage-sama reports that Umino-san is with him in debriefing."

"What of Umino-san's injuries?" Tortoise questioned. "Boar-san reports they were rather extensive."

"Not life-threatening," Hound shrugged, and Mole remained silent. "Cat-kohai reports that the medics treated the worst of the injuries to some extent before he disappeared."

Tortoise hummed but said no more. The three ANBU entered Morino Ibiki's office where he waited with Snake, Tora, Hyena, and Lion.

"I want to know exactly how this all happened," the T&I head growled.

"The traitor tricked Uzumaki Naruto into stealing Yondaime's kinjutsu scroll from Sandaime-sama's office," Mole reported robotically. "Once informed of the theft, Umino Iruka guessed where Mizuki would instruct the jinchuuriki to meet him and took off on his own. Uzumaki-kun and Umino-san were able to apprehend the traitor Mizuki and secure the scroll."

"Umino-san was injured," Tortoise added gravely, "though not lethally."

"How did no one notice anything sooner?" Ibiki demanded.

Hound replied, "Uzumaki-kun is well known for his inherent stealth when it comes to traps and tricks. He pulled from this to sneak into the Hokage's office and steal the scroll."

Mole felt their fingers twitch. "If I may, Ibiki-san." Their superior nodded. "In the case of no one noticing Mizuki's disloyalty sooner, it is conceivable that his occupation as a teacher at the Academy and his association with Umino-san, who is known to be close to Sandaime, could have served to free him of suspicion." They had thought a lot about this in the last few hours; it plagued their thoughts, how Iruka might have made this even possible simply by being _friends_ with someone.

Ibiki sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I expect a full report from each of you on my desk by morning. Dismissed." Every operative shunshin-ed from the room - except for Mole, who knew their role well enough. Ibiki took a moment to shuffle some papers on his desk before looking up at the ANBU with a blank gaze. "Unmask and report."

Mole reached up and removed the porcelain mask, and Umino Iruka hung the mask from her waist. "Mizuki claims he wanted power," she informed him, "and that Konoha was too weak. I didn't pry, but my gut says that there's some outside benefactor, someone that Mizuki wanted to join - someone with 'power'. His actions were premeditated despite him showing signs of insanity; he very clearly knew what he was doing the entire time." The _entire_ time.

The interrogator-extraordinaire studied her, face stoic and unreadable. "Tortoise says you were injured. I want a _full_ report, Umino."

Iruka sighed and allowed herself to slump slightly, back sending constant signals of pain. "May I at least sit down, sir?"

He didn't hesitate to nod, and Iruka sat in the only other piece of furniture in the room: an uncomfortable metal chair more suited to the interrogation chambers than an office.

She kept her voice level. "I returned home at approximately 1723 hours. I took off my jacket, set water to boil, and entered my room where Mizuki was waiting. He caught me by surprise and drugged me with a mild sedative. Mizuki proceeded to undress me, beat, me and rape me. Due to the drugs and pain, I remember very little, and I blacked out before he was finished. I woke almost two hours later and redressed just in time to be summoned by the Hokage along with the other chunin and jounin to be informed of the theft of the scroll. Knowing Naruto and Mizuki like I do, I had a suspicion of where they might be, and I arrived just in time to prevent serious injury from befalling the jinchuuriki and to aid in the traitor's capture. I took a fuuma shuriken in the back during the fight and passed out from pain and blood loss just before ANBU arrived. They delivered me to the hospital where I was put under basic treatment before I once again awoke and made my way to the Hokage's office to report and join the ANBU units for clean-up and interrogation."

Much to Iruka's surprise, Ibiki looked slightly pained. "Iruka," he said almost gently, "no one knows what he did, do they."

The chunin-ANBU shook her head in silent shame. "Well," she amended, praying she was making the right call, "Naruto does, but he guessed the truth before I could deny it. I…" Her chest constricted. "He's waiting for me at my apartment, I think; it's normal, and since he knows…" The vice tightened, and her next words came out small, pleading, and disappointingly weak. "This doesn't count as a mission, right, Ibiki-san? I mean, I don't - You don't have to…"

Ibiki's pained expression deepened into almost overwhelming sympathy. "No, Iruka, I don't. I believe you've suffered enough for your village tonight."

A retort fled to the tip of her tongue, and she knew that Ibiki knew it, but she held it back; it wouldn't do for a slave to talk back to one of its masters.

"You'll have to be treated, Iruka."

"People will ask questions." The thought of having to admit what had been done to her didn't faze her like it should - and only then her friends would _know_ what all that medication meant, and she didn't want their pity or their sympathy (or their empathy, in the case of Izumo and Kotetsu). No, she couldn't bear that thought. _I've been doing this for too long_.

"You have a possible mission in a week," Ibiki replied, the pained expression gone (hidden). "You _must_ be in full form by then, and healing naturally will take too long. If you truly don't wish to reveal your identity, there is an ANBU with enough training to treat you; for the most part he is able to treat without discovering the identity of his patient, and even in extenuating circumstances he keeps silent as the grave."

Iruka silently deliberated for almost a minute even though she already knew her all, she had no choice. "Where do I find him?"

* * *

Iruka stood at the door of one of the many housing units inside the ANBU barracks. Many ANBU had only a temporary place in the barracks to stay when they were on duty, but there were some who were ANBU only and lived there full-time. Mole did not have a room.

Cat did.

She knocked on the door wondering if she should have adopted her ANBU persona when she replaced her mask, then dismissed the idea as she was too exhausted and in too much pain to truly care.

The door opened to reveal Cat who stepped silently to the side to let her in and closed the door behind her. "Ibiki-san informed me you would be coming," he stated simply, and she nodded. "What injuries have you sustained?"

Iruka, despite her training, found herself hesitating. "... Rape, followed allowed immediately by a battle, and my identity is too secret for me to be treated at the hospital."

He nodded and motioned her to follow; he led her into a back room which turned out to be almost a fully-stocked hospital to itself. There was a bed; a crash cart; a heart monitor; various high-end instruments; a corner converted into a lab; a stock of medicines, anesthesia, vaccines, antidotes, and other various drugs; and of course an extensive and fully-stocked medical kit. "You will have to undress," he informed her. "You may keep your mask on if you wish, but should you choose to remove it, I will remove mine as well."

The chunin-ANBU was shocked at the consideration. There was only a minute hesitation this time before she removed her mask; she thought she sensed her companion's slight surprise, and then his own mask was gone.

"You may call me Yamato."

"... I'm Iruka."

His black eyes never wavered. "... Everyone believes both you and your mask are male."

"It's for my protection."

He hummed. "Of course…. I am the one who took you to the hospital."

"... Oh."

Another hum then, "Please undress and lay down on the bed."

Iruka did as she was told.

Yamato, it turned out, was incredibly skilled at iryojutsu and more advanced medical practices. He was stoic, but he was also gentle and kind in his own way. When he was done treating her, Yamato turned his back to let her change and busied himself with cleaning up. Iruka had just replaced her mask and was preparing to leave when he turned back to face her, eyes a little shy but honest.

"Umino Iruka," he declared, "you are very strong. You are strong and extremely talented, and should you ever be in need, you are welcome to speak to me."

Her heart thumped pleasantly in her chest - _Alive, alive, alive_ \- and Iruka found herself almost teasingly asking, "Why, Yamato-san, are you saying you'd like to be my friend?"

He blinked - and then the corners of his lips lifted. "Yes; I think I am."

Iruka bowed, floored for just a moment. "Arigato," she said sincerely. "I would love to be your friend." The chunin-ANBU straightened and added, "But that road goes both ways; my door is always open to you, day or night, Yamato-san."

Yamato nodded and walked Iruka to the door, and the last she saw of him was his smile before his mask was replaced.

* * *

She was only in her apartment long enough to change from her ANBU uniform into her soft, grey sweats; a black T-shirt she had stolen from Izumo back in the day; and the khaki utility jacket that had once been her father's. Her hitai-ate was now on Naruto's forehead, but she left her sandals in a disorganized pile and her hair down as she jumped lightly from her windowsill onto the roof of her apartment. From there she raced to the training grounds.

Her chakra was suppressed just enough to match the background hum of the trees and surrounding vegetation rendering her invisible to sensors and any average nin close enough to otherwise sense her.

From the training grounds she padded silently across the damp soil (it must have sprinkled while she was in T&I HQ) with her hands shoved deep in her pockets and mind lost deep in thought.

Iruka loved the rainy season. Hi no Kuni was known for its rather temperate climate, and Konoha especially was not prone to snow or intense heat, but the rainy season was something the other nations envied (save for Kiri and Ame for obvious reasons). Everything always smelled so fresh and green, and, surrounded by so much water, Iruka felt _alive_ again. It was like a weight removed from her chest so she could breathe, or a sense of wholeness in her soul as her very blood sang to the outside moisture.

Now, bare feet sinking into the damp loam and skin slightly clammy with the cool humidity, Iruka felt a little at peace.

She wandered for a time until sunrise, when the golden light of morning split through the grey clouds and gilded dew-spun leaves. At this point Iruka realized she was no longer in any of the training grounds; instead she was deep in the forest within the wall, beyond the training grounds and in a rather familiar clearing.

"Iruka?"

The tight reign she had on her chakra signature was released, and sense unfurled through her. Shuugeki stepped away from the treeline behind her, and Hamono, perched in a tree, leapt down lightly to stand behind his brother. Iruka turned to face them; she could feel their concern, but she herself was empty, devoid of emotion.

Shuugeki's face fell. "Oh, Iruka." He quickly strode toward her and buried her in an embrace.

Blue hair flashed through her mind, and for a second all Iruka could see was Mizuki as he hovered over her. She stiffened.

"Iru?"

But this wasn't Mizuki. The chunin relaxed but didn't return the embrace and instead settled for leaning most of her exhausted weight on her partner. "'S okay," she slurred tiredly, but her voice pinched with emotion, and tears welled. "'M _okay_."

And she was crying. Shuugeki hummed in sympathetic distress and began ricking her gently from side to side; Hamono came up behind her and rested a hand on her shoulder. "Ibiki-san sent us to find you," the elder brother informed her softly, "though he did not say why."

Her sobs hitched, and her arms uncurled from their protective position around herself so that her hands could fist in Shuugeki's shirt.

"... He _did_ tell us that Mizuki turned traitor."

Another hitched sob, and her legs buckled beneath her. "Woah, easy there," Shuugeki soothed as he gently lowered her to the ground and settled her sideways in his lap. "We got you. We got you."

A bubble of gratefulness swelled in her. As much as she loved Izumo and Kotetsu, as much as she trusted them, Hamono and Shuugeki were her partners in _everything_; they understood her situation in ways her first brothers never could, and the level of trust between the three operatives was such that she had told them _everything_ \- about her kekkei genkai, about her family's true origins, everything. Hamono and Shuugeki knew more about her than any other person alive, and that sort of feeling… It was powerful. It made her feel safe, because she knew that they _understood_ her in a way that no one else could.

Shuugeki's arms tightened around her, but instead of offering comfort the action sent waves of pain through her body.

"Ah!" she gasped, and immediately her friends were pulling away.

"Iruka, what's wrong?!"

Hamono was suspicious - she could sense it - and it was only a moment later that he was lifting the back of her shirt to reveal the bandage soaked with blood. "You should not be mobile," he murmured darkly.

"H-Had to," she sniffled, eyes clenched against the pain. "Had t' save N-Naru-kun."

"At the expense of your own body? Iru-chi, I know you love the kid, but if you're out of commission then who's gonna take care of him -"

"I _know_," she sobbed. "I _know_, okay? But the fuuma shuriken was instinctive, and I was _already_ a victim when Sandaime summoned us -" Iruka hiccuped and sobbed again, this time burying her face in her hands.

A hand gently gripped her shoulder. "What do you mean," Hamono intoned. "_Tell me_."

Another sob. "Mi-Mizuki. He - He a-ambushed me in my apartment an' 'e - an' e' _r-raped_ me. _Kami_ I was s-such an idiot. He b-beat me, an' then he took me on my bedroom f-floor. An' then - then I confronted him as Mole in his cell, asked him _w-why_ -" And had received no satisfactory answer because evil and insanity knew no reason.

Iruka keened. She _hurt_, in her body, in her heart, in her _mind_ because she was _always_ the victim, that was the part she played for the village - but this hadn't even been a _mission_. This had been the conscious choice of someone she had once viewed as a friend, someone she had at least _trusted_ because they were comrades, and shouldn't that _mean_ something?

"Oh, Ru." Shuugeki embraced her from behind, and even Hamono, usually so reserved, guided her head to rest on his shoulder as she cried.

They said nothing else, only held her.

She said nothing else, only cried.

Nothing _needed _to be said; after all, they were all soldiers, slaves, survivors first and foremost, and if not shinobi then nothing - not even free.

They understood what it was to be betrayed.

* * *

_Alright. My page crashed and I lost all of the A/N I already had written here. Which was all of it. Ugh. _

_So. Basically I was ranting about COVID-19. It's not in my town yet, but there are confirmed cases in the counties next door. I know that this is a little scary, and I understand that some of you might be reading this from infected areas. For that, even if you're not religious, please know that I'm praying for all of you and that I hope you all stay safe. _

_(As an aside, please don't buy all the tp and masks. The hospitals legitimately need the masks, and masks do nothing against the COVID-19. Furthermore, if you're going to buy something, buy food. But not all of it, b/c I can promise that you will not be in quarantine for a year like so many people seem to think. My family needs food, too. And so do my neighbors. And so do people all over the world. Also, buy soap. Sanitizer kills 99.9% of germs/bacteria/viruses. Warm water and soap for 20 seconds kills 100% of all those things.) _

_In the end, be smart, 'cause I know you all are, and stay safe :)_

_For the actual story, please let me know what you think. This isn't the original version I had of this or even the idea that I really wanted to run with, but eh. I do what I can. _

_Can you guys who the ANBU are? Let me know in the comments. _

_Thank you to everyone for reading this :) Oh! One last thing:_

_**IMPORTANT:** Thanks to COVID-19, my university is going to online classes, and I have to catch up anyway. So, since everything just became a bazillion times harder, I will be updating in 3 weeks instead of two. Maybe. It might be 4 weeks, so if you don't see anything in 3 weeks then you'll see me in 4. Hopefully I'll have finished the Wave Arc by then, too. Also, just so you're aware, after the Wave Arc has been completely posted, I will be going on hiatus in order to write the second half of the story. But that won't be for a few more months, so don't worry :)_

_Thank you so much! Please don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe. And good luck! :)_


	14. Special: Age ? - Even Dream

_Sorry, this is not an update per say - just another special that I whipped up within an hour because I've been going stir-crazy in my room as I try to write the rest of this story. Ugh. No warnings. However, this is based off of a prompt that NaNoWriMo gave. They're doing a special week of prompts because of the virus, and my Discord group shared the link. Since FFNet hates links, just google 'nanowrimo stayhomewrimo'. You should be able to find it pretty quick. More notes on the chapter at the end :)_

_Prompt: Write about a character who is stuck inside. How do they feel about it? Why are they there?_

* * *

Iruka woke up that morning questioning her life. It wasn't a blatant questioning - more a subtle discontent. There was this knot in her chest that refused to loosen.

She went through her day normally: she went to the Academy, taught her classes, oversaw detentions, graded papers, and went home to throw together a small meal for dinner. Naruto was off on some "boys only" camping trip that Izumo and Kotetsu had thrown together for the night, so there was no blond terror to expect. It was… quiet. Lonely.

As she ate her food, Iruka thought about that feeling still lodged in her chest. What could it be? What did it mean? What did it stem from?

Well, that last question was a little easier to answer. Her irritation grew every time she thought about her brothers and boy gone without her, as well as every time she'd thought about her career and life in general.

The feeling was not dissimilar to the mild worry and panic that one experienced when sinking into a mud pit for the first time in their life. Except, this pit didn't seem to end, and she was swallowed almost up the chin.

Iruka felt… _stuck_.

Izumo, Kotetsu, and Naruto were out having fun, and she was _stuck_ here, by herself, unable to go because of her duties.

She was a career chunin and Academy teacher, _stuck _in those ruts, unable to change because of her heritage.

Iruka was single, _stuck_ by herself, destined to live alone until she either died of old age or on some secret mission, unwilling to bring some poor man or raise once-dreamed children in the political quagmire of her life, unable to end that loneliness because of the Council.

There was no hope for change, no promise of respite. Umino Iruka led a drab, pointless existence that would never change - and she would be forever _stuck_.

She _hated_ it.

The chunin swallowed her mouthful of food, chopsticks clinking against the bowl as she set them down. Everything tasted like ash - even the air she breathed.

Desperate for _anything_, she moved to the window and threw it open. It was… better. Not perfect, but a silk breeze caressed her face and made her curtains dance, and the moon was full and bright set on its navy throne, and the sky was clear and dark to show off its glittering canopy of stars. She inhaled deeply of shadows and night-soil - and had to swallow back the rising tears.

An experienced hand pulled the leather tie from her hair letting it loose around her face, and she sat on the sill, one leg propped on the wood frame across from her and the other dangling out against the building. Then she closed her eyes.

She felt the breeze. It was soft with the warmth of the day but refreshing with the promise of night.

She saw the light. With her face turned up to the moon, bright silver-white filtered through her eyelids and dredged up distant, half-forgotten memories of moonlight reflecting off of sand dunes and glittering on calm seas (she could smell a mix of sand and brine, both scents free and invigorating and _alive_).

She taste-smelled dust from the streets and the evidence of other families and individuals partaking in their evening meal. There was a hint of the sky, too - the smell-taste of open space and clear air and _promise_.

And she heard _everything_: shinobi racing silently across rooftops, loners walking down empty streets, people talking in their apartments to each other - the rustle of the wind in the trees (like waves on the ocean, and Iruka saw a flash of even wider skies and endless horizons and unbroken promises).

One tear fell, and then another.

Iruka could not go to other homes, could not run to the trees, could not fly high into the sky and let the moon whisk her away into the velvet folds of earth's ceiling.

She was stuck there in her life and dingy apartment, and there was nothing she could do.

Even dream.

* * *

_Okay, so I kinda took that prompt two different ways. The first time I read it I was like, "Stuck inside? How can you be stuck inside yourself? What does that mean (aside from having a separate personality)?" Then I was like, duh, they mean 'stuck inside a building', you dimwit. _

_But the damage was already done: I had a THOUGHT. _

_The result is Iruka, of some undetermined age, realizing that not only is she physically stuck, but stuck metaphorically and emotionally as well. The emotional part is a bit more implied than I think I was originally going for, but if you understand it, then congratulations! You have managed to grasp what my puny brain is incapable of explaining in more overt terms. If not, then I apologize because I can't explain the thought thing my head did as I wrote this. _

_Oh! **IMPORTANT**: My university messed up our schedule, so in order to give me time to adjust to the ACTUAL thing they're making us do, I need to extend the date of the planned update by a week. So instead of the three weeks I said before, that's a total of four weeks. To put that in perspective, that should be not this week or the next but the week after that. So in three Thursdays. My Thursdays. Ugh. I hate timezones sometimes. _

_I'm sorry I have to do this! D'X _

_Thank you, as always, for reading this and putting up with my strange self and ideas. Stay safe!_


	15. Age 23 - Wave Arc pt 1

_I. Am so sick of this stupid arc. I've stared at the next installment just **waiting** for inspiration to strike, but nothing. Zilch. Nada. I might actually go crazy. But I decided you guys deserved this what with everything being so crazy and all. _

_Warnings: The usual stuff that applies to the other more mildly-angsty chapters in this fic_

_Enjoy!_

* * *

Iruka veritably snarled as she shoved her way into her parent's house; her school bag she left on the floor, and her chunin jacket and standard issue top left a trail to the dojo so that she was only in her binder, fishnet shirt, and pants by the time she attacked the training dummy. After a frustrating moment where she still felt a little claustrophobic, the tape around the bottom of her pants was flung uncaringly into a corner before she continued.

"Is everything alright?"

With a wild cry she turned and launched a kunai at the unwanted visitor - the Copy Nin, it seemed, was perched in one of the dojo's windows - who caught it and twirled it lazily around his fingers. "It's _none_," she fumed, "of your _business_."

He raised an eyebrow. "Your chakra has been spiking uncontrollably for the past 10 minutes; it's the business of any shinobi who can sense it."

Iruka's eyes narrowed dangerously, and her fists clenched by her sides, but just as she opened her mouth to scream at the infuriating jounin another voice cut her off.

"Senpai! I've been looking all over for you!" Tenzou appeared in the window right next to the Copy Nin's; his words might have been directed at the jounin, but Iruka didn't miss the way the feline ANBU's eyes appraised her discreetly. "You shouldn't bother Umino-san," Tenzou scolded. "Haven't you kept your genin waiting long enough?"

The Copy Nin sighed before flashing an eye-smile and two-fingered salute at the chunin. "Well, seems I must take my leave, Iruka-sensei. Ja ne!"

Tenzou waited a moment (to be sure his 'senpai', apparently, was gone) before he stepped lightly into the dojo, eyes full of concern. "Iruka-san? _Are_ you alright?"

"I'm _fine_," she bit out.

He arched an eyebrow. "Really? Because to me it seemed like you just almost started screaming at Kakashi while in a rather vulnerable position."

If her face could get any redder, it would have. "_Vulnerable_? What the _hell_ -"

"Iruka, your shirt is missing."

This got her to pause and glance down at herself; the angry flush turned into a mortified blush. "Oh, shit. Kakashi-sensei just saw me in my binder, didn't he?"

Tenzou nodded, then consoled, "Well, I'm not entirely sure he noticed. I mean, he _noticed_ \- he notices _everything_ \- but he's so used to thinking you're a 'he' that it most likely didn't even register that you're a 'she'. Kakashi-senpai probably just thought that you have an interesting style."

Iruka was pretty sure she wanted to die now, please.

"But really," her friend asked gently, "senpai did make a point; are you alright?"

The shaking started in her toes and made its way up her calves and into her knees, whereupon she was forced to carefully lower herself to the floor. Angry tears stung her eyes, and a desperate sort of sob almost choked her. "I need - I need Zumo and Tetsu," she whispered. "_Please_."

Tenzou nodded (not that she could see it) and took off. A short time later he returned with only one of her requested friends.

"Gomen, Ru," Kotetsu apologized as he hastily shed his jacket and sandals. "Zumo just left on a mission with Choumei-san, Tou-san, and Aoba-san; they aren't scheduled to return for a week." He settled down next to her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. "Hey," he soothed, "it's okay. Whatever it is, it's gonna be fine."

"They're sending me to Wave," she said, voice _just_ hitching with suppressed cries.

"Already?" he asked in astonishment. "But your last mission only ended a month ago!"

Iruka nodded and noticed from a distant place that her cheeks were wet. Another warmth settled next to her, and she blindly reached out a hand; Tenzou's fingers found hers and held on tightly. "I know," she gasped and leaned heavily against his chest. "I know, but the s-situation is getting desperate for them, and Sandaime thinks that they'll come to us for help; he doesn't want us to be caught off guard."

"I don't understand," Tenzou voiced quietly. "Forgive me, but what does this have to do with Iruka-san?"

Her breath hitched, and she pressed her face farther into Kotetsu's shoulder. The male chunin ran a soothing hand up and down her back. He gestured to the ANBU tattoo on display through her fishnet shirt and said dryly, "I'm sure you knew about this?"

And Tenzou's face paled. "You are not being sent as Iruka," he realized.

Mole's name was legendary amongst the ANBU divisions - almost as legendary as Hound himself, and just as mysterious. Mole wasn't called on for missions very often, though sometimes they just showed up at ANBU and performed the equivalent of "odd jobs", but there was never a mission that Mole was called on that they didn't complete. Their record was impeccable (not even Hound could say that), and it hadn't been long before they were notorious for the _types_ of mission they were called on (every now and then they needed a single backup - and shinobi, even ANBU, love to gossip): Mole went on infiltration missions only. Now, that doesn't seem too hard, but Mole _specialized_ in infiltration; they would go out, infiltrate the threat, gather as much information as they could (which was always a surprising amount), and then, if there was no way to disband the threat, they obliterated it. By themselves.

Rumors abounded over what Mole might endure on these missions, but all anyone really knew was that, after every single mission, Mole reported directly to Ibiki and was not seen again until they popped back up for another mission or "odd job".

But Tenzou had treated Mole after the last mission, and he knew what horrible things the ANBU survived, knew that it was common. He also knew that Iruka was Bat.

Something in him hardened. "Iruka, you cannot go on that mission," he said sternly. "As your acting physician, I will be telling the Hokage that you are still unfit for duty."

"Acting physician?" Kotetsu questioned incredulously.

"It's a recent thing," Iruka replied distractedly as she rounded on the jounin. "Excuse me, 'unfit for duty'? I'm perfectly capable of doing my _job_, thank you very much."

"Physically, yes," Tenzou argued, "but you aren't _emotionally_ recovered from your last mission."

"And how do _you_ know?" she snapped.

His inky black eyes were sad and solemn. "No one would be."

And just like that he had won; Iruka shuddered almost violently as memories of her last mission assaulted her, and she snuggled back up against her teammate.

Kotetsu hugged her close and asked carefully, "I know I'm not supposed to know her ANBU identity, but are her missions really that bad? I mean, Izumo, Genma, Raidou, and I all take care of her when she comes back from her missions, but I'm the only one who knows that she goes as ANBU some of the time; everyone else just thinks she's a bullied chunin."

"It's worse," Tenzou said quietly; one of his hands came to rest right above her ankle. "Since becoming her acting physician - I know both of her identities - I have been granted access to her files by Ibiki-san and the Hokage. Iruka isn't officially registered in the ANBU books despite having the tattoo; she will not be summoned for regular ANBU things, only for events or missions specific to her. Because she is not officially registered, if she is ever caught, Konoha can deny affiliation."

Iruka felt her brother stiffen as he caught on. "That means that R&R doesn't have to be sent after her if something goes wrong."

"They _can't_ be sent after her ANBU identity," Tenzou corrected, "because that is an official mission that leaves a paper trail that Iruka-san's ANBU identity can't afford. However, the Hokage can get around this by sending a team of elite jounin to retrieve _Umino Iruka_ if her mission goes bad." He sighed. "But yes; no matter the loophole, it leaves our friend very vulnerable should anything happen."

Anger trembled through Kotetsu's chest, and Iruka snuggled closer. "I's okay," she slurred sleepily. "'M used to it. A slave t' th' system, 'member?"

It was Kotetsu's turn to let out a sigh, and he pressed a kiss to her head. "I can never forget," he murmured. He looked back to the jounin. "Tenzou-san, I must respectfully request on Iruka's behalf that you do _not_ tell the Hokage that Iruka is unfit for duty. I know it's a lie," he continued before Tenzou could argue, "but… Let's just say that Iruka is the center of a very sticky political situation that renders her incapable of refusing a mission unless she's actually _physically_ unfit for duty. If she's being given a mission so soon, then she is desperately needed, and I know that no one can do what she does. Besides that, if she refuses, then she could be put on probation, court martialed, or even temporarily removed from active duty - perhaps even turned over to T&I. And it would all be legal."

Tenzou looked disgusted. "There is no loophole in the laws of Konohagakure that allows a citizen of this village or active, loyal shinobi to be abused in such a manner."

"That's just it," Kotetsu explained tiredly; he was sick of this topic. "I won't say anything else, but technically Iruka isn't a full citizen of Konohagakure, and the Councils are always calling into question her loyalty, so they can get away with doing anything to her."

The jounin paled, and his lips pressed into a thin line of absolute anger. "I think," he ground out, "that I will be speaking to Ibiki-san."

Kotetsu sighed. "If only it was that easy."

* * *

_Freak. Freakity freaking freakin' freak. I hate this arc so much. I just - I can't write it. I'm really trying, I swear, because there's a couple things that happen that are mildly important for later development. Ugh. I think I've almost hit a breakthrough, though, so. That's good, I guess?_

_The bad news is that I don't know when the next update will be. April-May is the last bit of classes for the semester, and I'm really, really struggling with how everything is set up now. Long story short, I have to choose between really focusing on this fic or focusing on school and work. Understandably, I've chosen the latter. At worst you won't hear from me for about month, but I will do my best to sneak some kind of update in before May 14 (last day of classes). It might not be the next chapter, just another special, but it'll be something. _

_On a better note, I'm finally writing another Iruka-Sasuke interaction for the next chapter! It was a spur-of-the moment thing once I realized that I really don't have enough of it in here (like, once, at the very beginning. Do you even remember that chapter? Lol, I barely do XD) _

_Another happy note: my ability to do digital art has drastically improved, as has the consistency of the Irukas I draw. If you guys would like to see what I've got (I'm actually very proud of them; even my mom, who's an actual painter, likes them, which is - hm. Warm fuzzies :) ) or if you'd like to see specific character/scenes, let me know so that I can have them finished after school gets out. _

_Oh! Speaking of specific scenes, I got a request from one of you, _**n1ghtdr34m3r:** _"can we see Iruka handling the jonin at the mission desks? Like I'm really curious how the Iruka vs. 30 jonin incident went." Rest assured that this scene is almost finished, so if I post a special, it will most likely be this little thing. Thank you for this request, 'cause it was a ton of fun imagining how this went down lol._

_One more thought thing as I wrap this up. Originally this fic was supposed to be about 25 chapters. Period. I thought I could flesh out the beginning pretty quickly and move right on to the main arc of the story, a.k.a. the real reason I'm writing this at all. Yes. Believe it or not, I did not originally plan to write this much content before the main arc. Surprise! You'll probably hate me for this, but I wasn't even going to resolve the political issues within this fic after the main arc. I was just going to leave everything as-is and tie it all back in to canon at the end. I know. Boo. However, based on how things are going, how the plot is developing, and even how much and well you guys have responded to this, this fic will actually be three parts: The first part, **Facade**, which sets up the characters, interactions, and basics of this AU; **Not Even Free***, which will focus solely on the main arc and therefore be written in a slightly different format; and a **yet-to-be-named** third installment that will actually resolve the issues established in Facade and then tie back into canon. Sort of. Somehow. Maybe? I'm still working it out. _

_*(Some of you may recognize this title from the cross-posting of this fic on AO3. You can totally read that if you want, but it isn't as plot-driven as this one is. In other words, it takes a lot longer to get anywhere because I seriously write every little thing that pops into my head. This fic sticks to the original plot I outlined and moves much quicker (you have no idea how much I've streamlined this compared to AO3, XD), so if you like this more plot-driven I would suggest sticking to this version of the story. If you don't mind my rambly sort of free-writing, then go ahead and check out this fic under my alternate pseudonym IonFusion.)_

_I think that's it. Shout out to every single one of you for being awesome! Stay safe, follow the laws/guidelines of your town/city/state/country (obvs I don't know where y'all live, haha), and remember that, when times get tough, I love and appreciate everything you guys have done to support me and this story so far!_

_Please leave as many comments as you want, because they make my day and make fighting with classes so totally worth it :) _

_Till next time! _


	16. Special: Age 19 - 30 Jounin

_I did in fact finish that scene with Iruka and the jounin lol. It amused me greatly to write it, but I'm not entirely sure of the quality? Let me know what you guys think :)_

_FYI, this takes place shortly before The Worst Pain while Iruka is still 19. The mission to the capital mentioned at the very beginning was very stressful and traumatic for her, which is why I mentioned it at all. Basically our dear Iruka is over-stressed. _

_Enjoy! _

* * *

The Missions Room was utter _chaos_. Like, it _usually_ was, what with jounin being crazy and the chunin left to pick up the pieces, but -

Iruka had _just_ recovered from the Capital. She had _just_ managed to strike a balance between her lingering trauma and what used to be _normal_, but she was left tired, and frayed, and fractured along the fault lines of her soul and she - she _snapped_.

It was loud. It was loud, and there were 30 jounin (at least 10 of them _elite_ jounin) crammed inside harassing the desk chunin while the other chunin - and even some genin - waited tensely to turn in their own reports or take new missions.

She smiled with all of the dishonest serenity her training had taught her as the next jounin stepped up. Iruka accepted the report - and froze when she realized just _who _was standing before her.

Hatake Ka-_freaking_-kashi eye-smiled innocently and offered a wave. "How goes it, chunin-san?" Her answering smile was just a tad strained as she unrolled the scroll and hesitantly laid eyes on the - the _report_ (three lines, stained paper, _doodles of Sandaime and his teammates_ oh kami).

And that. Was. The. Last. _Straw_.

His report was neatly re-rolled and handed back with what she hoped was a benign smile. "Your village thanks you for your service, _jounin-san_," Oh, boy, her voice was _not_ benign, repeat, _not benign_ \- "but it will thank you _a lot more_ \- by _paying_ you, for example - once this has been re-written according to the specifications under the 31st bullet of the Shinobi Code: All reports are to be submitted with legible and relevant writing - pending previous allowances decided on a shinobi-to-shinobi basis supported with proof in the form of a notation in the relevant shinobi's file made by the Hokage themself and ratified by the shinobi's two successive superiors - to the Mission Desk Worker on duty."

Hatake had the _gall_ to look sheepish _and had still not taken his report back_.

Grating on the edge of her sensitive awareness, Iruka was aware of a small scuffle breaking out in the center of the room, a small gaggle of jounin surrounding Shenzo-chan - another desk chunin who _had_ been making her way to the back room to file reports - and intimidating her for _fun_, Asuma and Kurenai standing suspiciously close against one wall while the former smoked a cigarette (in a _no smoking zone_) and -

No. She was done. Every single one of the other chunin were being cowed and belittled, and the people who were _supposed _to be _keeping that kind of stuff from happening_ were the ones _instigating it_. And the _reports_, oh kami, were not even _legible_.

The anger piqued and _moved_ from its previous rumbling simmer to a roaring boil, and she lowered the scroll carefully to her desk. Then, with carefully controlled movements, she rose to her feet, fingers splayed on the desk to support the weight of her rage. "Jounin-sans," she called in a voice that was not loud but _carried_, and the room gave a collective shiver. "I believe that there has been a mistake," she continued; the water in her cup began to ripple as her control over her kekkei genkai slipped, and the air seemed to be sucked dry as miniscule beads of moisture hung suspended everywhere.

"This Missions Room is for the collection and distribution of missions to able shinobi of this fine village. It is _not_ -" Iruka's eyes snapped open to glare promises of _death_ even as her chakra - yin - drew the shadows up around her in a sort of shroud that made her seem like the second coming of Shinigami himself, "a _daycare_. _Competent_ shinobi," she spat, "have been trained to write in a readable manner so that the information they bring back for their village can be used to _save lives_. Failure to write in a legible manner _has_ and _will_ result in the deaths of comrades.

"Furthermore, it is the smooth, uninhibited functions of the Missions Room and its dedicated, loyal workers that has and will _continue_ to ensure the stability of the occupations of _all_ of Konohagure's shinobi. Without this room and its workers, you would be sent on missions above or below your abilities. Without this room and its workers, you would not be _paid_. _Without this room and its workers_, the stable structure of our village _would not exist_."

The droplets of moisture roiled and hardened into impossible sharp points that cut any of the jounin who brushed against them; the room was still.

"So, _please_," Iruka snarled, "_continue_ what you're doing. _Keep_ harassing us _poor, defenseless chunin_ and just _see_ where that sort of disaster will take you. However." Everyone shivered - even though Iruka now forced herself to relax and straighten, shroud withdrawn and the water dissipated back to its vaporous state, frigid smile plastered across her features. "If you would like to continue serving this village, please submit your reports in accordance with the guidelines set in place for the safety of our shinobi and in a calm, respectful, orderly fashion. Thank you."

She now sat down, her smile transfixed but calm (and all the more terrifying for it), and once again offered Kakashi's report back to him. "Thank you for your service, jounin-san," she said sweetly.

He took the report, expression blank, and walked silently out of the room. After a few moments the other jounin and tokujou either shuffled into straight lines or sat at the couple of extra tables to rewrite their reports.

For a solid week after that, all reports were handed in neat and on time.

And Iruka became the first chunin known to actually _intimidate_ her unruly superiors into quick obedience.

She smirked behind the cover of her coffee mug. Being a teacher sure came in handy.

* * *

_Gonna be honest, total made up that particular shinobi rule. Let me know if you guys know if you have any shinobi code ideas I could use in future chapters for our amusement. _

_Oh! I remember asking you guys a couple chapters back, at the end of Mizuki's Betrayal, if y'all knew who the ANBU were. I got a couple answers, but I thought I'd clear it up: Hound is Kakashi (that one's obvious); Tora is Genma; __Tortoise is Gai; __Snake is Anko; Cat is Yamato/Tenzou; Hyena is Raidou; Boar (who was just mentioned) has always been a Nara in my hcs, so just for fun he can be Ensui; and Lion is... um... I don't remember? That's honestly embarrassing. I think I made that Hayate since I think Tiger - or Tora - was Hayate in the anime if I recall correctly, so I gave him another big cat energy lol._

_SO you guys got to see a little bit of our girl's kekkei genkai. Whaddya think? Not bad, ne? I don't know if I mentioned this before, but basically she can water-bend without needing to use chakra. That shroud thing is something I borrowed from... gosh, now I can't remember **that** either, dangit. I'll find it and let you know the next time I update. But that's a demonstration of her yin release, which is what the Naras use to manipulate shadows, so some fun easter eggs there._

_Hope you guys are staying sane! _

_Also, we have officially made it past 100 followers, so I wanted to do something special: either a contest, a Q&A of sorts, a fic/fanart exchange, anything. Please let me know what you guys want to do in the comments! :)_

_Have fun, stay safe, and don't hesitate to pm me if you just want to talk to someone (I get bored too; please save me, and we'll keep each other sane-ish)!_


End file.
